I know this may be long but please help me ..i am begging for some advice here. I am not looking to have people say "oh you're not a bad person" unless they truly mean it. I seriously do have a heart of gold so why did i mess up?! I mean i feel like a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE friend!
2007-03-12
18:47:26
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9 answers
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asked by
Heather B
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Here's the story: Me and this girl used to be good friends in middle school then we got in arguements all the time like bad ones and didn't talk for like 3-4 years. Now, it's like we are better friends than even before. We can talk about how people changed for the worse and we didn't. When she came to the door for the first time in all those years, i noticed she gained weight. My step dad was home who also has a heart of gold and would never say anything but i went around a different part of the house with her instead of walking through next to him. I know he wouldn't say anything ..he is nice to her. but ..people have thoughts and i was probably scared of what he would think of her. Even if i told her, it wouldn't take it off my chest .it would make it worse maybe because it would break my heart if i hurt her in any way! and it is bad enough it hurts her when people say stuff about her weight. What do i do? How do i control the guilt if you think i am over reacting.
2007-03-12
18:47:32 ·
update #1
It is so weird how i am a nice person and did this. I did it before by wondering what people would think but this time i took her around a different part of the house and that is what kills me. I feel selfish. I feel like a backstabber for telling you guys and other advice sites and not her and also keeping it from her. Thanks for taking the time to read no matter what your advice is. Just please don't think i am a horrible person. I'm not. I know what it is like to get picked on. I think most people do. Thanks again I know this isn't OCD but obsessing and overthinking is the anxiety that is getting to me like some examples "what would she do if i told her" "am i a backstabber for not telling her?" or "I don't deserve to be friends with her"
2007-03-12
18:47:41 ·
update #2
ur not that good of a person if ur obsessing over her weight. who cares if she gained weight? people change.
2007-03-12 18:52:16
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Are you ashamed of her? And no, you aren't horrible or anything like that. But try to remember its what's inside that counts and don't judge your friend on her outward appearance as others do. Maybe, you can encourage her to walk, dance and get exercise with you. By eating healthy snacks and drinks around her and offering those to her she may decide to try eating healthy herself. Do you have beauty magazines like Seventeen that have diet tips for girls? If you do show her a different article other than about weight and tell her she can take it home to read it. She will probably read the article(s) on loosing weight, also. I wouldn't mention her weight if I were you. She may bring it up sometime, though. If she does then be prepared to talk to her about it. Encourage her and if she loses just a pound or two tell her you are proud of her and know she will continue to lose more. And I believe that you do have a heart of gold and you'll be there for your friend. Lots of luck to both of you.
2007-03-13 02:01:34
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answer #2
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answered by Im Listening 5
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first of all don't worry too much, relax and take it esay. after when u took her around the house so that ur dad can't really see her...does she said anything about that? what was her reaction when u took her around the house instead the usuall way? if she doesn't care or worry too much about how she looks right now...then no need to worry. After all if u know that ur dad won't say anything about how her weight then y did u take her the long way? then you won't have to feel bad of urself. anways if u think that she felt strange or doesn't like what u did there then tell her. tell her what u said here. if she understand then great! if not then she's not such a great friend afterall.
wish u the best luck with that!
2007-03-13 02:05:14
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answer #3
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answered by ceec 4
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shes your friend for a reason..and that reason has nothing to do with her looks. dont feel bad about it, seriously. im sure she has her opinion of you after all these years. dont say anything to her about it, unless she asks for advice on weight loss, or something to that effect. i know ive gained weight since high school (which has been about 3 years) and think what you want because im gonna think what i want about you, u know what i mean? seriously though, dont let it bother you. if u want to, let your parents know that shes gained weight so they know ahead of time, but if it makes u feel better, tell them that shes an awesome person..even more so than when u guys were friends b4.
2007-03-13 01:57:01
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answer #4
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answered by annie 6
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SOunds like you are more worried about what other people think about her. Sit your dad down and talk to him about your concerns. I am sure you dad will understand and be supportive in your friendship with her.
Don't bring it up unless it is brought up. If it is, be supportive
and empathetic, sometimes the weight is an emotional weight they carry. Be a friend and help them through it, they will love you for it.
2007-03-13 01:53:09
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answer #5
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answered by tito_swave 4
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some years back i put on a little weight...then I ran into an old neighbor I hadn't seen in a long time...we chatted like old friends...then when it came time to leave, just as I rounded the corner...I heard her say to another person with her....boy, she gained weight since I last saw her....(behind my back) I was hurt...so, the moral of the story is this...if you're gonna talk about it behind her back....don't
2007-03-13 02:02:05
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answer #6
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answered by EvelynMine 7
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think what would she do to you, if you where in her shoes. of course there's always that saying, friends never keep anything from their friends. and friends must be okay with the truth that the friends tell them...honesty is key to a great friendship, as well as understanding.
2007-03-13 01:55:55
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answer #7
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answered by cekret77 2
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why do you feel guilty for not telling her? i think you might ruin the relationship or make it awkward if you told her. no one wants to hear they are putting on weight. you are her friend. you should support her.
2007-03-13 01:52:27
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answer #8
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answered by l3afymoon 3
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If you think its wrong then its wrong. tell her your feelings. she might not get mad if you apologize profusley. i have girl problems like this. im in middle school so do what you want.
2007-03-13 01:55:34
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answer #9
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answered by Urahara 1
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