In the last year there has been no intimacy between us, she has lost 30 pounds, she has become mean to me and the kids, she has cut her hair short and yet I don't see where she could have time to be cheating. I don't what to do.
2007-03-12 16:30:34 · 22 answers · asked by ramon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've read a few books about this concerning my parent's relationship (which involved cheating and eventually divorce). The most common signs of cheating are indeed a lack of intimacy, more attention to physical appearance, and tensions at home. Also, very commonly, there are acts of meanness and disrespect followed by disappearances that go unnoticed because you are emotionally reeling from the exchange that has just occured. Very often my dad would say or do something disrespectful and then go into another room to "brood," although it turned out he was really making phone calls or sending e-mails.
At the same time, however, perhaps your "20 year" landmark has made your wife feel like time is passing too quickly, and some part of her wants to establish that she is still young, beautiful and "free" on some level. Unfortunately when this happens I think a lot of people forget to appreciate what they've got!
Although I wouldn't stand in the way of her being more spontaneous, glamorous, whatever she's going for at the moment, I would certainly keep your eyes peeled. Perhaps you could stop by/call unexpectedly once in awhile or start paying attention to credit cards and the detailed records of your cell phone bill, which usually show all outgoing calls.
Good luck!
2007-03-12 16:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No offense, because I don't know how close a relationship you and your wife have had previously. Is it possible she's going thru menopause or pre-menopause and you haven't noticed? It's often a very scary thing for women, and to some it means they're old, or feel unattractive, whatever. Every woman handles it differently. Before you suspect cheating, suspect hormones! Talk to her. Ps. Lot of good suggestions here, and I gave a lot of thumbs up. Also some bitter, negative people, but, oh well. Assume the best, before you assume the worst. And yes, follow some of those wonderful positive suggestions above,(and below now that I'm reading them all) because you obviously are still very much in love with your wife and are just totally confused about the turn around. Please let us know how it works out after you talk to her, wine and dine her, compliment her on her weight loss and attractive appearance, and all the other wonderful suggestions. And yeah, you might wanna consider toning up a bit too if you've got the love handles. Men are happy with "comfortable in a rut." Women get scared! Who knows, she may even be afraid you're going to leave her; did that ever occur to you?, because of the lack of intimacy. How do you know she doesn't wonder if you're cheating on her? TALK! Please!
2007-03-12 16:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by mhiaa 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call that show...Cheaters...they will follow her and find out! Or you could ask her...when you ask her, look her straight in the eyes...if she looks away...she's definately cheating or about to. My sister got mean when she lost 70 pounds. She ended up leaving with her kids. Some ppl change a lot when they finally get that ego back. Sorry to say...it usually isn't nice! Would you leave her if she were to cheat on you? If not, don't bother asking....why ask if you don't plan to leave her? It would just be kicking yourself in the brain! You'll never get past it. Instead go to a therapist. Tell her it's for you. See this professional together as well as individual. She'll confess to that person. Then that person can give you both a plan without bringing up anything either of you wishes not to. Good luck!
2007-03-12 16:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You ever think about the possibility that she could be going Thur that time in a woman's life where substantial changes in her body and emotional stress may be taking place? The fact that your not having physical relationship with her despite the fact she has lost 30+ lbs may be weighing extremely heavy on her if she is going through her cycle. You really need to get back in touch with her and ask if there is something you can do for her to make things easy in her life. Be prepared to a answer either way.. Something is going on and as her husband you should be attune to her changes as they take place. Someone is slipping, investigate the reasons why....... TALK .........with her.
2007-03-12 16:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by denfasr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is not any longer plenty you may say. you may desire to talk a touch with regard to the psychological well being medical care & how plenty it has given you the skill to wish & to alter, however the quite significant ingredient is to take heed to her. do no longer in basic terms passively pay attention, actively pay attention & make useful she knows by way of on occasion reflecting what she says interior the words she's merely used, summarising the flaws she's stated to you & getting her to substantiate that's what she stated, yet maximum heavily asking her how she's felt and accepting that her thoughts are valid. enable her talk for the duration of the subject concerns she has with you, then on the top tell her you nonetheless love her, you're sorry for all she's been via & ask her if she would be able to furnish you time to have the comparable communique back, yet maybe with the youngsters contemporary as a kinfolk assembly. She won't be waiting for this, yet despite if she's desperate on a chop up, that's going to be your infants who supply you the perfect risk of rescuing the area offered you do in no way ask them to realize this or positioned any sort of rigidity on them. childrens evidently attempt to maintain their mothers and fathers mutually & are far greater effective at it than the mothers and fathers are, so enable them to do what comes evidently & do no longer intrude. i wish & pray it works out for you all.
2016-10-02 00:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st: Do you really want to know if your wife is cheating on you?
2nd: If someone wants to cheat or is cheating they find the time. Remember, you can't be with her 24/7
3rd: Sometimes a WIFE gets sick and tired of being sick and tired.
4th: Husbands tend to take their wives for granted. As long as you are fed and bedded on a regular basis, you are happy.
5th: Instead of asking a bunch of strangers whether or not your wife is cheating on you, maybe you should ask her yourself. Fear of the unknown is not an option at this point.
IF she is seeing someone else and it is confirmed, then you can begin making preparations to extricate yourself and your children from the situation as soon as possible.
If at all costs use tact and decorum when approaching your wife regarding a potential infidelity.
Then again maybe she has made the changes for herself to get you to notice.
Why is it that when wives begin to redefine themselves after years of marriage, husbands always assume it's another man?
Speaking from the wifes point of view, talk to her and find out what's up before you accuse her.
Also, not all wives are mean to their kids and spouses if they are cheating. Good luck to you and your family.
2007-03-12 16:50:42 · answer #6 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmm, sounds like a mid life crisis. there must be something she always wanted to do but never got the chance because for so many years she has put you and the family before herself. sit her down and talk to her, ask her what is on her mind. i really don't think she is cheating, just feel as though something is missing, she is missing something or hasn't found herself fully. talk to her. we women after being a wife and mother need to eventually find ourselves out of that setting.
Good Luck, all will be well. remember, communication is the key. when you do talk to her, do not assume!!!
2007-03-12 16:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't u think it is time for a heart-to-heart talk with her? Maybe she is feeling out? Maybe she feels the flame in the marriage has sizzled out?
Have u been giving her attention? Have u stayed attentive to her?
20yrs is a long time. U cld have unintentionally neglected her.
How about a vacation? Or some time time off work to romance her?
Sometimes we tend to forget the most basic things in life that gives us the warm fuzzy feeling of Love.
Try to remember the things u used to do with her, and make time to do those things with her again. It brings out sweet memories and rekindle those feelings that u both used to feel.
She may not be cheating on u. She might just be feeling out-of-sorts with herself, the marriage, the family.
It takes love to stay in Love.
But u still need to work things out to still stay in Love.
Good luck to u.
2007-03-12 16:45:05 · answer #8 · answered by MISSinterpreted 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your dear wife just how great she looks. Start complimenting her on the way she lost so much weight, take her out to dinner and start talking to her. If you are overweight tell her that you would like to follow her example and shed a few pounds.
2007-03-12 16:34:13 · answer #9 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have some Classic signs there, Bud!
So many people come on here and claim that they don't know what to do, WELL, you have been married for 20 years, TALK to your Wife! If she "hedges" you about her changes, I'd say it's very clear what she has been doing! think about it.
She knows ****-well what's going on.!
Talk to her, watch her exprressions and listen to what she says, and get a feel like "read-between-the-lines" ! This is all you have to do!
2007-03-12 16:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋