For people married more then 5 years?

Question

What is the secret to having a good Marriage. Im not married and im sure everyone has different opinions. But what are some keys to making it work. And how did you know the person you married was really the one? Did you have doubts?

Answer 1

Laughter and friendship.

You have to actually *like* one another -- enjoy each other's company, make one another laugh. The romantic and sexual aspects of any long term relationship ebb and flow over the years (to some degree or another; ideally they're flowing more than ebbing of course!) and you need more than "just" the passion and lust, you need someone who you always want as a good friend. My husband and I make each other laugh every day, and I think that's vital.

I think difference is a good thing, but there needs to be some kind of common ground, a common way of approaching the world even if the particular things you want to do in it differ. (And I think too often couples whose marriages are suffering decide that having children will solve their marital woes by providing a common ground. Not really what I mean!)

And while it sounds trite: never to go sleep angry. If there's something wrong and you're annoyed or angry, try to talk ti out before the end of the day. But even if you don't actually talk about it at the time, at the end of the day just try to "let it go." Holding onto anger, etc. just isn't good for anyone, and it's certainly not good for a relationship for either person to let bad feelings brew, and resentment and bitterness grow.

Communication, of course. That's part of *everything* -- shared approach to life, ability to laugh, etc. It's vital. If you don't talk to one another, bad things happen. No one can read your mind. And even if they could: why should they be expected to?

As for doubts, yep, I had 'em. I worried I was marrying someone who was a friend, and worried that the other parts might suffer. As it turns out, all is well, the friendship part and the romantic stuff. We've been married for about 11 years, together for about 15 years, we've been through some horribly stressful stuff over the last few years and come out stronger, largely because we know how to laugh together.

Answer 2

I had no doubts, now this is not to say that it has all been a smooth road....we have had several bumps along the way, but no marriage is not without those from time to time, it is normal. what you have to remember is that you both have to give 100% all the time.....it is not a give and take thing......it is a give 100% 24/7. Try not to go to bed angry at each other, talk it through, yes this is often easier said than done, but it is doable. you also have to love yourself b4 you can love another person. You each want to always be supportive of the other, and if you see that they are making what may be the wrong choice....in a nice and loving way, try to make a suggestion, or offer up the long term of the decision may be. always be kind, and never take each other for granted. If you treat each other as though it could be your last day together, you will be amazed at how well you will treat the other person. Not that you want to harp on the negative every day.
How you know and this is my opinion.....you just know, it is a feeling and it is hard to describe so that everyone will now when it is real. It is a true feeling of comfort, compassion, it is knowing that this person makes you complete.....and it when you tell each other that you love them and you are happy, but your eyes water....well ours does. My husbands jobs takes him away from us for 24 hour periods....he is a fireman, so I know that anything can happen, I don't harp on that....but when he leaves this house I want him to know that I love him, and that I love him with everthing in me. When he returns home, I always greet him with a hug and a kiss, and usually try to have a pot of coffee made for him. I always ask how is day and night were, even if it is the same thing.....busy..... I am intrested in it....and he will ask me what I did. I hope that help you, as I hope it will help others as well.

Answer 3

well we are both very strong willed and when we got married it was with the attitude of forever. too many people these days think that if it don't work there is always divorce but when we married we were staying together no matter what. we had both already been through a bad marriage so we knew there would be probs to overcome and everything else but u have to set it in your mind that it will work no matter what. we also tell each other constantly that we love each other and how important the other person is in our lives. i also tell my husband thank u just for being my best friend and everything else he is to me. i tell him exactly what he does for me not just the love thing but he fixes my car, takes care of the kids when i'm at work, just makes sure i'm took care of. this lets him know i appreciate him. u have to work at marriage every day to make it last. also i still do mushy stuff like write on the bathroom mirror and so called "teenage puppy dog love" stuff. i'm an incurable romantic though and he really loves it. he tells me it makes him feel special.

Answer 4

Ohh God yes, I had my doubts! Everyone does, its normal.

You really have to have good communication, and this means good listening skills, and memory skills.....ohh yeah, and also trust, plus it doesn't hurt if your friends. Those are some of the keys...but each relationship is different.

Let me give you a clue on listening skills~ This means if she tells you that she's going so and so on Friday, you hear it, but it goes in one ear and out the other...this isn't listening...lol Write it down..if you have to..this will avoid a fight later on. I promise....have listening skills. This includes good memory skills...lol, because if you listened, and can remember what she told you...you've done something Big boy! LOL

But...if you love someone, you find a way to work through the rough spots....and sometimes it usually draws you closer to each other.

Answer 5

You must marry your best friend. Your husband/wife must be your most trusted adviser he/she was be the person that you can communicate with on ever level

You and your spouse must be like minded and the determined to work problems out not run away from them.

You must always respect each other even when you disagree
You must always be able to laugh and must always have each others back.

Just a few of my tips. Been married 17years will be 18 in September 07

Answer 6

For us it's communication and cooperation. Neither of us gets our way all the time. We talk about everything, including sex. We make efforts to keep each other happy and satisfied.
2 things stand out that convinced me she really was the one. I had already proposed and she had accepted, but I didn't have the ring yet. It was in layaway. I was a $1600 rock. She decided she wanted to use her grandmothers wedding set instead. She insisted I return the ring in layaway. The other was when I got fired from a job. First time in over 25 years of working that ever happened. I cried like a baby and she just held me. It works because she accepts me for who I am, and I accept her for who she is. We don't try to change each other.

Answer 7

Best advice I ever got and works in all situations: TRY!

I think a big part of making it work is deciding that you are not going to give up or divorce...you have to believe that it is really forever. Don´t ever let divorce even enter into the conversation...a total don´t-ever-go-there zone.

The right person? Even after 14 years, I´m not sure...but I´m willing to stick around just to make sure.

Answer 8

I believe marriage is something you have to work on everyday been married nine years and to tell you the truth the first five years were the hardest but somebody told us if you make it the first five you can make it forever I had to tell myself that many of times because its so easy to give in and quit over silly things specially when you are young.Now can't imagine life without him

Answer 9

1. Let the little stuff go. It's not worth the fight.
2. Be nice to each other - even if you don't feel like it
3. Endure the tough times. They will pass.
4. Don't complain about or belittle your spouse to friends/family.
5. Don't expect marriage to be 50/50. Sometimes it's 90/10. Sometimes you will give and get nothing in return. Sometimes you will have nothing to give, and your spouse will carry the burden.

Answer 10

Been married 14 years. Still have my doubts, but that's what makes it exciting!
What I'm really saying is- that's it's not so much about the other person being the "right person". Its more about you learning and growing and manifesting the right person in your life.