My boyfriend is realy good with my 4 /yo nephew. He plays with him and they have a great time and my nephew loves him. When he sees me he's like, where is ******? but lately I've been having thses dreams that my boyfriend is molesting him. It scares me and its gotten to the point that I won't leave them alone together. Now I know sex dreams are rarely about sex but can someone plz help me out. I'm scared out of my mind and its tripping me out.
2007-03-12 17:39:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You can do the Freudian analysis and go after what it is supposed to mean, or you can use the Jungian approach and get some help figuring it out yourself. I like the second approach, so that's what I'll suggest.
1. Make a list of things that are going on in your personal, professional (or school), and love life. Make sure to note things that are good, bad, and things that have been hanging around for a long time.
2. Note any things that have come about, or come up often in the days leading up to, and on the days of your dreams.
3. Put those lists aside for now.
4. Make two new lists. List one is what molestation by your b/f means to you. List all the things that come to mind, no matter how silly.
5. Second list: what molestation means to society. Popular beliefs around molestation.
6. Finally, one more special list. Write down how your dream made you feel emotionally. Write down how your boyfriend molesting make you feel emotionally. Write down how losing things makes you feel emotionally. Pen down all the emotions that you experienced during (and after waking).
7. Now, relax. give it at least a few hours, but better if a whole day. Review your lists together, and circle things that really stand out. Look for emotions, beliefs, fears.
Usually, after a little coaxing, what the dream means to you at this point in your life will come to you. You might have one of those "aha" moments, or sometimes a gradual realization will sink over you. Nevertheless, I believe it's a much more realistic way to find out what your dream means to you personally.
If I had to wing it (looks like I have to!) I'd say your dreams are a reflection of all the attention your nephew is getting from your boyfriend. Perhaps you can't understand why he'd be so fond of him, except if he had some ulterior motive. Or, perhaps your so afraid of losing your boyfriends attentions, that you'd rather believe (at some primitive subconscious level) that he's sexually interested in the boy instead of you.
Sometimes it's the simple things: perhaps your just jealous of the attention he gives him.
Anyway, I hope you find what the dream means to you. Good luck!
2007-03-12 18:03:04 · answer #1 · answered by Chronos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your nephew's four years old, so he can talk. Ask him what's going on, and make sure he knows about molesting. No touching where the bathing suit covers, etc.
I will point out that in most cases, the child's behavior will change significantly if he is being molested. Has he gotten a little less anxious to see your boyfriend? has he been feeling sick lately? has he been crying for no apparent reason? Is he REALLY, REALLY glad to see you if you come back?
Either way, it is still a good idea to never leave a child alone with another adult. But this is your boyfriend, and if you want this relationship to go anywhere, there's going to have to be a little more trust.
You could hire a PI to check into your boyfriend, but it might be cheaper, and easier to get a background check done some other way. For example, if you're good friends with someone at a daycare, they need to perform background checks on everyone they hire, so they could at least tell you how it's done, and they might be able to slip his permission slip in with a batch of prospectives.
All the same, if your nephew doesn't feel that anything's wrong, then there's probably nothing going on. Maybe you're right, maybe you're not, but these freaky dreams are a problem for you either way. if you've assured yourself that there's nothing going on, you might talk with your boyfriend about it. Most likely,that will either end the dreams, or end the relationship, depending on how understanding he is, and how carefully you choose your words.
If I were to put on my psychology student hat for a minute, I would guess that you're developing some sort of jealousy. Probably you have not had a boyfriend get this close to your son before. Probably also, you feel that your son has a stronger relationship with your boyfriend than you do. These dreams are a warning of sorts then, not necessarily that your boyfriend is molesting the boy, but that either that relationship should be less strong, or your relationships should be stronger.
2007-03-13 01:06:01 · answer #2 · answered by ye_river_xiv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an expert. And I usually never answer questions about dreams. However, when I saw the q, before I even clicked on it to read it - I had the nagging feeing it had something to do with child abuse.
My guess is, maybe you're not listening to your intuition about your boyfriend and it's voicing itself and being heard via your dreams - damanding your attention. Or, you may be remembering something from your own past that you saw or experienced and the dream has put it in a format that feels easier for you to deal with.
I would rather be safe than sorry and not leave your boyfriend alone with any kids, just in case (even if that's unfair) - than find out later something was going on and you brushed it off and it continued to happen.
If the dream continues to bother you and doesn't let up, I would discuss it with a therapist and get to the bottom of it.
P.S. That does not qualify as a 'sex' dream. Abuse is always a power issue with the abuser being dominant. Nothing to do with sex. If he's always asking where your nephew is and wants to babysit or tries to spend time alone, even if just a room away - that's a red flag.
2007-03-13 00:57:09 · answer #3 · answered by Cedar_2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be a 50/50 thing. Your boyfriend could be a good chap and that is why your nephew loves him. Maybe he plays well with the kid. It could also be possible that he behaves inappropriately towards your nephew. It is for you to find out. If he is not molesting the kid then these dreams originate from your fears that your boyfriend might be doing something bad to your nephew. Please try to find out! These bad dreams might also mean that you are trying to put away an important issue in your life (that is troubling you) without resolving it! Reassess you situation and confront any issue in your life that is troubling you. Do not shelve it. Good luck.
2007-03-13 01:51:43 · answer #4 · answered by Sedo M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care what anyone says-recurring dreams do mean something-but I am NOT saying it means he is doing something. If there is a situation that you feel that strongly about, maybe it is your subconscious? Do you notice anything strange? It could honestly mean that your boyfriend wants a dog for all I know---I just firmly believe that a recurring dream is telling you something.
2007-03-13 00:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by MNBound 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dreams are what they are [just dreams!!]
though i would be leary of the fact the dream is telling you.
and check it out further.
above all else never be scared!! it is only a dream.
2007-03-13 00:49:11 · answer #6 · answered by david s 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
check out "violent dreams' at
2007-03-13 11:38:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would apply the good ol' rule of thumb: if the problem lasts too long, call a professional.
2007-03-13 00:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by the blue hat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it really is happening, or about to happen, don't let them out of your sight, maybe this is instinct
2007-03-13 00:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe God's trying to warn you or Satan's lying to you.
2007-03-13 00:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by Alayna H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋