My husband has been out of work for 7 months. He has been trying really hard to find work. Our only income is my low paying job which can be quite stressfull. I have been trying to find a different or second job, because I cannot support our whole family.
When I get up Im expected to make breakfast, get our daughter ready and dressed, get myself ready and tidy the house. When I get home Im expected to clean, find time to do laundry, cook dinner, give our daughter a bath and story etc.
He does virtually nothing. His sole responsibility is driving me to work which takes about 3 hours total a week. Oh yah and sometimes he takes out trash.
When I was working part time and watching our daughter he expected to come home to a home cooked meal and neat home. While I feel the work load isnt necessarily too much for one person, I resent that I never can just have a day to relax and unwind. He wont even do a load of laundry. I had to wake up at 630 am so id have clothes for work!
2007-03-13 00:24:07 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Choose your battles carefully, hon. Pick one or two things to add to his one other responsibility and ask if he would be willing to do those things regularly. Overwhelming him by telling him he doesn't help with anything will just annoy him.
I've been fighting this war for years, and while I've only been able to convince him to help with very few things, it's usually not because he doesn't care about helping me but that he's too lazy to remember to do them. He can walk past dirty dishes and not notice them (even if they stink!) while I can't. It's a matter of perspective.
The best advice I ever got about this was from a co-worker, and it sounds backwards. Ask him to do something once, then do it yourself. This way, you aren't nagging, it gets done one way or another, and usually if they see that they missed their chance to help they're slightly more likely to help next time. Keep in mind that he most likely isn't ignoring you on purpose and just doesn't understand how much you would appreciate the help. After all, you did everything for a long time on your own.
2007-03-13 00:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by KyLeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every women would like to know the answer to this question. You are not alone. We are getting ready to move and I am expected to work a full week and pack while trying to cook and clean ect. I did get my husband to start doing the laundry a while ago because we bought a washer and dryer ten years ago when we moved into this house and he never hooked up the dryer because he said it cost to much to run... He is very cheap anyways he hung laundry lines in our basement and I was expected to hang dry everything. So I just stopped doing laundry and one day he needed clean clothes and there were none. Maybe one day you just need to wake up late and not have time to get your daughter ready and make him take responsibility for her or he has to keep her home, Best of Luck..... Hopefully he will find a job soon..... You are not alone....
2007-03-13 00:38:14 · answer #2 · answered by winter wonderland 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unemployed men, especially if unemployed for this long, may develop major depressive disorder, which will immobilize him to some extent. Things to do:
1) have 1 (no more) conversation about sharing chores. Write down list of all chores and split them up equitably, and since you work, he should assume responsibility for >80% of them
2) If he refuses, clean and do what is necessary for your survival alone and see what he does with his side (his laundry, dinner, dinner dish, groceries, etc.). My wife and I went on strike once to teach our children about responsibility- within 2 weeks they were pitching in on everything. The strike was painful for both of us, but it worked!
3) insist on therapy as this may, if it hasn't already, erode your relationship
4) Don't nag- it creates more problems-- action, action, action will do more (or is it inaction)
5) In the chores conversation, make a contract with him that job searching will be his job until he finds one (even if it's McDonalds, Wal-Mart, a gas station- anything). Job search should last 6-8 hours per day- no less!!!!
6) If he has not moved about after about 2-3 weeks of this, ask him to move out for 1-2 weeks (be careful here as this may result in a real separation- you be the judge on this one) to think about his role in the home-- parasite is not one.
7) If he returns and is employed, renegotiate the relationship and he is to do no less than 50% of the housework!
8) keep loving him: stop enabling him!
G'Luck
2007-03-13 00:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you found a second job as a stripper part-time and that he's not required to do anything except lay around and take your hand outs, as long as he doesn't ask any questions about your work or hours. You can take care of everything except the household; if he doesn't like the arrangement, he can leave or get a job beneath his standards so you don't have to take the second job. See what he says in reply...
2007-03-13 00:33:14 · answer #4 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change someone else, you know that. However, you have quite the laundry list here. Have you actually tried talking to him? You say you are "expected" to do certain things - isn't it just YOU who is expecting this, and not him?
Time to change your attitude, support your husband a LOT better and bring some happiness to your family. Sheesh! Time to mature, and not want to be treated like a princess; you are a grown woman with a family to look after and take care of - do your jobs!
2007-03-13 00:54:04 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that the marriage is made up of two people. He needs to get off his fat duff and help you!!!! He needs to get a JOB!!@! If he is at home, it wouldn't kill him to help you with the house and laundry!!! My husband had no choice when I shattered my ankle a year ago!! His mother taught him WELL! He does the cooking, only because I don't want to fight oveer the kitchen, he will help with the dishes and laundry!!! He's a GOOD MAN!!! It takes TWO!!!
2007-03-13 00:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by margret t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to him that while he is not working he is going to have to start doing the house work cooking and taking care of your daughter more.
If that doesn't work then you need to get tough and only do the stuff that needs to be done for your daughter and yourself let him fend for hisself, I mean don't even fix his breakfast or dinner for him and after a couple of days he should straighten up and if he doesn't then you are going to have to deal with it because he will never change.
2007-03-13 02:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he's forgetting one thing, you work for a living and he doesn't. That just makes it all the easier for you to throw him out especially since he does nothing for you including bringing home a paycheck.
2007-03-13 00:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has got a bad case of lazy just tell him to help out around the house see what he says and if that dont work tell him to get out he is not trying to hard to get a job he is just useing you and you are letting him
2007-03-13 00:31:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could kick him out or don't do anything around the house that enables him to be the lazy person he has become. Don't do his cooking or cleaning make him realise that he has responsibilities to your daughter as well. Good luck
2007-03-13 00:30:25 · answer #10 · answered by purpleorca 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋