Teen Parents and Grandparents?

Question

I am the parent of a teen parent. My daughter had a child at 15 and the boy is 16. The father has never seen or made an attempt to see the baby. We are filing for guardianship so that our insurance will cover the child. The paternal grandmother is petitioning for visitation. Before court we had no problem letting her come and see the baby. We asked that her son stop harrassing our daughter with calls and such and let her know that if he was interested in seeing the child he would need to call my husband... It has been 3 months and not atttemps have been made. As the maternal grandparents we are fed up with this family. They have lied to me, my husband, my daughter and continue to work against us... Telling our daughter they will let her move in over there and they can just flee to Mexico.. We are sick and tired of it and would love it if the other family would go away... In thinking about the baby... I feel that it is important to know both sides of the family... Help!!

Answer 1

Well unfortunately in this case, it doesn't seem that having the paternal side involved is in the best interest of the baby. So much dysfunction will not be a good influence. If the paternal grandmother gets visitation rights, then maybe you can advocate for some boundaries to be set. Since she has already talked of 'fleeing to Mexico,' I wouldn't want her to have unsupervised visits.

Answer 2

Your guiding interest is the child and you feel it's important to know both sides of the family: well, then let the paternal grandmother see the baby. She may be the only person who actually gets to see the baby and she can have a positive influence on her grandson. He may be a real jerk right now but he is 16 or was 16 not so long ago. He will get older and he will have been influenced by this grandmother in a positive way if you let her have visitation and a chance to be charmed by her adorable grandchild. I'm thinking that paternal grandmother means grandmother to the baby, not the father.
(Note: I have a 16 yr-old son and I haven't even trusted him with a house key yet...)
The boy has some problem with your daughter and you have to handle that with the thought in mind that time will pass and he will be distracted by other things and move on. Your daughter will have a similar situation - she will get older and move on. So relax about it and know that time passing will help the situation if you let it.
You say they lie and work against you so try to see if the visitations can at least be supervised. They may be whackos who think the baby is their blood and it's not really kidnpapping if they take the child. Anyone who thinks fleeing to Mexico is a solution is not thinking clearlyl (unless they are Mexican; in which case, make absolutely sure that visitation is supervised because fleeing to Mexico would not be a real stretch for them.)
I'm sorry this has been such a nightmare. At least you have a little grandchild and you are thinking of him first. It's fact that you will have that child in your life but they want to see him too. They just don't seem to be the people you would trust with the responsibility. I'm pretty sure a court would see that.
By making the boy go through your husband to see the child, you make it that much harder for him. He doesn't have to see or be in touch with your daughter to see his own child, does he? Perhaps he could have supervised visitation, too; maybe he will follow his mother's lead and petition the court for that. His mother can be a positve influence in this situation, despite the nutball reputation the family has. I'd give it a legal reasonable chance, I'd be cautious, I'd protect my daughter and hope for the best. The mother, father and baby all have a lot of growing up ahead of them. Good luck! In 15 years, both youngsters may be married with intact families and the father of your grandchild may be a real presence, sharing school vacations and paying child support. Isn't that what you would really like, seeing that far into the future?

Answer 3

A baby should grow up knowing both sides of a family, but if and when you have concerns about the paternal side taking off for places unknown if they get the baby into their possession is a worrying factor. Maybe you could get some kind of order that states that they can have visiting rights, but only with two of you present at all times. I know it's hard to put up with people like that, but maybe you could make it once a week on the weekend and have a barbecue/picnic situation. Make it one weekend at their place, and the next weekend at your place, and every now and then go to a park or a beach for the day, all together. This would help you all to get to know each other better and maybe one day to trust each other a little more.

Answer 4

My sons father was in/out of prison for the first 5 yrs of his life. His parents wanted no part in my childs life. I insisted on dropping my son off @ the grandparents every chance I could. I always speak well to my son about his father. I send his father and his parents pictures of my son of every sport, school and holiday. I thank my mother a million times for never getting involved with my situation. I really don't think you want the best for this child. There are many things you can do. HELLO you live in the U.S.A!
If the father doesn't want to be there, then force him. If he is "harrassing" your daughter, make a police report. 1) establish paternity 2) arrange for SUPERVISED visitation 3) Place the father on child support. My sons father thanks me everytime for giving him the oppurtunity to establish a relationship with his son. And my son loves his grandparents.


Right now, they are paying the ultimate price. They wish they didn't miss all his birthdays, school performances, holidays etc. But you can never change time. Time will change you!
By the way, No I am not with my sons father. We have an understanding that we need to get along for our sons sake!

Answer 5

Okay honestly, I'm not a mother, I am too young to be a mother right now. But I recently had a friend, whose younger than me that just had a baby, the father did not want anything to do with the baby, but his family did. Excuse the language but his family is sort of a pain in the ***, and my friend's mother didn't want anything to do with them. But this isn't about you, it isn't about your daughter, or the s.o.b whose the baby's father, this is about the baby. I would recommend for your daughter to gain full custody of the baby, and give the father and his family visitation rights, so that they can be a part of the baby's life if they choose to be, without working legally against you, full custody would work as protection for the baby, while giving the the others visitation rights, will give the baby a chance to meet his father and his family. Don't worry everything will be fine.

Answer 6

The paternal grandparents have every right to see that baby-it's their grandchild too. As for the father, if he keeps calling and harassing you, call the police or have his number blocked. The only reason he should be calling is if he has an interest in seeing his baby. The paternal grandparents are probably filing for visitation because they don't want to go over to your house every time just to see their grandchild. If it makes you uncomfortable thinking of the baby in someone else's house just go there with the baby.

Answer 7

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
find the family law for your state, and carefully read it, in terms of when grandparents can petition for visitation.
Walk away from emotional, and get to the legal - there ARE NO GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS. Google Troxel vs Granville. Many states caved in to lobbying for such laws, only to have the US supreme court rule them to be unconstitutional.
PARENTS have rights to their children, and those can be limited by the fact that the father is 16, and the parents are not married. IN fact, your daughter is still a minor, not married and you have legal authority to ask for a restraining order against them.
Wanting them to know the baby is wonderful, MAYBE. Some families are not what you want.
You desperately need a custodial order.

Answer 8

Thinking about the baby? Or about yourselves? You sound pretty messed up. And a teen mom? Who's raising the baby? Not her! YOU! She's a minor child playing dollies! She should give the baby up for adoption and finish high school, go to college, get married and THEN become a parent. And then you can be a REAL grandma, not a surrogate mommy. This sort of situation disgusts me!

Answer 9

I hate to say it but I would legally do what you can to get them out of the babies life. I wasn't a teenager when I had my son, but hes 8 now, and my ex and his family do nothing constructive for him. They also work against me when they actually make an effort to come around. My advise is document everything. If he tries to harass you, call the police. If the grandmother does call the police. Leave a paper trail. Even if you don't think them being out of the picture is best, Still do it. You may change your mind later. If you don't, you will have no proof of these things. Good luck. I hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 10

It is important. It was a poor choice of your daughter's to be with this boy at such a young age. She really needed you then and now you are trying to run the show. It's a very difficult situation for all involved. Please be sure that every decision you make reflects your sincere best interest for the child (your daughter's hurt feelings are important to you as parents but are not relevant to what is best for the baby).