what do you think about this poem?

Question

doesn't have a regular rhythm, supposed to be that way
its just a bunch of rhyming lines i through together when i was bored... so yeah dont expect something amazing lol

"Not All Sunsets Are Beautiful"
by me

The orange light that spills onto the ground,
It draws shadows whose ends cannot be found.
I wish you were here to watch this with me:
The sun falling from the sky to the sea.

You said you loved me, but it just wasn't true,
Because what was us is now over and through.
You said you'd be there for me, so where are you now?
Feels like you're as far from me as this earth will allow.

I thought we'd be together until time itself unwound,
Yet one day was enough to turn it all around.
As our once certain future became unset,
The end of us became our only sunset.

Answer 1

its okay, needs a little work, but pretty good like rhyming unset with sunset, is like not that great cause its practically the same word, but for the most part its pretty good (i get rid of the it in the begining of the second line, its a poem you don't need complete sentences everywhere, but that's just me) Great work though, i'm not knocking this in the slightest I just figured i'd give some constructive criticism since it always irks me when people like or hate a poem, but wont say what they like/or didn't like, i mean you cant improve with a bunch of great jobs/you sucks, ya know?

Answer 2

wow....that is really beautiful. Here's one for you...

I read your poem tonight,
it shone like a big bright light
I wish I could write like you
but mine always end up like pooh

I hope i get better with time
maybe better with some lime
but not as good as sugar
and not as tasty as a booger

so bare with me tonight
as I take this little flight
into the poem land of dreams
as it always seems

that's it for me for now
I'll finish this poem somehow
maybe with a good bye
or just a big fat sigh

:)

Answer 3

I really liked it, I felt like it could have gone on a while longer. But very good choice of words, I enjoy poems that dont have such complex and unecessary versions of words. It was good :)

Answer 4

dude... you sure did a nice work here... this poem matches me all the way... great job... 8 of 10 rank... i write poems my self... if you are intersted in other peps works... mail me at [e-mail]... keep up the good work...

Answer 5

I like it. I'm sure lots of people can realte. I hope you feel better soon!

Answer 6

its good, it has meanings and it rhymes

Answer 7

cool!!!!!!!
peace