Should I be upset if my wife is emailing/texting another married guy?

Question

Me and my wife have been through some tough times (military, go figure). Short end of the story, we were close to divorce now trying to work it out. When I was away at a school, she was chatting with this guy online. She insists it is not sex chat but just someone to chat with. I think I believe her. But recently they had planned to meet for lunch, but the weather stopped it. Now they SMS with cell and email. My wife tells me sometimes when he emails but has not said a thing about the texting.

So what should I do? Should I be a man and call him, tell him to buzz off or be a husband and trust my wife?

Me and my wife have been through some tough times (military, go figure). Short end of the story, we were close to divorce now trying to work it out. When I was away at a school, she was chatting with this guy online. She insists it is not sex chat but just someone to chat with. I think I believe her. But recently they had planned to meet for lunch, but the weather stopped it. Now they SMS with cell and email. My wife tells me sometimes when he emails but has not said a thing about the texting.

So what should I do? Should I be a man and call him, tell him to buzz off or be a husband and trust my wife?

Gee, only 20 mins or so and this thing works fast. Thanks for all the good replies and some of the less thought out ones too.

Just to add so some of the reponses, I did know about the meeting for lunch. I was going to go but she was unsure of it. Also, I am the one really working on the relationship and fighting harder every day. I know, sounds odd from a guy.

Answer 1

It is really unlikely that something, if anything at all, is going on between them. However, it is not nice of her to exclude you like this from their social interactions. If there are plans to meet for lunch, then why not inviting you too; you're her husband after all. That would be only the right thing to do. If she sees that her keeping contact with him makes you upset, then she should be more considering of your feelings.

By the way, MANY women only pretend that they "talk to someone" else. They think making their men jealous will made them to be more loved and save the relationship.
More than likely, that internet guy doesn't even exist. :)

Answer 2

Tell her she needs to stop having contact with him for the sake of your marriage. You said you already were having problems, so any little thing like this (assuming she isn't lying) can make things harder. Right now isnt the time to be acting suspicious as you are trying to work things out and things might still be a little rocky. If she really want to make things better she needs to concentrate on you and your relationship (same goes for you too though, make her feel special too). If she still doesn't cease talking/emailing/texting him, then I think you know the next step.

Edit: Someone above mentioned that if the lunch is just a "friend" thing, that you should be able to come along. Why don't you suggest that the other guy brings his wife too.

Answer 3

As a wife (who has had the same situation). I had a guy friend whom I thought was just a friend. Guys never want to be "just friends". There is always a differant motive. Now I am not saying that your wife isnt being honest with you. But it is a bad situation. How would she feel if you were speaking to another female like that?
It isn't right and I would confront her about it. It's not really the guys fault. Because she gave him her cell number and obviously he thinks that he can contact her. I would be leery. And come on your a guy.....have you ever had a female friend that you contacted constantly and not been thinking..."hmmm I wonder what she is like in bed". LOL. I hope it works out.If not there are plenty more fish in the sea.Blessings.

Answer 4

Eric,.....yes you should be UPSET Buddy!

She is cheating and it's just the beginning. One does not have to bed down with someone to be cheating, and as a fellow Veteran, I will tell you that by her having an online affair or otherwise is ALIENATION of AFFECTION> In other words; she is not confining her heart and feelings solely to you as her Husband, but doing so with another or others.

Be a MAN and tell the other man to Buzz off, yet still be a Husband. Your trust of you wife is a whole different matter, but, she is just as guilty. It takes 2 to Tango. I'd be inclined to do more than tell the other guy to Buzz-Off! I'd be willing to take it to a no witness dark area and kick the living crap outta him and show that you mean business.

However; once you (hopefully) scare off the other man, whom afterall has NO RESPECT or Value of your marriage at all and will never have,.....you need to get your marriage on track and embolden yourself to be a good Husband and find out what issues you wife has with you.

Try to work them out.Get her to re-commit to you and you both commit to each other to get things on track.

Show your wife how much she means to you by standing up and staking you claim as her Husband. Also; put her on notice that she had better stay devoted and focus on your marriage. If she is going to put herself and your marriage in compromising positions,........I'd tell her a possible separation or worse may be on the Horizon.

I hope there is not children involved here. That only will make matters worse. Either way, she needs to get with the program and stop putting herself in situations that degrades the marriage.

Answer 5

A man and a woman can be just a plain friend also, why on earth people always think that man and woman can have sex relation and nothing more?
If you are suspection your wife, then ask some spy man to follow her to place where she is going to have lunch with online friend and see what happen. You will by then figure out what you can do.

Answer 6

dear eric
wait for the right time.
talk it out with your wife.
tell her about your feelings for her and your willingness to make the marriage work.
tell her about your trust in her and the confidence you want to have in her.
and then ask her if she is merely friends with the guy?
also tell her very gently to be honest about her feelings for him . whether she is attracted to him or is he just some one from work.
emphesize that her being honest is best for both of you and your relationship.
if she is a matured womanand values you n ur relationship this would be enough.
well if she is not and she is lying to you you will probably find out soon enough. and in that case divorce will be the only solution.
but till then take her word n trust her. that will put you in the right spot in the future developments and if she wrongs you she will be the one with the entire blame on her concious.
your concious will be clear and trust me it is the biggest thing in the world in times of adversity.
it would be the best for you.

Answer 7

I would talk to her and tell her how you feel about what is going on and suggest that you see a marriage counselor. If she refuses, then I would also tell her that the interaction with this other man is a deal breaker in your marriage and if she persist then you will have to make a decision on your future with her. I will be hard but if she loves and respects you she should cut all contact with him. If not then you have a very hard decision to make. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 8

END IT NOW!!!!!
Call him and tell him it's over NOW, but in front of your wife!
Go to her and tell her theres going to be no lunch ever, and no texting ever again with this person and tell her if she does again it's over for good!
Your marriage wont survive and nothing but bad will come about!
You have every right to be informed as does she about what you want in marriage, and tell her you don't want this ever.
Hell I'm Half Drunk and spinning here so what do I know.

Answer 9

Give an option to her. Who does she choose, you or the guy. If she chooses you, she have to stop chatting, emailing or meeting the guy. As a good wife, she has to introduce you to her chatting friend.

Answer 10

If you want it to work with her you have to trust her , if there is no trust the relationship will fail . Talk to your wife and let her know how you feel about her talking to this guy , and let her know if she wants to have "lunch" with him and they are only friends , you would like to come along too , if they are just friends it shouldn't be a problem with you coming along.