My husband and I have been married for 5 months now. He's in Iraq, and we've been a long distance relationship since the very beginning. It's not easy, but we do pretty well with working with what we have together.
We have great communication, but I've caught him on some little white lies that have been eating me up. He lies or hides things to avoid a conflict, but he doesn't realize that it makes things worse.
It's just silly little stuff, but I'm worried that it might get more serious, or that if anything serious ever happens he would not be honest with me. How can I improve our communication, save our marriage, and learn to trust him again? Am I being too critical?
2007-03-12 20:22:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He just doesn't get that you "Have to" have honesty. Do you ever overreact to things? He may just be trying to keep the peace, when you have so little time together. Don't get me wrong, a lie is a lie is a lie. It's wrong, but forgivable. It sounds like he's just trying to spare your feelings. When he comes home, you and he will just have to sit down and have a very long and serious talk. Of course don't do it the first couple of weeks he's home, wait a while. Don't go into the conversation with accusations, a chip on your shoulder, or with any kind of attitude. Just make it very clear that you have a problem with his credibility, and that's not how you want to live. Of course, again, (sorry) word it way nicer, but do let him know you are very serious about this. He should be made to understand that you regard honesty and a sign of respect towards you, and you have to have that. Good luck.
2007-03-20 13:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him a break. Some people do the "little white lie" thing because its just easier than getting into an argument. Especially if what he is lying about in the first place is not a big deal but will get blown out of proportion. Its hard to say since we don't know exactly what the lies are about but try to look at the situation from his point of view and see if it changes anything
2007-03-19 15:08:22 · answer #2 · answered by jon jon's girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that this man needs your support right now. He has more than enough of a conflict going on where he is. There should be no talk of a conflict with you. His brain will go into overload and explode otherwise.Seriously, He is just dealing with so much already that he does not need any conflict with you. If he gets too comfortable averting your arrows with lies, you will have a hard time weaning him off them. Right now, it's all about him.
You need to emphasize the positive in your interactions with him. You need to give him what he needs now, a listening ear and understanding. This is hard for you but super-hard for him. We are so desensitized to this war and what our men and women over there are going through. We have seen so many images played out on our screens that we seem not to understand that these are lives one Person at a time.
Right now, support your husband like your life depends on it. It does. Please.
2007-03-18 21:30:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tip Top 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Little lies turn into big lies. No matter where he is and what he is doing, there's still no substitute for the truth. Tell him how you feel and let him know any lie, big or small hurt the relationship and that you are a woman and can handle anything except a lie.
2007-03-19 05:29:18 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is in Iraq! Stop worrying about little white lies and pray that he comes home to you alive. When he gets back things will be tense and both of you will learn to readjust to "regular" life. Have faith in him and know that he is doing the best he can.
2007-03-20 13:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by bells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is your husband in the military? if so just realize he is in a very tense environment right now. he may be trying to alleviate some of your concerns with a few " little white lies". you might take it as a compliment that he is trying to protect you emotionally. i wish you both the very best of luck and i hope with all my heart that your husband comes home safe and soon.
2007-03-13 03:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lies are lies, without color or size (little). So, you should talk to him about open, honest communications now if you ever intend to keep a good marriage as time progresses.
2007-03-13 03:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he lies about "silly little stuff" and that sounds like he wouldnt even think he was lying; just elaborating on a story, right? Some guys seem to need to bolster their self esteem, by telling little fibs, which, of course, we see as lies. Ask him why he does it?
2007-03-13 03:31:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you ought to give hubby a break right now. After all he is the one in a war situation right now and has other things on his mind like............ HOW TO STAY ALIVE. Put yourself in his shoes just for one day - how would you cope?
2007-03-18 16:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest now and confuted him on them,be fore those little lyes grow, and grow to big one that are marriage killers,
2007-03-13 03:47:25 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋