rebuttal to husband letting door slam in my face..?

Question

I rec'd many responses telling me to get over it, well more details...these things still continue to happen, daily, and as far as knowing him b4 marriage who really does everyone is on their best behavior, and our "dating" consisted of two dates one to dinner and one camping. so im not just dwelling on 3yrs ago, its current happenings. i have had to beg for communication, Its all about him, i have done for him hopin he would see and treat me and touch me the way he wants to be treated , does not work. his idea of romance is a bj?, i can walk into a room naked and he doesnt even notice, he is too busy watching other women mast on web , he acts like he is listening but he doenst really "hear" what im saying. i suggested therapy abt year after marriage and got the reply "well dont spend $10,000 on it? what happened to compromise 50-50 im not "allowed" to even watch tv in bed cuz it disturbs his sleep. yet if i sleep in the guest room he is pissed? i dont understand u men

Answer 1

First off do not paint all men with the same brush.

Your problems with your husband are your own and all men are not responsible for the way he is behaving.

Any man reading this might say , why bother if everything I do gets compared to what her last boyfriend or for that matter what her daddy did.

It is obvious that your relationship is in trouble , based on what information you have provided.

Start by going to individual counselling and figure out what compels you to stay in a dysfunctional relationship before you go pointing fingers at men in general.

Get the help you need whether or not your husband choses to participate.

If the marriage is beyond repair at least by treating yourself better you will be in a better place to move on if that's how things end up.

Good luck

Answer 2

How much of your life are you going to waste on a man that doesn't want to hear you, and refuses to look at you when you walk into a room naked, that's ridiculous, he should be all over you. Not sitting at his computer watching other women. Here's suggestion maybe he's bored, you should try and spice things up a little maybe walk into the room with a costume on with some stockings and heals, that should open up his eyes, get you a wig, and maybe you should try masturbating for him, try anything this is your husband, don't let him go that easy. Try what ever it takes and if that doesn't work then maybe you should consider a divorce, or maybe a small separation, this will give you two time to think about what matters the most. If he really cares then this will open his eyes and he'll realize that, because he doesn't want to lose you.

Answer 3

The porn stuff is bad news - watching women masturbate on the web. Ignoring you is hostile. Sure, everything you say points to a marriage that is on the rocks. But he did say the therapy just shouldn't cost 10,000.. so have therapy yourself for less than that amount! Get to work on talking this out with a therapist. It's like you are looking for permission to say this marriage sucks. OK, it sucks. But that doesn't mean you didn't have a part in deciding to marry and picking the guy and basing it on what? You can learn so much in therapy not only about yourself but about your husband and how to deal with him if he truly is a nutcase. It would be worth your while.
Meanwhile, all the details are your side of the story. My husband wouldn't like the TV in our bedroom either - and would be upset if I slept in the guest bedroom. I understand it. He doesn't understand why I have a hard time saying no to volunteer activities and why I don't keep making sure my car's oil gets changed. I don't even want to change those things about myself.

Answer 4

I think you should start focusing on taking care of yourself and your own needs. You can't change him, but you can change how you feel about yourself. Do stuff that you like to do, and then what he's doing won't bother you as much. If it makes you feel better to go to therapy, then find yourself a good counselor. I also would recommend a book called "For Women Only", I can't remember the author's name, but its a good read and may shed some light here and there. Guys don't always hear what we say, because they interpret what we say differently than what we mean or think. The book will help that.

Answer 5

Jane. Im sorry you are having such a bad experience with hubby. Clearly there are many issues you face with your stubborn immature husband. Men get complacent in ther marriages after time goes by. Im not justifying it im simply telling you that men get comforabtle and when that happens it often snowballs into a one way realtionship of sorts. Find someone else to be with part time and see it that helps you cope You would be surprised how many people have tried this and succeeded. Love the one youre with sorta.

Answer 6

Honey your situation sounds grave. You could stay with this man and continue to bend, continue to feel "not good enough", "not pretty enough". Continue to be the back burner to his ego. You could take the 10,000 and get tharapy or you could buy a new car, something around the convertable, red, "look at me" style. If you want advise, GIVE AS GOOD AS YOU GET. If you want sympathy? He sounds like a control freak, you shouldn't put up with that, you can do better, you deserve better. The problem is: he will continue to treat you this way as long as you let him. Stop it now.

Answer 7

OK. I am not understanding...I did not read your first complaint...this is the first one. You are right...people usually are on their best behavior before marriage...so now as of what you described...I would not be able to live not even as a room mate, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for myself...nothing is wrong with him watching the naked ladies on the net...etc...its the way he treats you...

Are you in a state that allows divorce..??? Are you able to file for divorce ? IF yes, you must gather the pieces and look for another chance to make this right for yourself...

Answer 8

its cuz women dont know how to pick the rite person. measure twice cut once

dont give it 2 dates give it 2 years

if guys abuse animals they WILL abuse you

little things DO matter

and maybe you should try looking at it from his point of view??

and maybe you should take some cash change your name and mov on off to the otherside of the country and start new

get a divorce

idk

im really sorry for your situation and i wish you good luck with a man who will treat you like a person

Answer 9

sorry about your situation...

what do u mean "u men" ?
I believe and am sure you meant Your , uh hum...Man..(loser, user , abuser boy)

dont get over it ..just GET!

some hard and harsh questions to ask your self..
do I have a brain?
Do I have feet?
a friend?
a car?
a spine ?
Fear?
family to RUN to ..quicky..?
courage?
low self esteem?
Locks on the inside that you cant unlock?

what am I doing?
trying to fix or save someone? not possible in a million years...
people only help and "fix" themselves by their own choice...he has made his choices as you clearly see and write about...
it's everything but you..

contact domestic asuse websites and hotlines and then call family in any order of your Choosing.
but , it's all your choice and if you make the right choices it will get over and real good real quick.
sometimes the hardest CHOICE is the best choice and will saveand change your entire existence

good luck

Answer 10

You sound like you are in allot of pain and I am sorry for that. I know you are looking for an answer that is going to change him. I don't think that is going to happen. You have 2 choices. Live like the two of you are strangers or leave him. He feels there is no problem and if you don't like his behavior then it's your problem. He should be ashamed of himself but, he is not and you can't make someone love or respect you. You can love and respect your self.