My husband cheated a fair bit, and he doesn't cover his tracks. Example, he left an opened condom packet in the bathroom where I'd see it. He also stated that if he wanted sex, he'll 'just go out and get it'. My boss said she was worried about me, she said I was exhibiting symptoms of somebody who's been abused. I never noticed it and didnt understand why - I thought those symptoms were felt by people who are beaten physically and verbally berated, he's never done this to me. So is it possible the cheating has done this to me? Your help appreciated. Thanks
2007-03-12 21:07:40 · 11 answers · asked by Vanessa 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
N0tsan 3 thanks for dumping a bit more humiliation on my shoulders by calling me stupid. Good onya mate, needed that like a hole in the head.
2007-03-12 21:30:47 · update #1
The truth be told you were most likely experiencing emotional abuse before he started cheating on you, just didn't realize it. That kind of blatant disrespect is something that builds up over time. Most likely he did it gradually over time testing your boundaries and observing how much control he had over you. I actually detest men like that, however that does not mean they do what they do without reason. Don't get me wrong it's never a good reason, but a reason none the less. Maybe he just is waiting for you to leave him, or maybe he does not want to end the relationship himself. Regardless of his reasoning this is not a healthy relationship for you. What you decide to do about is up to you though. I have seen far too many women stay too long with the wrong man only to regret it later. At the end of the day when you look in the mirror you are the only one looking back at you. Take care of yourself first.
2007-03-12 21:26:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what your expectations were from the outset of marriage. If your husband swore to be faithful to you, and now isn't, he is at the very least breaking an oath he made. I'd probably add showing you considerable disrespect in there too.
If on the other hand he was up front with you, and said he loves you but can't be physically faithful, and you agreed to this, then he's not setting out to emotionally abuse you. I know quite a few guys who fall into this category - can't remain physically faithful, but would never hurt their wives. Problem is in these cases, if the world of lies falls apart, the wives will be terribly hurt, not only by philandering but also by the untruths.
The question I have to ask is what do YOU want? What do you expect from a husband? And to truly put his actions in perspective, how would he feel if you did the same to him?
If you're going to have a relationship based on equality, which is the least you should accept, then what works one way must also work the other.
2007-03-13 04:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by Dogstarrr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Penny, Yes, He is emotional abusing you. With him leaving empty condom packages around and telling you if he wants sex he will go out and get it. The best thing you can do to stop all of this emotional abuse is to leave the B A S T A R D. You don't have to put up with this kind of abuse. You deserve a lot better than you are getting. Leave and walk out with your head up high and proud of yourself for getting out of a terrible relationship. Then file for your divorce. I was physical and mentally abuse by my husband and i got my divorce final in 2-8-2007. It's the best thing i have ever done for myself. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-03-13 04:32:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see your point.
There is no excuse for what your husband is doing, it's wrong, and rubbing it in is doubly wrong.
However, you should make a choice for yourself. Your question sounds like you're looking for a justification to call yourself a victim. You are in effect victimizing yourself.
It is tempting, because you don't have to fight, you simply have to recall your story to receive pity from others.
However, it will also freeze your life. You will not move on as long as you enjoy your self-pity, and the longer you stay in it, the more you become convinced you're really a helpless person, incapable of changing your own situation for the better. It's an addiction and the longer you stay in it, the harder it is to get out.
Do you really want to do that?
2007-03-13 05:15:50 · answer #4 · answered by mgerben 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, and if he was hiding it, the same applies. Adultery is a selfish act in itself. And being open about it, shows emotional indifference on his part. Being the brow-beaten doormat wont keep him. It will only keep you waiting for him to come around. And he wont, only when he wants something. We always know its over, before we say it. And staying wont help a situation like that.
2007-03-13 04:59:43 · answer #5 · answered by Perry B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The disdain and lack of respect he shows to you with those behaviors is a form of emotional abuse.
As the now ex-wife of a cheating husband, I can also attest that allowing someone to do that to you is also a form of emotional self-mutilation and that the lack of self-respect it can indicate is an almost bigger problem that needs to be addressed whatever you decide to do with your marriage.
2007-03-13 04:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Etumon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure does, it's right up there with Adultery and DIVORCE.
And if that inconsiderate of your feelings then should show him how the shoe fits.
List him on web site:
http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/home
Show him at lest when you get screwed you like a smile on your face!
2007-03-13 04:20:55 · answer #7 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being actively abused you need to take care of yourself and get out of this relationship.
2007-03-13 04:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Olivia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it does, the worst form of emotional abuse
2007-03-13 04:43:43 · answer #9 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It constitutes stupidity on your part....if you do not give negative consequences for that sort of action why should he bother to cover it up. Would anyone stop doing something they liked(even if it is wrong), if you do not punish him for it?
2007-03-13 04:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by n0tsan3 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋