Work colleague problem?

Question

A work colleague that I am normally very friendly with has started being very nasty and hurtful towards me. I know he has some stress with his personal life but I feel he should leave that out of the office. I have been a very good and supportive friend to him in the past but am tired of him taking his problems out on me. He has occasionally apologised for his behaviour but I'm tired of it. Anyway, his car has broken down and I am the only one who lives remotely near him. We havent spoken for days now. Should I offer him a lift, or should I wait until he asks me? I know he is so stubborn that he will probably pay a taxi rather than swallow his pride and ask. Also, I going on holidays for a week on Thursday - under normal circumstances I'd have given him the loan of my car but again - should I offer, or should I wait and see if he asks. I always give in but I feel this time he needs to learn I will not be treated like a doormat.

What would you do in my situation?

Well - looks like I dont have to worry about this any more - he's just taken off walking. He'd obviously do anything other than grovel and lower himself to ask me for a lift. Luckily for him it's not raining !

Answer 1

Let him deal with his own ego and troubles - go on holiday - don't lend him your car and don't pick him up for work - if you lend him your car you can bet your life on the fact that he will trash it somehow - when he realises that you are not his lapdog, he'll behave and start being human again!

Answer 2

Let him ask you for a lift, if you have been a good friend to him in the past then he should not take his problems out on you nor bring them into the workplace.

I would not off the loan of your car under any circumstances, as you do not want to chance anything happening to it while your away.

Let him make the first approach.

Answer 3

I am in your situation to some extent. Basically, my colleague did not come to a required meeting and I ended up picking up papers for her because we are each other's closest friends in our university program. I felt like, even though she has a habit of getting nasty and treating me like crap (because of some problems she's dealing with that she won't tell me about), no one else was going to be there for her (she doesn't talk to anyone but me). Plus, I felt sorry for her and I do care about her.

Anyway, she did not thank me but she started talking to me about personal stuff like she used to...but that only lasted so long. I had to call her about a group project this past weekend and she was back to her old ways but WORSE...she was almost completely silent, extremely moody, and just plain MEAN. I think she's having issues and I don't mind her talking about them but she should not be getting a nasty attitude with me when I haven't done anything to her. I also feel like I'm being treated like a doormat. One day she wants to talk to me, follows me around, and latches onto me...the next she acts like she has some bone to pick.

So...what I'm going to do from now on is just ignore her. Like other people have told you, it's probably best to have this guy come to you if he wants a ride. He sounds like my "friend"--the kind of person who can't accept things from other people. You know, the whole "I wouldn't want to join a club that would have me as a member" type thing. He probably liked how you were accepting of him at first but now he thinks he has a license to take out his anger on you. He probably would never act that way if it was someone else. This is so unfortunate but it seems like there is nothing else you can do. This guy is just not psychologically capable right now of being a good friend to you, it seems

Answer 4

If he is being a jerk, don't give him a ride. Help out people that are decent to you.

Don't loan him your car.

Swallow his pride and ask? for a ride?

He'd be more man to just pay for one, without asking a lady to assist him. He's keeping his pride, and let him have it.

Some Chivalrous traditions should not die. It's his problem, not yours.

The next time he insults you, state, "You know, it's not very noble of you to come at me in this fashion."

Then walk away.

Answer 5

I would try to offer him a lift so you wont be mulling over the situation on your holiday but i would not loan my car,sorry but that is too far and if anything happened to it while you were away that would definately put a strain on your working situation.

Answer 6

I don't know if I would loan him the car, but if you want to save the friendship, you could offer him the ride when you can do it, and that would give you a great oppertunity to talk to him about how he has been treating you and how it makes you feel. If he changes, great. If he doens't care, drop the whole thing.

Answer 7

wow i'd like to work with someone as nice as you!
no, he shouldn't get away with taking things out on you, but he prob knows you'll accept it as have done in past.
you could be very magnaminous and mature and offer lifts and loan of car, and have a moral high ground, but then face prospect of him walking over you time and agin.
so on this occasion, put YOUR feelings 1st and wait for him to ask. if he doesnt, then he's big enough and ugly enough to look after himself! after all, he'd have to if you didnt work there, wouldnt he?

Answer 8

I would wait till he asks you, I have been through similar, even though he's had stuff go on its not fair to take it out on you. Why should you give him lift or loan your car if he treat you bad, don't bother

Answer 9

If I were you I'd wait and I'd also tell him to leave his personal business out of the job. Be authorative if you are in that position don't let him walk all over you cuz it will happen if you don't stand up for yourself. Other than that I wouldnt stress over it unless it's really worth it.

Answer 10

I wouldn't give this guy the time of day or a ride in my car. He needs to grow up instead of hurting people when he is upset. He is behaving like a spoilt brat