I was over in Iraq. My wife cheated on me.?

Question

Me and my wife have been togothere for 5 years now. i was over in iraq when she cheated on me. just got out and i was a Seal. we have two kids and treated her like a queen. first time in my life i feel like i am dead on the in side. nothing seems right anymore. she was what kept me going when i was over there. now i am going to another place that needs my help. first time in my life i am scared. what do i do?

Answer 1

I wish I could tell you something that can make you feel better. What she did was a betrayal that no one do deserved especially you. Just be glad that the two of you didn't have any kids or else it will ruin their life as well. not to offend you and all but at least you were away when she betrayed you, mine just happened 3 months ago and I have 3 beautiful kids who's now teen agers.
What can you tell a person that has the same experience that you have??I guess all that I can tell you is I know how it feels, the pain, the betrayal and the agony of it all. It will take you a while to forget this,time will heal it but for now you must stay stronger, and put your head up even though that your the one who's on pain. I know how it is knowing that your trust ,respect and love was taken away from you. At least yours was only 5 years ,but mine is 22 long years after my unconditional love that I have given to this man, just disappear and he never really thought of those years.
Always remember your not the only one that suffers here, I'm one of them and threes a lot people here that have the same problem like you. You are a seal and a seal is one of the bravest military that I know, yes I married a military man as well. Just be strong and let it heal by time, and if you need some ears,I'm here to listen without judging you.........be safe!!

Answer 2

I hate to say it, but what happened to you is all too common... My friend John's wife cheated on him while he was in Iraq too... He is home now, but as far as I know nobody has told him about it. They seem to be happy together but while he was gone she would occasionally cry at party's and the bar our friends go to about how lonely she was. That is certainly no excuse though since they talked on the phone almost daily. The only way I even know about her infidelity is because my friend Danny told me he saw her taking men home into their house after bar and they were kissing each other before they went in...

If I were you I'd hold my head up high, divorce her and never look back. The woman cuckolded you while you were off fighting for your country and that is about the biggest most hurtful insult in the world. Of course it is up to you if you can forgive her for it- it is more a matter of feelings than decisions in most cases. In any case don't have any more children with her because you don't want to be paying some skank who lacks basic human values to raise your children...

Then again I've never been in the military, but one thing I know I'd be tempted to do is tell her she's forgiven, act normally and then start setting up a few sweeties on the side...

Answer 3

So sorry you are going through this. I too was married to a cheater. We had 5 kids when I discovered him with the babysitter.
Ask yourself this: Am I better without her? Chances are your answer is yes. How do you ever trust someone like that again?
Divorce does feel like you are going through a death, and in a way you are. After much time it does get better.
You have 2 very good reasons to be thankful for what you have. Your 2 kids.
One day I hope you will meet your soul mate. For now, do what you have to for your 2 kids and yourself. Take time to reflect what you want in a relationship. When you are ready to start a new relationship remember, that it is best to be best friends with your mate first. If you have a physical attraction after that, that is awesome. For now, give yourself time to recover from the hurt and pain.
Cheaters will always try to blame you for their lack of conscience. Don't let them. It's their flaw, not yours. Be thankful for finding out now instead of 5 more years down the road.
I hope you find happiness with one who deserves your love. Your wife proved she didn't deserve it.
Remember there are good honest women out there,
Hope you will think about all this, heal from your hurt, and move on.

Answer 4

I know how you feel and it isnt easy and I think if she's genuinly sorry then forgive her, but never really trust her. And no this will never go away and you will always be hurt by it, but she should have more respect especialy if you could be killed at any moment and you're treating her like a queen. Maybe you two need some time apart (not being a couple) because if she's curious now then you shouldnt continue to be hurt..Goodluck and I'm sorry!

Answer 5

What you do is live. Move forward and don't look back. In your situation, circumstances were beyond your control. I didn't see anywhere in your explanation that you are divorcing. Are you both trying to work it out?

I know how you feel about the cheating. It does kill you on the inside. You feel betrayed. Angry. You want to know why. Sorry to disappoint you but that feeling NEVER goes away. Fear of the unknown is very scary but you will be fine.

My advice before you either end your marriage or work things out; get closure. Find out why she did it. If he excuse is because you weren't home (in Iraq) that's a cop-out answer. Lots of spouses are in Iraq and lots of spouses are remaining faithful at home what makes your wife's situation different from theirs?

Answer 6

You do know that your not alone and that there have been others who have been cheated on while in the war. I would suggest spending some time alone to sory things through yourself. Its best to spend some time to get over it maybe you could join a support group?

Take a deep breath and Know that your not in the worst situation ever. there are far more worse things that could happen Be thankful that you are still alive and well. I would like to use an old quote of mine

"Life is a journey full of riches but also many obstacles we are often forced to overcome"

This may be the hardest obstacle you may ever have to overcome in your whole life. But its starts with YOU. You need to sort things through. YOU need to rebuild what has been broken. Its takes courage to reconstruct and time... Dont rush it... It is hard to overcome and it is normal to feel nothing like yourself... that is why you need to slowly rebuild what has been lost... Now.

Remember I greatly honor that your serving our country. You to me are not just a soldier but a man of great courage for going there and fighting for what you believe in. God bless... I wish you the best of luck.

Taking a walk relieves stress and makes you feel better I suggest that you take one tommorow. Again I wish you the best of luck. If your strong you can overcome anything when you set your mind to it. Remeber that. You need to overcome do it slowly and truly.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

I am very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Unfortunately you are not the first soldier who i have heard this story from. That being said a marriage is a commitment and obviously your wife is not committed anymore. I can understand why you'd be scared but the truth is if she has done it once chances are she will do it again unless the two of you are willing to work on this marriage together.

All the best.

Answer 8

Find your center NOW!
I was Force Recon and when I found out my wife had the affair, and trust me I know the thoughts that are going through your head right now!!!

It would be so easy!!!
I almost took the guys life, after I found out ,and I think your right there as well!
Get the true information then make a level decision about your life right now, and if your marriage can survive this, act of destruction's of vows!
Get help for yourself as well.

My marriage is working and we got over it but I was in hell for months and had to rebuild my faith in her and I was able to trust her again after I found the faith!

I don't envy you right now but washing in the persons blood wont help you, because she broke your marriage VOWS not the other man!
Being Scared is right for you now, it will keep you balanced out.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

First of all, you deserve better, and as much as I know you're hurting, I really do think you're better off without her. After a time, you will gain back the strength to pull out the knife she stuck in your back and through your heart. You are a brave and honorable man and she is a liability you do not need. Please seek any way you can to delay your next deployment. You've done your part. You won't be able to help anyone unless you take time to get yourself centered. Please take the time. You've earned it. There are women out there that respect honor, courage, and integrity. You will find one when you least expect it. Take care and good luck.

Answer 10

Move on. I know it's hard but it's for the best because you will never forget that feeling that you have if you stay with her. If you do want to make it work cause of your kids and all then you need to sit down with her and talk to her and forgive her. If you don't truly forgive her then you will never forget. But even that will take time. Just focus on your kids and what you think is best for them.