my boyfriend lost a close friend sunday evening. as i tried to talk to and calm him down on the phone, he told me he wasn't going to talk to me for awhile, that he needed to be alone. i understand people grieve in their own ways, but its making me feel like i can't do ANYTHING to help him through this rough time. i'd really like to be there for him, but he won't let me...
what can i do? i love him so much, and it pains me to know what he's going through.
2007-03-12 21:54:55 · 11 answers · asked by @imeeatt!tude 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You just need to be there for him. I know that's a cliche, but it's true. Don't force him to open up to you, or cry to you, or talk to you, because that will only make him angry at you.
Just be around. But don't make it look like you're giving him special treatment, if that makes sense. Just be calm, and patient, and wait, and if he wants to speak to you about it, he will.
Everybody grieves differently, yes. All you can do to help him grieve is to be patient and caring, but not smothering. Be gentle.
2007-03-12 22:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on him. He's hurting so much right now that he doesn't realize that he's hurting you. He might pull himself out of it in a week or so, or it could take months. Some people never get over it. Give him some space for a few days, but after that try to talk to him. Let him know that whatever he wants to talk about--his friend, the weather--you're there, and if he needs anything to let you know. I know it sounds pretty generic, but sometimes the best thing you can do for a person that's hurting is let them know they're not alone. Don't try to force him into talking, but don't let him retreat into himself for too long either. It's so hard to see someone you love hurting and know that you can't fix it, but just being there and letting him know that you love him is really all you can do. If he starts to worry you with his behavior, suggest he speak with a member of the church or a grief counselor. Be patient-the heart is always the slowest to heal. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.
2007-03-12 22:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by dmarie2101 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how helpless you must feel and how hard it is to see someone you love suffer... but you are right, everyone grieves in their own way. Right now he really might need to retreat into his shell, or only be with people who were as close to his friend as he was... and he may be trying to protect you by letting you know that at the moment, he doesn't have the energy to put into a romantic relationship.
You can't force yourself on him.. he'd probably find that incredibly annoying... but you could send him one or two IM's or emails a day.. just short ones letting him know that you're thinking of him, that you'll be there for him when he is ready for your comforting.
He is a lucky man to have someone to care for him so much.
2007-03-12 22:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know you care. A text message saying "I hope you're okay," or a card, or something like that. Leaving a rose or flowers on his doorstep might be nice, too.
Just make sure you don't force him to open up to you, while still assuring him that you're there for him when he needs you.
This may sound kind of harsh, but if he feels like he needs your help, he'll let you know. Sometimes he won't even bring it up, and in that case it might be best not to discuss it.
2007-03-12 22:08:13 · answer #4 · answered by Remi Hime 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for him is to respect him and his need to be alone. By this you are doing something great so don't think that you can't do anything. Silence, presence and understanding are the best you can offer to your friend at this moment.
2007-03-12 22:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Tere - educator & professor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him an i love you card and leave it at his door. let him know that your sorry for his loss and will be here for him when he's ready. give him time. men are hard headed. they don't deal with things like we do. they want to do it on their own and if they feel like they have to get better with your help it makes them feel weak. dont worry he will come around. when he does, just listen.
2007-03-12 22:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by hottie hot hot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just drop by at his house with his fave fast food and give it to him and say hi and then leave. It shows concern and understanding and I think when the mourning passes he will apreciate it more. Just drifting away will be bad.
2007-03-12 22:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just let him know he has your support when he is ready to talk about ANYTHING (doesnt have to be the loss of his friend).
its completely normal for him not to want to talk about it right now. dont take offense to it. i know you want to help, but until he is ready to talk you just be there like you have been.
good luck!
2007-03-12 22:00:24 · answer #8 · answered by Queenly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him 48 hours and then try again to talk...
2007-03-12 22:18:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi
i am dev can i help u i am social worker
2007-03-12 22:28:27 · answer #10 · answered by Davender S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋