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here is the thing i love my hubby more than anything i know that we were meant to be together, but we cannot get along at all, we did for the first year or so, but now we cant even hardly talk to one another with-out making each-other mad. the first year was like magic, but now its like we r always at each others throats. its a daily thing with us, but at night after the kids r in bed, we lay down down and cuddle and all of r problems seem to go away, until the next day when we get up and then its back to argueing. what should i do, i have thought about leaving him, but we still love each-other very much. he is always showing me how much he loves me, i am very confused. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

2007-03-13 02:53:36 · 15 answers · asked by greengrass 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

15 answers

It's pretty hard to argue alone. One of you must stop the volley, just like tennis, one serves the other sends it back. If he is serving don't do what you usually do instead say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then see if he keeps at it. If you are doing the serve...don't.
Maybe it's time for you to make an appointment for the two of you to see a marriage counselor. This cannot possibly be good for your children to witness every day. This behavior will make them think this is how life is when it is normal...not a good thing, it's teaching them to be confrontational.
Make that appointment today.

2007-03-13 03:20:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The first year was like magic because you were still in the honeymoon phase. Now you are in the toughest part of the marriage. I have heard several times that the first 5 years are the most difficult.

My husband and I have been through ups and downs, but never anything really drastic. Communication is very important. If you are having trouble communicating, you should seek counselling. A counsellor can't solve your problems for you, but they can help you learn to communicate better with each other.

If you and your husband still love each other, but are only having communication problems, that can be fixed. Work on your marriage. The next time you are arguing about something, stop and remember your wedding day.

2007-03-13 03:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by QT 5 · 0 1

Most couples when under daily pressure from job, bills and kids begin to feel resentment and unhappy and then take this out on the spouse. You and your husband need a break from daily pressures. Plan on a short weekend get a way where the kids could be left with a responsible family member. Start to remember what it was that made you fall in love with him. Tell him often how you appreciate all the things he does. It is in the way we communicate to one another that can make a difference. You will be surprised how just a few loving words can make a difference. If your husband at times seems short tempered, best thing to do is to try to just let it pass. Could be he is just having a bad day. Remember, it takes two people to argue. One would look silly arguing all by themselves.

2007-03-13 03:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0 1

Sounds like the honeymoon is over. Could it be that between the kids, work, job pressures, money issues, maintaining a home, cleaning, picking up after the kids (and hubby?), laundry, shopping, preparing meals etc that the daily workday grind is contributing to the bickering. I have a hunch that it is the main cause.
When you go to bed at nite and cuddle the daily grind is over and you have each other. Try to work out the rough spots that cause the disagreements, discuss each of them. You should make a list and so should he. Try to discuss them privately away from the kids and home. Perhaps a nice dinner or just go for a walk and talk. Everything you have stated is workable if only you and he can talk about it.

2007-03-13 03:05:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

u r still learning each others boundaries in other words how far u can push each other. plus there are a lot of pressures in the first few years. so many bills pile up and kids always need money for something or another. all this pressure makes everything tense. learn how to talk about your probs instead of exploding about them. i promise there is a rainbow at the end of this tunnel. also remember a quick i love u and hug goes a long way when the pressure is really intent. and never ever forget how much u love each other. this will get u through. good luck

2007-03-13 03:02:38 · answer #5 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 0 1

After the honeymoon period, reality does set in! You are probably at each other throats because each of you wants your own way or wants to control the decisions. You both need to learn to communicate without arguing, listen to what each other thinks, be patient, and learn to compromise on issues that would be for the best of the two of you. Give things time as it seems that other aspects of the marriage are good and you both still love each other.

2007-03-13 03:14:26 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 6 · 0 0

Believe it or not, what you're going through is not unusual. The first year of marriage, everything is new. Beyond that point, you really have to work at keeping your marriage on track. You've become too comfortable, and forgotten that marriage is an on-going job. Sit down with your husband, and try to talk about what you can do to make things better. You both, obviously, love each other; you need to find a way to communicate without anger. Give and take, on both of your parts is needed. Good luck!

2007-03-13 03:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by grandm 6 · 0 1

I think when you first get married you think you are to do everything with your partner that is not true if me and my husband spend to much time together like when his home from work during the week he always seems to be in my way I'm a stay at home mom and do things different during the week then i do on weekends when he is home i say find some alone time for yourself everybody needs it.marriage is something you have to work at everyday some days are harder then others but i really believe that the good days make up for alot.good luck

2007-03-13 04:07:05 · answer #8 · answered by superwomen 3 · 0 0

That comes down to the famous Dear Abby question: Would you be better off with him or without him? And if you don't have any children yet, now is the time to ask yourself that question. You can work on the daytime relationship in marriage counseling. Then you might be able to make a better choice. Good luck.

2007-03-13 03:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0 1

Focus on what you are "giving" in the relationship not what you're "getting". Most arguments aren't about the topic of argument. Get to the root, find out what your actual problems are and the work together on fixing them. You're building a life together, if one person isn't happy with the choices, it's up to both of you to make changes. What do you think the arguments are about?

2007-03-13 02:59:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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