He recently moved to Singapore (5 weeks) ago and our plan was for me to join him there in 3 weeks time. I went to Singapore last week as planned to choose an apartment together etc and completely out of the blue my husband tells me he was ok for the first couple of weeks and then suddenly he realized he wasnt' looking forward to me arriving and he is unsure of his feelings towards me. We have been happily married for the past 5 years and been together for 10 years. Neither one of us can stand deceipt or cheating, as I assume most people reading this will think he has cheated. We saw a counsellor and she is confident we can work through this but he says he is trying but it's like a switch has gone off in his head. I am desperate. We talk 3 times a day on the phone and are very close.. We both want to work to save our marriage. He has been going out with workmates and has been flattered by the Singaporean girls rubbing against him etc which disgusts me to be honest. Any advice please?
2007-03-12 20:27:57 · 19 answers · asked by michelle c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Michelle,
Your husband needs to decide if he wants the marriage or Singapore and what it offers.
He hasn't switch anything off...he is simply trying to run away from you and using every excuse in the book to do so.
You haven't told us if you have any children in your marriage...but if you do then you need to ask your husband if he is prepared to throw away all that just for the fun of Singapore.
You need to break his outing with his workmates. Either you join them out or you keep him from going and engage him in a date.
Just keep hanging in there and do what it takes to keep things together for now and pray for things to change.
2007-03-12 20:51:59 · answer #1 · answered by Dazanix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I am Singapore guy, and I always find Singapore girls very attractive. Even I had travel many other countries, I still think the same way. He may not cheat, but certainly something have changed, and you are still keep in the dark.
2007-03-13 03:52:23 · answer #2 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you no how many stories I have heard that are the same when it comes to husbands.My husband would tell me all the time he can't stand a lyer so I believed that and lived by that.He got real chummy with the females at his job and I didn't like it and I told him so.He said It was in my head and nothing was going on.I believed him after all he told me he doesn't like anyone who lies.He really had me believing that until I was told by someone at his job that a female co-worker and my husband was having an affair. That was the day my eyes opened up to what was really going on behind my back .We women believe in marriage and our vows we take and so do our husbands at the time but as time goes by and the men get older their wedding vows are just words that is forgotten as soon as the first female comes along and makes them feel the way we use to make them feel .That is when they fall out of love with us (so they think) and just as soon as the excitement wears off they want to come back home to us wives.I think it is time for you to open your eyes and tell your husband if you don't want me now then forget about tomorow because there won't be one for us.
2007-03-13 03:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, your husband has good tactics ...
He explained you his confusion, doesn't want you to move to Singapore ... so he has his "playground" ... he wants to work on your marriage (over the phone)
- but in case something happens (a nice singaporean girl ..) it is because he is confused, far away from you ....he has his "alibi" ....
Sorry, I know that this is not something you want to read ...
Why don't you tell him that you are confused, too ... that maybe being apart is not such a bad idea ... that you yourself have recognized that certain looks or gestures of other men towards you have an effect on you that makes you understand his confusion ? ... but, of course, you want to save your marriage,too and it is good to have counselor and long phone calls (well, maybe not so long calls anymore, because you want to go out with your workmates, too !) .....
He will understand, believe me ...
2007-03-13 04:43:01 · answer #4 · answered by GBH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he allowing these Singaporean girls to flirt with him, if he wants to work on your marriage??
Carry on with the marriage counseling, and pray that things will click back into place. Don't act jealous around him &be patient.
Let him know in suttle terms that u have given ur life to him &this marriage, u wont let him go easily.
Else Good Luck: this is quite a predicment, stay strong!!
2007-03-13 03:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it makes him feel like a man you know the big head king of the house...try turning the sheets so to say...he wants the "king" give it to him girl play the part ...you win after all he took you there you have a long history together so you know he loves you. remeber the games we played at school with all the guys the head games...start rolling the dice..youlll have him eatting from your table
2007-03-13 03:34:19 · answer #6 · answered by Brenda A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he didn't care for you to not want you to join him in singapore i know that was a shock when you got to singapore and he told you he wasn't sure of his feelings for you id move on with your life put him out your mind l would divorce him and date awhile till you find some one who will love you
2007-03-16 23:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that try to talk with each other and make him open his heart to you to see what is going on his mind and maybe you have done something that made him change his behaviour towards you. Try also to travel to somewhere away to relax and recharge your feelings towards each other again. Wishing you good luck and hope my advice helps you .
2007-03-13 03:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by dasiymiller1380evelina1380pinkys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce the man and move forward , he's got a taste of oriental girl.
2007-03-13 03:35:07 · answer #9 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has to dislike the girls attention too and he doesnt, he feels younger and attractive because of the way they act, tell him you are his wife and he has to make a place for you to live with him or he will have to get a divorce and support you for the rest of your life.
2007-03-13 03:31:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋