Ok so heres the story, me and james have been together for a year hings moved pretty fast and we lived together after a few months due to him being in a serious motorcycle accident.
No months on down the line, if you have read my other question you will know that im really insecure, paranoid that hes cheating and basically have low self esteem.
I do everything around the house, i cook, clean, wash, iron, look after our 3 dogs and 2 cats. Theres nothing he wants or needs for. When he comes home from work his dinner is ready and even if he wants a drink from the kitchen i get it for him as he has been at work all day and i dont mind doing things for him.
The thing thats getting me is i dont think he apperciates just how hard i have it doing everything, i want him to apperciate the things i do and to think "hey this girls a real catch", when i do make an effort with my apperance he does comment me but i want more, hopefully one of you ladys out there will know what i mean, ty x
2007-03-13 01:47:21 · 16 answers · asked by MICHELLE T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
man are really from Mars.
2007-03-13 01:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by guRl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like no matter how little or much you do, its you that has the problem, Its like the "am i fat question" when a thin woman is asking it. Your basing you relationship on trying to provide a lovely little nest. Dont be so sure thats what he wants, most men dont mind a bit of mess. If you at home then theres no harm doing it anyway but try to be a bit more physical with him. I dont mean bonk him to death but he will appreciate sitting on the sofa cuddled up to you more than sitting on a sofa with reflections bouncing off all the highly polished surfaces.You need to relax a bit, try a bit of retail therapy. My missus recently spent a small fortune on lingere ( some for me) and we had a great time together! And the dishes had to wait(which I did)!
2007-03-13 09:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by carswoody 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're asking the wrong question. This problem is nothing to do with him. You're problem sounds like your low self esteem and paranoia. You don't say if you work? Do you? If you don't then thats a way to build up your self esteem. If you're at home all day with nothing to think ab but your own fears and insecurities it can be hard to think logically chicks.
As for gettin him to appreciate you. You have to try get out more with the girls or take up a class doin something just for you. I guarantee he'll realise how much you do for him when you're not around to do it. Good luck x x x
2007-03-13 10:29:58 · answer #3 · answered by Dolly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know just what you mean. It sounds like 50/50 to me. You have never mentioned you are not happy about it so how should he know?? if someone was doing ll that for you, you may well just get used to it and start to take it for granted. Start by asking him to do small things like, lay the table, move the washing and when he does, thank him, boys like being praised. If he refuses or makes a fuss about it, then you need to try and talk to him. Not have a go a him but just try and say how you feel. If he really cares he will help you out more. That's how I played it when I was in your situation.
2007-03-13 09:20:12 · answer #4 · answered by monkienutz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason he doesn't appreciate you is that you are being a doormat and men find that a complete turn off and totally boring. You are being so predictable by waiting on him hand and foot is it any wonder he takes you for granted? I think you are trying far too hard and wanting too much. Stop waiting on him at every turn, be your own person instead of an extension of him and he will appreciate you more. By the way NOBODY is irreplaceable so don't even think about it. Good luck.
2007-03-13 09:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
all i can say is he does sound pretty selfish or at least certainly doesn't realise what hes got. i know thats not very nice but thats how he sounds just from what you've said. you can't make someone appreciate you and realise your irreplaceable! that is up to him as a person to realise the good qualities have.
if you didn't do so much, he will then see how much you do do!
i do the same for my b/f, we don't live together, but i'm round his house more than i am round at my house.
we both have a child each and also both work. so anything we do for each-other we appreciate, beacause we realise wot one is doing for the other.
why not ask him to give you a hand and see what he says. if he says he's been working all day.....you have too!!
2007-03-13 09:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by Bird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
k, heres wat i did
long version- i thought my man was cheating- so i told him that. he took this girls side in a fight and i shoved it in his face. i talked to him. im rele insecure about relationships and i told him that i didn't know what to do, and that breaking up was a choice i was considering. we decided to sleep on it and we would talk more the next day. the next day i couldn't talk until the afternoon, but he sent me a message that basically said he was rele sorry, he just wanted another chance, and that if he could just make me happy then everything would b ok. when i didn't answer (i was busy) he sent me another message that said that he didn't know if he wrote everything in the first one, but that he rele wants me to b happy and hes so sorry he was wrong.
in the end i told him that i would stay with him, but that i was rele scared he would hurt me again. i also put him bak at square one, just to prove a point.
now, hes worried sh*tless that hes gonna mess up and lose me. he is still trying to do everything perfectly... its time like this i know im w/ the right guy
o, he also know that there is a waiting line of guys that want to take his place.
short version- basically, if u seem like ur gonna leave and that he can b easily replaced, then he'll show u just how much hes worth by holding on to u
2007-03-13 09:04:12 · answer #7 · answered by neverland22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do just the same as u ...but my bloke just thinks thats what women r meant to do...my bloke only realises he's gotta catch as once he said i hadn't cooked sumthing right n he was gettin all moody throwin a tantrum i just said well find some other mug to do what i do coz i quit ...that was the best week of my life coz i did bugger all he was on his hands n knees by the end of the week ( he even cried like a little girl)
2007-03-13 10:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a man, what more is there to say.
If he works all day and your at home (didn't say if you had kids) all day then I think its pretty fair.
Sit down and tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works to provide for you - see if responds back by say the same.
2007-03-13 08:56:59 · answer #9 · answered by luz2loz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is just fix your *** up one night. Do your hair, makeup, nails everything. Just completely go all out on yourself. Find someone to take the kids and when he comes home and sees you all dolled up, tell him you are going OUT!!! I bet you will stop him in his tracks and he will get incredibly jealous. Take some extra time and show him what got him interested in the first place.
2007-03-13 08:56:25 · answer #10 · answered by hopedplummer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody is irreplaceable. I spent 26 years doing what you are doing, the more you do the more they let you. He takes you for granted like you (and I) probably took our mums for granted. He won't realise what you do until you stop doing it.
Not what you want to hear - sorry but its true.
2007-03-13 18:36:26 · answer #11 · answered by intelligentbutdizzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋