After 15yrs marriage , 2 boys 14yrs, 2yrs old , 2 houses and my age of mid 40s. I thinking that my wife really wants out..after her affair 7yrs ago..
2007-03-12 17:50:15 · 16 answers · asked by Charles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you asked her if she wants out? Or is it your hope that she wants out?
2007-03-12 17:54:42 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is worse than not knowing.You need to ask her if that is what she wants and that you are not feeling that good about the current circumstances. You need to get in touch with your own feelings- you got to think about you. Obvious there is a communication problem between you and your wife. Some men are not good at communicating and some women feel that they need the husband to listen to them etc. Affairs never make the situation better.
My philosophy is that a person does not have to stay if they do not want to just like I have the same choice. All this craziness of please stay-I love you. Love yourself man! Be your biggest fan.
Say this"Hey, sweety, I could be wrong,but I am getting vibes that you may want out and if that is what you want lets do this in the best interest of us the family". "Let's decide on how the kids are going to spend their time in the best interest of them and then we can decide how the property and everything else can be split""Believe it or not sweetie-I want to be happy as much as you do!"
I be this puts things oin perspective does it not. Check out the poem:
"Now That’s Love"
I know what love is like:
Truly loving someone is giving them the freedom to love you or not
Truly loving yourself is choosing to be someone who uses that freedom to love you
Yea, now that’s love
June 19, 2006 by Arene
copyrighted
Only once without your consent can a person treat you the way you do not want to be treated :thereafter, they have your full consent.
You may want to seek counseling as this is a difficult time for you and your family-good luck and God bless you guys.
2007-03-13 01:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Arene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've said time and again. From what I have seen(and I've seen a lot) when a person cheats they seem to be capable of repeating it again or wanting to. She had something lacking in your relationship long ago that she still lacks now. It could be that she never truly loved you, she may have deep seated emotional problems from growing up, she could have had bad role models as parents, or it could be that she just doesn't know what love is and confused it with the feeling of lust when you met. At any rate she apparently isn't happy and you can't force her to be that way. I'm sorry you that it took this long for her to figure it out. It happened in my first marriage too at 14 1/2 years. When they want to go you need to let them go and move on. I was lucky in finding the women of my dreams after my divorce and we lived a fairytale marriage until I lost her to cancer. It was still the best 16 years of my life. Keep looking for that special someone, she is out there! Good Luck my friend!
2007-03-13 01:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is only something that you can sort out with your wife, but make sure that you think of the children before either of you makes a decision espescially the 2 year old. be honest tell her how you feel and the affair well that was 7 years ago i'm sure if she didn't want to be with you she wouldv'e left by now unless she is just there for the money.
2007-03-13 00:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...what took you so long...not to mention had a kid in between...If you feel and know that the affair was a mistake and its long been over...I'd urge you to make this work...all you will do is find someone else who can give no gaurantee they wouldn't do the same thing and for you to have kids so young...they really need mom and dad under the same roof...if she has continued to be scandalist then you will never be happy and the children are probably better off with such an atmosphere with both you living happier lives apart...you make the decision...good luck.
2007-03-13 01:09:19 · answer #5 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want her to leave you? Do you want your kids to have a new male figure in their life, a stepfather? Really think about it, and think about what areas of your marriage are poor. Maybe get the kids looked after and take her for a romantic moonlit picnic, or a bubblebath with rosepetals and candles and wine and music, flowers, chocolates, talk to her listen to her, be creative, not just to win her back but BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND YOU CARE FOR HER. Maybe she has gotten stuck in a rut and has forgotten WHO she fell in love with all those years ago and why. Think about the day you exchaged your wedding vows and take yourself back to that feeling of marrying the love of your life. Don't sit by and let it happen. DO SOMETHING. Good luck mate I hope you can rekindle the flame.
2007-03-13 01:21:00 · answer #6 · answered by melissah c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is, do you want out after all of this and do you want someone who doesnt love you? A one sided relationship is the worst thing you do. You both have to love each other or there is nothing else. There is lots of fish in the sea, look for someonw who really loves you and wants the same goals as you do..take care Heather
2007-03-13 00:55:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you got to be realistic and ask yourself is it worth to let go after all these years? What will the children think? Perhaps you can ask the children how they feel as they are quite big to understand things and maybe from there, have a good talk with the wife and see what she says.
2007-03-13 00:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then let her go. You had a good relationship while it lasted but you can't make someone stay in a marriage that both don't want - house, kids or year.
If the two of you are willing, try marriage counseling first. She may want to stay but doesn't know how. If she really wants to leave...it happens and we all live.
2007-03-13 00:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying together for the kids is BS. It will only damage then more. Besides, you think your wife wants out? YOU should have left a long time ago, seven years ago when she had the affair.
2007-03-13 00:56:19 · answer #10 · answered by Marius , II 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thinking, don't play mind reader, ask the women straight out.
Why the affair? Or is it because you aren't happy. Don't stay because of your kids. How miserable do you think they are? Kids can feel, even if you try to keep things quiet.
2007-03-13 01:00:52 · answer #11 · answered by MRSC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋