I know this may be long but please help me ..i am begging for some advice here. I am not looking to have people say "oh you're not a bad person" unless they truly mean it. I seriously do have a heart of gold so why did i mess up?! I mean i feel like a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE friend!
2007-03-12 18:04:46 · 2 answers · asked by Heather B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Here's the story: Me and this girl used to be good friends in middle school then we got in arguements all the time like bad ones and didn't talk for like 3-4 years. Now, it's like we are better friends than even before. We can talk about how people changed for the worse and we didn't. When she came to the door for the first time in all those years, i noticed she gained weight. My step dad was home who also has a heart of gold and would never say anything but i went around a different part of the house with her instead of walking through next to him. I know he wouldn't say anything ..he is nice to her. but ..people have thoughts and i was probably scared of what he would think of her. Even if i told her, it wouldn't take it off my chest .it would make it worse maybe because it would break my heart if i hurt her in any way! and it is bad enough it hurts her when people say stuff about her weight. What do i do? How do i control the guilt if you think i am over reacting.
2007-03-12 18:05:02 · update #1
It is so weird how i am a nice person and did this. I did it before by wondering what people would think but this time i took her around a different part of the house and that is what kills me. I feel selfish. I feel like a backstabber for telling you guys and other advice sites and not her and also keeping it from her. Thanks for taking the time to read no matter what your advice is. Just please don't think i am a horrible person. I'm not. I know what it is like to get picked on. I think most people do. Thanks again I know this isn't OCD but obsessing and overthinking is the anxiety that is getting to me like some examples "what would she do if i told her" "am i a backstabber for not telling her?" or "I don't deserve to be friends with her"
2007-03-12 18:05:14 · update #2
follow your heart (and/or spleen)
2007-03-12 18:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Atlas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be worrying more than you need to. I'm not sure if I understand your story completely, but what I got from it is that your friend is overweight, you noticed, and you're somewhat ashamed and feel guilty. (Or you took her around another place because you were protective of her and you didn't want anyone to think badly of her.)
I don't think you need to tell her anything, although I'm not sure what it is you want to tell her. If you don't care that she's overweight, that's all that matters. That way, at least she has one person who doesn't care about her appearance.
This really isn't that bad. At least you're not like a lot of other people who don't even think twice about their mean thoughts. I think all you can do is just accept her. You don't need to worry about anything else--no one else's thoughts, how she'll feel about other's thoughts. There's not much else you can do but show her YOUR acceptance. You've done your part by doing just that. Just ease your mind.
Also, I wouldn't say this is backstabbing. You're just asking for advice because you feel guilty about something. It would be backstabbing if you were trash-talking her calling her all these names and just making her look bad, but you're not.
Feel free to message me if you want more help.
2007-03-13 02:37:21 · answer #2 · answered by blank 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋