I have been married almost 17 years. 2 great kids a hubby that will do anything for me and I just want to get in my car and drive. Im 35, never had a real life before marriage. I have found several good friends and we stay out half the night just playing like teenagers. they are all married too. Is it spring fever or a rut? I used to never keep friends because I was always bending over backwards to keep my family happy. I feel like for once in the 17 years I am happier than I have ever been in my life? Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I am, by not being there with my hubby and kids every waking hour.
2007-03-13 02:16:51 · 13 answers · asked by Brat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my friends are all cops, my hubby knows all of them and we have talked about this . He doesnt seem to care. but i still feel I am doing something wrong. My kids are 10 and 15. and its usually only 2 nights a week I am with my buddies
2007-03-13 02:27:13 · update #1
and none of us drink!!!
2007-03-13 02:28:18 · update #2
Sounds like you are just discovering who you are again. Nothing wrong with that. If you're happy, why are you feeling this guilt? Make sure you're not doing things to mess up a good marriage. I think if he has no problem with it, the kids are taken care of, and you feel happy about it..then GO for it!. We make many sacrifices for marriage and children, it sounds like you actually have the time to have a little more freedom now, don't be guilty about it...ENJOY IT! Friendships are important, you've just started to find the joy! I'm sure you're husband and kids will appreciate the happier version of someone they already love and adore.
Keep things in check, the fact that you said "I never had a real life before marriage" is a little scary. You did have a life then, you just chose to spend it a certain way. I've seen women in their mid 30's go NUTS after getting a little freedom (they started drinking, cheating) I've also seen women in their mid 30's start to enjoy life again, and all was fine. Just make sure you keep yourself in the latter group.
Good luck and have FUN! :)
2007-03-13 02:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you are playing with fire. You are fooling yourself into thinking this is just friendships. One thing you may be correct about -- it is a rut as in when deer rut. No way you should be staying out half the night and as far as playing like teenagers--are you daft? Like many 35 year old middle age persons, you are having that crisis. Find a better outlet for for re-capturing or capturing your youth again. Nothing good is going to come of what you are doing. It is your responsibility to correct this behavior before something hurt-full happens to you, your husband and your children. Be discreet, get laid and get it out of your system, don't tell anyone especially your husband and start behaving yourself. Of course, he may already be doing that if he allows this. He is either guilty about what he is doing, or having your out of his hair is working to his advantage. If that is the case be honest with each other and possibly get into swinging.
2007-03-13 09:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't doing anything wrong. You are getting to the time in your life that you need friends to do things with without your husband or kids. Your kids are at the ages that they are able to look after themselves. Your family needs to realize that Mom needs some time alone or with HER friends. See about taking a weekend, maybe with your friends, to go to a spa or to the beach. My mom has a group of girlfriends that they go at least once a year to Florida to spend time together away from family. You aren't a bad mother or wife. You are a human that needs outside contact.
2007-03-13 09:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by ladybugg0224 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't doing anything wrong. Go out and have a good time with your friends. Just don't make a habit out of it. My fiance and I do most everything together but there is a time when it's nice to go do your own thing. As long as you let him have his fun there's no reason you shouldn't be able to as well. Just make sure someone is taking care of the kids
2007-03-13 09:24:39 · answer #4 · answered by Sondrahhh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although you are a mother and a wife, you can't eb ahppy unless you take care of yourself as well! GO out and have fun with the girls...be happy...I am married to...and if I couldn't hang out with frineds I would go nuts! Don't feel guilty for theses fellings you just need some alone time no one is going to persecute you for wanting to hang out! Don't go to crazy or anything but have some FUN!!!!
2007-03-13 09:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by ashley32754 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK there is no law that says you can't have friends. (so long as you're not doing anything wrong with them)...but it sounds like you need to find a happy medium.
don't go over-board with your new friends because it willl look like you want out of your marriage....
to me it sounds like you do want out of your marriage....
but keep in mind, running away from your problems will not fix the problem and you'll only create distance with your loved ones.
2007-03-13 09:22:21 · answer #6 · answered by jim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you just need a change of pace - something to spice up your life as you are bored with your hubby and kids. Just don't make it permanent.
2007-03-13 09:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is perfectly fine to go out and have fun with friends and as long as you are keeping fun and home in balance you shouldn't feel guilty. you have spent nearly 2 decades as a wife and mother of course you would rather go out right now just like your husband would rather be relaxing than being at work or you children would rather be partying than being in school. as long as you are there when your family needs you have a ball you deserve it.
2007-03-13 09:28:23 · answer #8 · answered by 2sweet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask your hubby for a day or two at a spa for a break, stress of everyday like can cause everyone to feel trapped. " A caged animal will eventually snap"
2007-03-13 09:22:15 · answer #9 · answered by shocker83_fear_me23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be careful.
It's great to have friends and have fun, but it sounds like you are at risk of detaching from your husband. Soon your friends will meet some guys. You will attach to one of them instead, and the attachment grows.....eventually you get wasted drunk and then.....uh oh.....the excitement of it all overwhelms your love for your boring but there for you husband.
If my wife were out all night playing like a teenager I'd be scared to death.
2007-03-13 09:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by Disco Stu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋