I know this may be long but please help me ..i am begging for some advice here. I am not looking to have people say "oh you're not a bad person" unless they truly mean it. I seriously do have a heart of gold so why did i mess up?! I mean i feel like a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE friend!
2007-03-12 18:20:17 · 6 answers · asked by Heather B 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Here's the story: Me and this girl used to be good friends in middle school then we got in arguements all the time like bad ones and didn't talk for like 3-4 years. Now, it's like we are better friends than even before. We can talk about how people changed for the worse and we didn't. When she came to the door for the first time in all those years, i noticed she gained weight. My step dad was home who also has a heart of gold and would never say anything but i went around a different part of the house with her instead of walking through next to him. I know he wouldn't say anything ..he is nice to her. but ..people have thoughts and i was probably scared of what he would think of her. Even if i told her, it wouldn't take it off my chest .it would make it worse maybe because it would break my heart if i hurt her in any way! and it is bad enough it hurts her when people say stuff about her weight. What do i do? How do i control the guilt if you think i am over reacting.
2007-03-12 18:20:24 · update #1
It is so weird how i am a nice person and did this. I did it before by wondering what people would think but this time i took her around a different part of the house and that is what kills me. I feel selfish. I feel like a backstabber for telling you guys and other advice sites and not her and also keeping it from her. Thanks for taking the time to read no matter what your advice is. Just please don't think i am a horrible person. I'm not. I know what it is like to get picked on. I think most people do. Thanks again I know this isn't OCD but obsessing and overthinking is the anxiety that is getting to me like some examples "what would she do if i told her" "am i a backstabber for not telling her?" or "I don't deserve to be friends with her"
2007-03-12 18:20:38 · update #2
Heather, don't be ashamed of your friend. That is the only thing you need to do. There's nothing wrong with being stout. If other people pick on her, then defend her. She's your friend.
2007-03-12 18:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by Dowland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are blowing a nothing all out of proportion! Nobody really cares how you went to another part of the house. If you think she has gained a lot o weight and needs to lose some tell her in a nice way. Something like "You seem to have picked up a few pounds in the last few years. Are you working on losing them?" That tells her it is noticeable and she should try to lose them without confronting her about them. It is not horrible to be honest in a
non demeaning way.
2007-03-13 01:30:09 · answer #2 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off... if you are a true friend you will accept her for who she is. Yeah, I am pretty sure she is aware she has gained weight and I am even more sure the last thing she wants in a friend is someone who points this out to her. She is who she is, your obsession in is your lack of ability to accept her for who she is, flaws and all. Look a little deeper, we all have them. Some are just a little more obvious than others. Let it go and be a friend.
2007-03-13 02:14:24 · answer #3 · answered by jaided_icemaiden 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur human and at least you feel bad , don't tell her
just next time walk her threw the house .
2007-03-13 01:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by chrry_wales 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey what you have to know is you cannot control your thoughts ,,,they just come...good or bad they come and you can,t beat yourself up for thoughts...however you can turn to good thoughts...like repent...and all is Ok
2007-03-13 01:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by Olive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not bad if your intentions were for her not to get hurt.
2007-03-13 01:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Hero in the city of dope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋