that im begining to think there is no such thing as love, I just cant get my head round it, How people in life can get away with hurting other people so badly, As now i just feel if someone wants to get really close to me i shut them off because off past experiances will i ever find the one for me and be happy again as im finding it very hard ????
2007-03-12 20:35:46 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I was reading about a therapist at Esalen that is doing some work on abandonment reactions. I think I have this! I was very hurt when I was younger, and every relationship since crashes. And it sounds as if you may be having this experience too. Be kind to yourself.
2007-03-12 20:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by katy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this and it is hard. However time heals and yes, you do put up all the bariers under the sun to avoid getting close to anyone else, but please do not give up hope! I was on my own for 6 years before I trusted anyone else into my life, and I soon found it becoming easier and easier to live a full single life until that happened. I just did things for me, and focused on what I really wanted in life. The right person does come along and the longer it takes you will realise that although these others hurt you badly, they did you a favour in the end cos you become a much stronger being with the attitude that you will never get hurt again. You will be happy and you will settle down and when you do it will be great. Good luck hun xx
2007-03-12 20:46:20 · answer #2 · answered by Jaksi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on you and how you deal with the situation. you may have been unlucky with your past relationship. but that doesn't mean everyone in the world is waiting in line to get a chance to hurt you. you need to do a few things:
1. believe in love as it is certain. it will come around someday.
2. believe in yourself. you are the one who attracts people or repels them. it's in your hands, not the other way round.
3. look after yourself and stop thinking about what you regret of your past. learn from your experiences and move on.
4. some changes may help. maybe there's something you do that only attracts jerks. (remember i said maybe, i don't know you. this may or may not be the case with you. it's what you need to find out) if that's the case, then change yourself towards a different direction.
5. don't shut people out. some of them are really there for you. if you shut them out they may never come back.
6. live your life as a normal person. don't wake up every morning and say to yourself "i'm a loser. i've had two very bad relationships in the past" remember you are not the only one and compared to many other people, your situation is actually very good!
7. now that i've said the above, i have to warn you, don't go outside throwing yourself at guys (or the sex you are attracted to. i said guys since i think you are a girl!) appriciate yourself. have some pride but not too much. you may wanna play hard-to-get to find out if the other person really cares about you.
in the end, remember it all depends on you, how you think, how you behave, how you dress, how you talk, and basically how you live your life. think rationally and go with your heart. i'm sure you'll be fine.
good luck
2007-03-12 20:59:18 · answer #3 · answered by Mohammad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you get run over by a bus, who is at fault? You are because you didn't get out of the way.
I had been hurt before. Many times. I knew what I wanted in a partner when I knew exactly what I did not want.
You have to love and respect yourself first. When you do, you set a standard of how you would like to be treated. If your potential partner does not meet this standard, then they are not the one for you.
Love is an action word. It is one thing to say "I love you", but if that person does not follow up this declaration with meaningful actions, then they do not love you.
When people enter a relationship, each person has an expectation of what they want out of the relationship. When expectations do not match, then the relationship will end in hurt.
Also, a potential partner should earn your trust. Remember, this person is a stranger to you. You would never hand over a child to look after to someone you do not know, without investigating the trustworthiness of this person first. Do not hand over you heart without investigating a person's trustworthiness also.
2007-03-12 21:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by xlntls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it time, they say it heals your heart. It may have happened for a reason to make you a better person.
May be he was right for you at that time of your life but not now and there is someone still waiting for you out there.
2007-03-12 20:45:28 · answer #5 · answered by southpaw 09 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have been badly hurt in past, but thats where you have to leave these experiences - in the past, learn from mistakes but move on with your life.
Don't let it hold you back or you may exclude someone special from coming in to your life.
2007-03-12 23:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by luz2loz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋