what could i do......
to make you love me?
dress like a $lut
starve myself
or just change who i am
completely.
why do you want me to change
who i am?
why would you like me then
but not now?
two be who you want me to be
is not the real me?
how perfect is perfect
cause perfect is never perfect
enough for you
what can i change to make it better? (i just wrote it for an assignment and i dont know if its good enough, we have to read it out loud so yea.)
2007-03-12 19:02:28 · 22 answers · asked by arikashikari 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
change the whole poem and call it
take it or leave it
what I won't do to make you love me
dress like a $lut
no, sorry I don't think so
starve myself
get real I'm looking for a big mac
Who are you
that I should change myself completely
You change for me
go get ripped
and walk around topless
then maybe ill give you the time of day
no ones perfect
not you not me
Take it or leave it
This was just off the top of my head. Try to make it catchy, funny but still get your point across. but just don't write it about changing for some dude.
2007-03-12 19:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by Wanna K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need a question mark after completely in the first stanza and somewhere in the last stanza...to stay parallel with everything else.
The stanza before last, probably is not a question. I would use an exclamation point.
You might want commas in the short lines of the first stanza.
Two is not correct. It would be "to".
Content is great. I think you are right on there, sista. Don't go changing for those boys.
Let's see. Title...
I like the first line as a title...."What Could I Do?"
or..."Which Me is For You?"
2007-03-13 02:16:19 · answer #2 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whining Desperation
2007-03-13 02:40:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok.. well the bit were it says..
" two be who you want me to be
is not the real me"
the first word two shouldnt be two it should be to. =] and yea its pretty good
plus i agree with the 'perfect imperfection' one and 'why' i have no suggestions from myself hah. im really uncreative =]
but yea keep up te good work xx
2007-03-13 02:06:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it should be ''why'' for the title
2007-03-13 02:06:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
TOO be who you want me to be.............you sound sad trying too hard for one persons attention..life is short-and there are alot of good people out there-don't waste your time wanting to be with someone that doesn't feel the same way.
2007-03-13 02:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by spoon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself the question you just asked a bunch of strangers, but if I were to name it I would name it
"Perfect imperfection"
2007-03-13 02:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by sunscour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not enough
and you need to change the "two" to "to" in the 4th stanza.
Btw, I like your poem very much.
2007-03-13 02:07:48 · answer #8 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Inner me??
sounds like you xpresing ones thoughts.
2007-03-13 02:06:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it time i flew to look for a man who, not as perfect as you,,
but i might find love,you useless dude
2007-03-13 02:09:30 · answer #10 · answered by fatdadslim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋