My husband only seems to treat me good when he gets sex on a regular basis. If I don't feel like it he takes it personally and cuts himself off emotionally from me. He will ignore me and not call me. If he gets sex he's considerate, does errands, calls to see how I am feeeling, etc. He isn't nice to me unless he's getting sex. I really don't feel he loves me. Shouldn't he love me all the time regardless of the amount of sex he's getting? There are times I seriously have wanted to divorce him over this. Am I wrong?
2007-03-13 02:05:08 · 12 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course he takes it personally.
Women do not understand that most men need regular sex to feel connected with their wives. To feel like they matter to them.
It is hurtful and very personal when you don't want to have sex with us.
Him not being as nice when he's not getting sex means he's frustrated and feeling less loved himself. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Look at these 2 scenarios:
1. No sex. Miserable husband. Does nothing for wife. Miserabe wife.
2. Sex. Happy husband. Does stuff for wife. Happy wife.
Doesn't #2 sound a whole lot better?
If having sex with him is THAT much of a chore that you won't do it even if doing it brings happiness to you both, THAT is VERY hurtful.
Come on. Screw your husbands brains out and have fun doing it. You'll both be better off for it.
EDIT I don't know what kind of frequency we're talking about. If weeks go by without you "feeling like it", that's going to be a problem. I'm not saying it has to be every night, but most guys want it at least 3-4 times a week.
2007-03-13 02:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by Disco Stu 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just to let you know not all men are like this hone. My husband is good to me all the time and never treats me like this. Dont get me wrong yes he likes sex but he still treats me good not matter what. Your husband may feel accepted by you when he gets sex and this is what makes him feel good about himself. I suggest you both seek marriage counseling and work on the marriage. Do not divorce him over this seek help for the marriage and talk to him and tell him how you are feeling about it. His love for you should not be on just how much sex he is getting basis... I also recommend you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help in this matter. I wish you the best and hope things get better for you and your marriage soon. I am here to talk if you need to talk as well... Hugs today. Maybe he wants to be intimate and one with you and that may be a good thing in a way. Men are sexually driven creatures and as women we are emotionally driven.
2007-03-13 09:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Keep in mind that is isnt just sex. It is also intimacy. I know that I feel closer to my wife when things are going good under the covers. Marriage is about being best friends in life and close intimate partners, when the intimacy goes away part of the marriage is gone also. Talk with him, explain that sometimes you dont feel like it, that doesnt mean you wont be chasing him around tomorrow. In the mean time remember that he is craving the intimacy not just sex.
2007-03-13 09:17:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he shouldn't.
Let me phrase a similar question for you.
Shouldn't my wife love me all the time and be considerate and have sex with me even if I don't feel like talking to her for a couple weeks? She takes it so personally!
Many (perhaps most) husbands need sexual contact with their partner as much as their wives need to talk and share their feelings and thoughts. It is, as another poster said, about intimacy. I wouldn't say he 'cuts himself off emotionally from you'. It would be _much_ more accurate to say that when you reject him, he feels emotionally cut off from you - and you notice the shift! When you reject him, HE feels unloved.
I'm sure you _both_ love each other, and it would be better if you could both not take it personally - but its pretty normal for a husband's connection to his wife, feeling loved by her, to be focussed on her wanting to have sex with him and caring about his sexual needs.
2007-03-13 12:01:21 · answer #4 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a few months you will be asking why he is looking at porn on the Internet!
Why is it so hard for women to understand that men are visual creatures we want to please our lovers and be happy.
Given the times you get down maybe you should see if a compromise can be reached. If you need see if your sexual levels are being effected by medications or some chemical inbalance that chanages your desire to have sex with your husband.
2007-03-13 10:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I appreciate that men are sexually driven (so can women be under the right circumstances guys!!) but this behaviour is gross manipulation. My husband could be vile and emotionally abusive but if he thought he might get sex he would suddenly bring out the wine bottle. Its very sad - they really need to try and understand how women work - perhaps you could try some mediation with a sympathetic person?
2007-03-13 10:27:02 · answer #6 · answered by Delerious? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is probably a little insecure and he feels that you use sex to punish him, when you do not. it might be how his mother treated his father when he was growing up.
personally i would pay him a little more attention. praise him for the errands he runs. when you have sex make sure he knows you enjoyed it. try new things to spice things up. when you do not feel like it explain to him why, do not get huffy or cold. tell him how you feel when he cuts himself off emotionally from you. how hurt you feel. tell him you enjoy it more when you feel like you can really get into it.
2007-03-13 09:21:05 · answer #7 · answered by misse 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm...being kind and helpful to your spouse because you get alittle trim is not a true spouse and lover. Guess that I can't fault you for your feelings on this. Did you ever ask "Hey...how come you treat me nice when you get laid but when you don't I'm considered a second class citizen?". Maybe he'll give you the answer you may...or God forbid..may not..be looking for.
In any case I say call him on this strange behavior. What have you got to lose? Communication is important and would you risk a marriage over failure to question your spouse's behavior?
2007-03-13 09:13:52 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
being married means ur commited to your partner in all his needs, and its one of woman reponsibility to satiesfied his man in bed, and love making was one in the 4 foundation of marriage, the more you do it, the better, im sure ur husband will really get angry if you dont want to have sex with him, if u dont like having sex with ur husband then i guess u dont love him,
2007-03-13 10:32:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend is same, when he want somethings from me he always speak good and play alot jokes to make me laugh and happy, but i always go hard to him every time when he do like this.
and he didn't get what he want from me and he will not because i dumped him not long ago
2007-03-13 09:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by 2Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋