My husband is suing for custody. He has attached to his complaint letters that I wrote when we were married and he was cheating when I talked about how sad I was. That is over a year ago but he is alleging that I am too depressed to keep the kids. He and I have shared the kids 50/50 for almost a year but suddenly I am too depressed to have them?
He got angry because i asked his girlfriend not to spend the night at his house when the kids are there. They have the other half of the month to have all of the sex that they want.
He comes from a family of people who cheat,think that it is OK to leave their familties for extended periods. I didn;t know this before I married him.
I can counter this with evidence about his excessive drinking, his parents mental illness and drinking ( with whom he leaves the kids when he is to have them because he works and travels, how he is under the care of a therapist and how he is violent. He has political goals and this would kill those. Should I?
2007-03-13 02:16:56 · 21 answers · asked by jazz41 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think my lawyers didn't believe that this was the whole story. Then they investigated it and found out that it was true.
2007-03-13 02:49:35 · update #1
I feel so sorry for these kids. What a mess they have to live with.
2007-03-13 02:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're leaving some details out.
Your request to not have his girlfriend spend the night while the kids are there is not so unreasonable that it warrants his applying for full custody.
Secondly how could you "just give" your kids to him to save them the grief? No. A lot more than saving grief goes into such a momentous decision.
Why would you retaliate in such a way? Don't you think making this even more nasty will hurt the kids as well? Squelch this now if you can. Speak with a lawyer and discuss the circumstances and choose the most peaceful solution/compromise.
Personally I would fight to the death to keep my kids; there are veeerrry effective ways to let him know that you're not taking this lying down without making it loud and nasty.
Protect and keep your kids.
2007-03-13 02:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by Maudie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is that you remain focused on what is best for your children. Without knowing their ages and your family history I can not say much more about that. Regarding the back-and-forth allegations about your depression, his alcohol use, etc. what will ultimately matter in court is if any of those issues actually result in neglect or harm to the children that is documented or testified upon by an expert. Otherwise, it is hearsay and will likely be ignored.
If your husbands problems are in fact very serious, with careful investigation, depositions and carefully crafted questions written by a custody expert for a deposition can pull the right data out to assist you in your custody pursuit.
2007-03-13 03:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Frazer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't make decisions like this when you are going through such a tough time. you've got sooo much to think about and you should really get into seeing a counselor.
seeing a counselor, brining your kids to counseling too, is a very positive thing that any judge would see as a an attempt to do the right thing for you and the children. it'll show that you are mentally and emotionally healthy and stable enough to take on the responsibility of raising your children, with their needs in mind. and if you're depressed then you especially need counseling and maybe some medication to help level out your emotions for a little while. divorces are extremely hard on the adults and children.
My mother left me with my father when I was ten because he threatened to make an ugly fight in court. I'm an adult now and my mother still has not forgiven herself for giving up and leaving me with my dad. She never got over what she did, what she let him do to her when she was feeling weak and depressed. And you know what? I never forgave her really either and it really caused me some real serious problems for the rest of my life.
Get help. Don't do this without professional help. Think about what the children need. Put them first. And in order to know what they need, and before you can give them what they need, you need to get centered and strong first.
2007-03-13 02:26:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i just cannot believe after all u wrote here that u would even contemplate giving your children to this man. how could u as a mother even ask such a question with all the bs this man does. i don't mean to put u down or anything but these kids could actually be in danger. how could u not possibly see this? i mean just the fact that he leaves these kids with people who are mentally ill (probably on meds and combining that w/ alcohol is in itself dangerous.) one day the grandparents mite not even wake up. then on top of that his excessive drinking????? and u r asking about their grief????????? how much grief do u think they will have if u do lose custody? the whole girlfriend thing is mild compared to everything else these kids are having to deal with. i'm sorry but as a mom myself i just don't see how u could possibly even consider this question.
2007-03-13 02:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. If you don't, the kids may at some point in time get the warped idea that you just didn't love them enough to fight for them. Not only that, but having your kids at an alcoholic abusive home is not only dangerous, but stupid and thoughtless. He is putting his own needs before his children's. If he is traveling while he has the kids, they should be staying with you. After all, you are their mom. If you have proof of the alcohol, mental illness and other things, by all means, take it to court with you.
2007-03-13 02:40:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight for your kids! It sounds like this guy is a loser and doesn't deserve them. Why should you care about his political goals? He obviously doesn't care about his children or he wouldn't try to take them away from their mother.
Any judge with half a brain would see right through his plotting and scheming. See a therapist now and have them willing to testify that you're not depressed & you're a fit mother. This should stop him in his tracks.
It does sound like HE might be unfit, children shouldn't be forced to deal with his behavior. Maybe YOU should ask for full custody!
2007-03-13 02:37:35 · answer #7 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
those with melancholy could have custody of their babies. that may not clarification for him to get them except you're so depressed you won't have the ability to preserve them suited. you will desire to bypass after him in any way you are able to. His political objectives are not your situation. If that's how he desires to play the interest then play the interest to win. Any guy who's prepared to take babies from their mom quite than confirm a thank you to bolster their bond along with her would not deserve lots. he's the two too rotten and egocentric a individual to have custody in the different case he's diluded himself into seeing a melancholy that would not exist as a thank you to asuage his guilt of attempting to get custody. probability is your ex-husband is purely an occasion of the shortcoming of character that comes from households like his, so in case you recognize you do not have some severe psychological ailment then dig up each and every spec of airborne dirt and airborne dirt and dust you are able to on him and make it good and known to all legal specialists and courts in contact.
2016-12-18 12:27:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way!! the way you need to be thinking is about defending yourself against what he is bringing up about you, not about getting even. If you have explanations for the depression, which you seem to, write a journal, showing daily entries that show youre not depressed, get letters from co-workers, friends, and family, you need to show that your main interest is those kids. You do want to have some back up and that could be his drinking, etc., just use that as not good for the kids to be around. you want to be the bigger person.not him, trash talking will seem to be your only intent, not the kids.
2007-03-13 02:29:21 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIGHT FOR YOUR KIDS!!!! I can't stress that enough. I just went through 2 years of pure hell fighting for my kids. And my ex had full custody of them for about 14months because he is so good at snowing people. It may be a very hard road, but his true colors and the truth will come out eventually. And it isn't better on the kids for you to just give up.
2007-03-13 02:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by ladybugg0224 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why the hell would you just give up on your kids? Especially when their dad is as messed up as he is? Fight like your life depends on it!
Who cares about his political goals? Aside from trying to keep the peace for the children, why do you even bother caring about this person?
2007-03-13 02:21:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋