I posted the following message earlier and wanted to post it again to get more opinions....
"I am happily married to a man that I have been with 17 years. I love him. Period. I have never had an affair on him. He is very good to me and I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But, I have this problem. I have this goodlooking man that shows up alot (We live in a small town and me shows up at the grocery, bank and once at my work), and I believe he is making it a point to be around me. I am 36 and he is 30. He is darn goodlooking and he is using his eyes and smile to flirt with me. I can't help but to think about him ....but I don't want to think about him! How do you STOP thinking of someone you don't want to think about but your mind WONT let you!!! I am NOT going to cheat on my husband ....but I'm afriad that this very thing is how affairs start. PLEASE help me. I need someone's help really bad. Tell me how to stop this nonsense!!! "
Thanks for additional help....
2007-03-12 16:37:59 · 25 answers · asked by sugarbud 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whoa...calm down sweetie....believe it or not, this is pretty normal. Every once in awhile someone catches our eye and we've all done the flirting thing from time to time. I, myself, have this thing for our ups man. He's a bit younger than me, but those piercing blue eyes of his and the way he smiles at me, makes me melt. However, much like you, I'm also married. 18 years of married and I deeply love my husband. I know that come hell or high water, I would never cheat. It's not in me. And based on what you say, I don't think it's in you either. Cheaters are of a different breed. Not all encounters lead to an affair. Think about it. Think about all the celebrities you've ever thought about. Maybe a George Clooney, Bratt Pitt, etc. You'll think about them in that way, but you know there is no way you'd act on it. This is just another one of those things...only this guy isn't famous. And if you can't look at it that way, try this....he's temptation and nothing more. Your love for your husband isn't weak, don't let this man's attention tempt you.
2007-03-12 16:48:53 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I've been married for 11 years and I love my husband more than anything and I would never cheat, but there is nothing wrong with finding another person attractive. You don't sound like you're going to act on it....if you had any real desire to act on it, you wouldnt be here looking for advice.
You're getting attention from a younger, handsome man and that is exciting. The new and unexplored is often tempting, but very rarely lives up to our expectations. I think maybe your marriage has become a little too routine(kids, bills, etc....i can totally relate). Take this as a sign that you need more, but you need it from your husband. Let your husband know how you're feeling, try spicing things up and reconnecting with your husband. He's the one you love and the one who loves you...this younger guy is just attracted to you. I personally would take real love over a fleeting attraction anyday...
Good luck and God bless! I think you're a good person and you'll do the right thing :)
2007-03-13 00:07:46 · answer #2 · answered by Linnygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 17 years your mind is bound to wander a little bit. As humans we want variety. So just thinking about this guy isn't a big deal. Anything beyond that is going to cause problems. For example flirting back, going out with him, making a point to be around him, etc. Eventually this "flavor of the month" will pass. You'll still be very happy with your husband. Also it wouldn't hurt to see a marriage counsler. Even if everything is fine, just go, think of it as a marriage tune-up. Good Luck.
2007-03-12 23:46:25 · answer #3 · answered by norm2120 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of it like this....consider your marriage of 17 years like your bank account...your life savings....and some guy comes along and says hey....I can quadriple your money all you have to do is give me your bank account information and I'll do the rest. A total stranger..are you going to trust some guy with your life savings that you just met....Heck no you're not!! So why in the world would you even consider the young hot guy and throw everything you've worked for away...because of looks..his eyes and a smile no less...C'mon now!! Sounds like to me you're bored in your marriage or are wanting some attention that you may not be getting from your husband. And the first cute guy who comes along and glances your way and now your questioning everything that you know is nonsense. You need to go see a counselor or your pastor if you attend church,because you're not happily married if you're even thinking about this guy one iota! I'm sorry for being harsh but I don't get your reasoning on this nonsense as you put it.
2007-03-13 00:02:27 · answer #4 · answered by G=ME 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell the guy to back off. Just from what you've said it's sounds like you are tempted to do the very thing that you are saying you won't do.
The more you say you won't cheat on your husband it sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of it. Mrs. you are treading on thin ice. Everytime you see this guy it gets thinner. So you have two options, either you give in to temptation or you don't. We can't tell you what to do.
Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing. Just because he's goodlooking doesn't mean anything. The guy could have recently found out that he's contracted AIDS/HIV and he's angry and looking to share it with an unsuspecting victim like you.
And yes, sometimes that is how affairs begin. So you should squash that ASAP!
Good luck to you.
2007-03-13 00:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It natural to be taken by another man, the newness of flirting and stuff like that feels good. Being married for 17 years is great and not worth throwing away for lust. Maybe try to bring the romance and newness to your marriage. But it looks like you still got it girl, so use all that mojo on your hubby!
2007-03-12 23:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about it. ??????
Yeah, your husband will love you so much for being that open and up front it will take your marriage to an higher level of trust!
If my wife told me something like that, I can understand it. There are a lot of good looking people out there. I know my wife looks, I look too, it's natural.
Up front and open is the best way to go, then you really know if you have jealousy and inferior complex to deal with in your spouse.
2007-03-13 00:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by xman77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of sight out of mind. If you know he's occupying your thoughts why dont you make an effort to not be around him anymore? Send your husband out to do the grocery shopping or change the time of day you go. Plain and simple.
2007-03-12 23:49:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right and this is how you stop it!!
TELL THE YOUNG MAN TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOUR MARRIED AND LOVE YOUR HUSBAND IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND!
YOUR BEING SEXUALLY STALKED AND YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!
THE TELL HIM IF HE EVER MAKE CONTACT WITH YOU AGAIN YOU GOING TO POLICE AND FILE CHARGES!
he should run for hill right away,and if he dosen't then call police and get a restraining order because he's dangerous!
Cheating is a choice and once you go there, you'll never be the same again. Tell husband too, and tell him what your feeling, and be honest.
Good Luck, your going to need it!
2007-03-12 23:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you don't want to think about him then don't think about him,as easy as that. If a married woman has a moral even as tiny as a seed of mustard she will not intertain a flirting man even he will show her that he has a gold and studded diamonds penis. She will not disgrace her husband by lowering her standard as s. l .u .t .
2007-03-13 00:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by Vannili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋