I think that my boyfriend is getting cold feet after moving in w/me. He doesn't go out much but the last 4 times he has:
1) Xmas party at mates w/strippers: Continuously rejected my calls then answered and called me a b**lbuster.
2) He "forgot" his mobile (out with boys)
3) His phone "went flat". Excuse = I couldn't charge my mobile cos yours was on the powerpoint (-there's more than one powerpoint in a house)
4) Wedding - Calls n says 'I'm leaving wedding shortly at 11.30pm then comes home at 4.45am! Went 2 pub w/boys after wedding.
He has a bucks nite coming up & when I told him u better not come home at some ridiculous hour like 5am he told me just laughed :-( I honestly do not think that he cheats on me but I feel very disrespected, sort of like he will do what he wants to do when he wants regardless of how his actions makes me feel. I don't want to be treated like a doormat but whether I try to talk to him, get upset or yell it doesnt make a difference -what do I do?
2007-03-13 00:59:38 · 13 answers · asked by sagittarius_82 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to put it so bluntly dear.. but it seems to me the reason he wants you there at all, is so you can attend to his "physical" needs, but he has no interest in what you have to say.
That's a pretty sad situation you've gotten yourself into.. but I have to ask.. what did you expect would happen? You moved in with your boyfriend, which to me is your first mistake. It's not like it never happens or anything, but once you move in with the guy, the whole idea of a stronger committment (if that's what you're after) really becomes less attractive to him. I mean, it's like they always say.. "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free"
I'm sorry, but I really think that he wanted you there for the whole "convienence" of it all, not for you to move in, and tell him what he should and shouldn't do.
I should say, I totally agree with you on everything. What he is doing, is very disrespectful to you. But it's like I said, what else did you expect to happen, when you just up and move in with your boyfriend?? Just because you two now live together, doesn't mean that things are going to be "different" or anything. And my guess is that he did those kinds of things before you moved in, whether you realized it or not.
Other than the convienence of sleeping in the same bed, I cannot imagine why any couple that is dating, would think it's a good idea to move in together. It's really not... Sadly, you've set yourself up in a situation where you're not very well respected.
One more thing... I know you seem to think you can trust this guy, but personally.. I would be shocked if he wasn't out cheating on you all the time. I mean, with everything you've said, unless he's really that glued to his friends, things just don't make sense. So, you may want to do some checking around, and see what's really going on when he's out..
Best of luck.
2007-03-13 01:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys really have a tough time making the transition from b/f to 'live-in b/f'. If it's his first time, you are definitely his 'guinea pig'. It takes a long time for many guys to get the idea that it's not just them anymore but you're part of the mix too now. It seems pretty selfish on his part, but it's not an unusual situation.
While there aren't any easy answers to this, the only thing I can suggest is for you to go out and have your fun too, and not dwell so much on what he's doing when he does go out. He's not getting cold feet - he just isn't sure what his role is and that's something that he has to figure out if HE wants the relationship to work out. It's an adjustment period for both of you, and until you can find some balance, it's not always fun.
What I've learned is that cohabiting in a relationship is what you make it. It's not the fairy tale we would all like to believe. If you become increasingly unhappy and feel that he's just not into it or into figuring out how to make it work - perhaps you'll have to rethink things ...
2007-03-13 08:22:23 · answer #2 · answered by Plexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry girl,you better find another place to live.Im a man,been young a long time ago,it was fun.Been married 16 years,went out for 2 years first.I never disrespected my wife like he did you.If he does these things now ,it will only get worse,trust me.He sounds like a big piece of crap.He gives men a bad name,no wonder why there are so many lesbians today,who wood want to put up with that.
2007-03-13 08:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to say this, but actually, your boyfriend is telling you indirectly to mind your own business. Sad, but it is true. Men don't like to be own or have to account for their time away. Hence, the excuses are just his way of tell you.
Remember you are just staying together, not legally married. Hence, he has no obligations/ responsibilities to you.
You have your own life to lead. Hence, go out with your friends too... have fun, go dancing, go pubbing....it's the lifestyle you have to adopt rather than stay at home and wait for him.
You'll bound to lose him for sure. My advise is to go and enjoy your life. If he turn around and started nagging you about staying away till late, then it shows he wanted to get tied down. Otherwise, don't waste your life away mopping for him to come home.
2007-03-13 08:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Little cloud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Serves you right for living with just a boyfriend you aren't married to. Also if you are ready to live with someone you should learn some communication skills. Let him know it bothers you. He doesnt have to respect you because you aren't married. Dont bother getting married either because that wont change anything. Go live in seperate houses before the situation gets any worse and save the living with a man until you marry one! And make sure you have good compromise/communication skills before you do!
2007-03-13 08:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by trishay79 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you're playing house with your boyfriend by being a live in maid and sex toy without a ring or a major commitment, and you're upset because he's not changing his lifestyle accordingly? What did you expect without at least being engaged? And by the way...........guys NEVER forget their phones, forget to take them off vibrate, or have dead batteries for people they WANT to hear from! Sorry, but nagging girlfriends who act like wives don't qualify!
2007-03-13 08:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't acting respectful at all. He probably feels "trapped' and is acting it out in this manner. You need to turn the tables and do the same thing he does. Don't tell him where you are going, don't answer your cell phone. Do this SEVERAL TIMES - without commenting when he complains. Maybe he will figure it out on your own.
2007-03-13 08:04:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, spare us the details they are more for you than for us.
Basically the reason why you moved in with your BF was to see if you guys were marriage material or compatible for marriage. This is why couples move in together.
So now you have the answer... you are not compatible with one another when it comes to marriage. So you can continue to live with him as BF/GF or you can decide to move on and get your own apartment.
2007-03-13 08:54:16 · answer #8 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you be nice to the cow if you can get the milk for free? Dump his sorry jerka$$ and move out already.
2007-03-13 08:04:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like the honeymoon is over. Sorry.
2007-03-13 08:02:45 · answer #10 · answered by jacquie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋