Doesn't appearance still matter to some extent as time goes on?

Question

I see people berate people when they complain that their spouse (usually wife, but not always) gains weight as their marriage continues.

Can we be honest here? We all have some limits on how far our partners can let themselves go before we become, in order:
1. Concerned
2. Less attracted
3. Disgusted
It is utterly unrealistic to expect people to be or remain in great shape. But ask yourself this question: if your spouse gained: 20 lbs? Ok. 50 lbs? maybe. 100 lbs? eh....? 200 lbs? no way.

Keep in mind that a 100 lb woman gained 75 lbs is a WHOLE lot fatter than a 200 lb man gaining 75 lbs.

I think too many people take their spouse for granted and make little effort to keep themselves attractive for them, as well as themselves. Staying in shape as we get older makes sense from every perspective, especially health.

My wife gained 90 lbs 3 yrs after our 2nd child. Will I divorce her? No. Am I happy with it? No.
btw I have the same 34" waist 15 yrs later.

Hey I love my wife to death. But if she ballooned to 400 lbs I would have zero physical attraction for her and there would be no physical intimacy. Our marriage would erode and die.....

Answer 1

I agree looks count.

Anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves.

If my man gained 75 pounds, I would NOT like it and I would feel he didnt even love me enough to stay attractive for me....yes, I would be disgusted.

And the "I had a baby" excuse is Bullzhit too because I have two sons and today I work as a personal trainer and am in better shape at 33 than I was in my early 20's..the pregnant body was MEANT to return back to its normal shape...sorry ladies, its an excuse, and you all know it.

Answer 2

Of course it matters! My lover gained a bit of weight this year, I told him he was getting fat in a joking way really and then more seriously said I'd like to lose a few lbs (even though as a size 6/7 I don't need to and am not really trying to, yes it was a ploy. What guy doesn't fall for a woman saying "I think I'm fat" even when she's not?!) and we changed the way we eat, started exercising together and he's losing weight while I refuse to weigh myself! He said to me that he enjoys the time we spend together working out and I feel better eating veggies instead of chips! I love him no matter what, but he feels a lot better about himself now that his spare tire is going away, we're eating better and he's up and moving about. My lover only gained a few lbs. What I think is disgusting is when a spouse doesn't say anything and pretends a fatter and fatter lover doesn't matter! Excuse me, health issues, self esteem issues and plain old aesthetics! Sex is a lot better without his belly getting in the way. Hahaha!

Answer 3

I think it is gross and unhealthy to gain 100 lbs or more. Dumping the person would be shallow. I would try to help the person get healthy by exercising with them and eating healthy with them.

I weigh about the same as I did in high school, 119lbs today. I actually joined a gym with my b/f so we would exercise. Unfortunately we don't go much since I go to my own gym at lunch time.

I think the health risks far outweigh the appearance of the weight. My mother had heart surgury a year ago at 55 and she was only like 20 lbs overweight probably. Now that is scary.

Answer 4

I agree with you. We as people should have respect for our body by taking care of it. How can we expect others to respect us if we ourselves do not? Some people let themselves go for many reasons. One reason is low self esteem, another reason is for health reasons. Yet as a person continues to neglect their physical health and looks deteriorate, so does the self esteem. By looks I do not mean beauty, I mean an image that says to the world, "hey I care about myself". Love and guidance from other people is good, but we ourselves are responsible for how we feel and look. Great looks is not the main issue here, but maintaining good health and cleanliness is what makes a person attractive. I personally would feel my significant other as taking our relationship for granted if he were to just give up and let himself go with no interest or concern in improving himself. As you said, we all age, and our beauty comes from who we are within. Yet no matter how beautiful you are within, if the outside is saying, " look at me, I don't care if I do not bath, eat too my hearts content (or heart attack)", then this in itself is unattractive. It is one thing to say, "I love you for who you are", and another to love only when he or she is perfect, and yet another to just sit by while our love one destroys their health. Try to get your wife into some program that will support her efforts in loseing the excess weight gain for no other reason than concern for her well being. Best of luck to you!.

Answer 5

That is so mean. You love you spouse for who they are, not what their body looks like. When I found out I was pregnant, I was worried I might gain weight and I told my husband about it, do you know what he told me? He said even if I gain 400 lbs., He will love me and want me the same. It is about your wifes personality, not her clothing size.

Answer 6

It does to me. The wife knows that. She makes great effort to keep within the standard I set for her! I love her more because of that.

Answer 7

Yes, but it works both ways - alot of guys become slobs after they have been married awhile

Answer 8

word. you might keep them around cause you more or less still like them and it's too damn expensive to divorce them...just find yourself a hot little gf for the sex if your wife is just plain not attractive any longer...that's the real answer