How do I stop this vengeful feeling that I have for my ex?

Question

He cheated on me and he physically abused while we where together, but I now all I think about is that I hope that his relationship with the girl that he is with (whom he cheated on me with) doesn’t work out and that she breaks his heart. I don’t want to feel this way, I really want to move on and I seriously hope that he has a successful life. I think that I have forgiven him for everything that he has done for me. I don’t know what to do. I hate feeling this way.

I did have an AVO against him at the end, but I revoked it, so I could just move on...

Answer 1

You haven't really forgiven him and deep down you still have feelings for him otherwise you wouldn't care about his new relationship. You need to be happy that you no longer have his negative influences in your life. You can't get smacked around by him again and he can never cheat on you again, all this has now moved on with him to the new girl and now he is her problem. He will get hurt one day and it will be 5 times more than how he hurt you, i'm a strong believer in Karma and i believe what goes around comes around threefold and it may not happen today or tomorrow but it will eventually happen. You should maybe seek counselling to help you deal with the abuse he handed you and so you don't attract another guy like that. I had a physically abusive bf and it took me ages to boot him out the door and when i did i wanted him back, then i ended up with another one just like him. it wasn't until i went and seen a counsellor that i figured i deserve better than that. Good luck and i hope you can move on from this horrible experience.

Answer 2

Jasmina,
You're right when you said at the end of your sentence about forgiving your Ex. That's the ONLY way! It might be hard but you need to accept that for whatever reasons, bad things happened at the time but if you hang onto those bad things it will keep you from going on living and it can be miserable!

I think men and women cheat for a reason when something isn't right, but, when you mention physical abuse, that will take some healing and there is NO excuse for that part. cheating is bad enough, but it will take time to get over that, and longer from physical abuse.

It's perfectly normal for you to have the hopes that the guy won't have a good relationship ever again, and it's because you got hurt in more ways than 1, I don't blame you for being resentful.
For your well being, though you should put the past behind you and start forgiving. You will start to feel better and you can start a new life and leave him behind with his. You can be happy again!

Talk to someone you trust and go to Church and pray. There are alot of things you can do to start the "healing process!" I'm sorry that you were hurt so bad.

Think positive and know that you will be ok from now on. Take up some new hobbies, something new, and feel good about yourself, ok?


Hope I've helped.

Answer 3

I know it's hard to move on with your life without him around but the only way to forget about this guy is keep yourself occupied (work,friends,partying,well maybe) And all the abusing he does is not what you deserve at all, nobody does. And if you keep running back to him, then that gives him more control over you.And he also knows that when this girl does ever leave him, he has you to run back to, to get what he wants and your relationship will end up back the way it was before with all the cheating,lying,and abusing so don't let him get to you cause it's hard I know. So the best thing you can do is find someone that loves you for you and cares about what you think and feel and not someone that doesn't love you but just uses you to get what he wants.

Answer 4

Usually I answer travel related questions but ill make an exception

First admit you still love him. A person can hurt you so much only if you have feeling for them, a person who you do not care for would not.

Now its time to get over it. Instead of accusing him and seeking vengeance, this will only keep your bond to him, its time that you looked yourself in the mirror and told yourself how silly you where, and have a good laugh.

Convince yourself you are possesive, that is is not love you felt but possession, and the need to have someone accept you. What frustrates you is not so much loosing him but the fact that you dont have what you want (spoiled) and its frustrating to be ditched (you were)

Just have a good laugh at yourself, and think of how much a fool you must have looked like, and how foolish you feel. Now instead of trying to hate the guy despise all he did to you, and promise next time you will pay more attention to this kind of man, but still leave your heart open for love. Its ok to be foolish once, maybe twice.

Works for me. Just feel silly about yourself, not angry. If you get all built up on him you will never forget, just dismiss him as a bad day, not worth remembering. If you still think about him just remember how foolish you are to. It will eventually go away. but do not seek vengence, just ignore him and if anybody asks you, just tell them you learned a valuable lesson from this relationship, and stop there, dont drag him in the dirt, however tempting it may be. Just say you had some good memories, but they are tainted with regret.

As a man, I can assure you these guys are the ones who become the most lonly later on.

Answer 5

Why do you have to forgive him? I think the first time he laid an angry hand on you and cheated on you, he forfeited his right to your forgiveness. What you need to do is quit hoping he has a successful life, quit worrying about forgiveness toward him, tune out his relationship with the person he cheated on you with and get your anger under control. Anger is actually a part of healing, but you need to know when it's time to let go of it and just move on. If you quit thinking about his future, it frees your time up to think about yours. Jump into a self improvement kick - take up a new exercise regime, eat healthier, get a little more sleep and pick up a new hobby/activity or take a class in something that has always interested you, but you never had the time. You have the time now - go for it! Maybe get some counseling to make sure you become strong enough to avoid this type of person again. Be kind to yourself and forget the loser!

Answer 6

TO be honest, there is not much any one call tell you to do. You have to want to do it all on your own. You still have feelings for him. There is nothing wring with that. You loved him and there was time spent. You can not just wake up one morning and say ok I do not love you any more. You are going to say I am mad at you .. I am hurt by you. I don't like you but still you love. If you were the one that made the dissision on your own you may have been more ready to take such a step but he did it for you the first tiem he hurt you then rubbed it in your face bu making love to another woman braking every promis he ever made. You are hurt even though your are telling your self you are over hin you are in denile. You want to see there relationship fail. In hopes to get back at him to show him how it feels to be hurt like he hurt you. All you can do my dear is give it time.. Time will heal all wounds.... You may forgive him but you will never forget him. 20 years from now you will be talking to your husband and remember this one guy that though he got the best of you and in the end you got the best out of life. When it hurts to love him just remember your life can be better now. You have a new start to a great life take the bull by the horns and do exsaclty what you want to to do there is nothing standing in your way.

Answer 7

First of all you don't need to forgive a person who physically abused you. Most men end up getting away with this crime and continue to pass it on to their children. Just because he was abusive with you doesn't mean it was your fault. Also, it doesn't mean it ends with you. Chances are he will abuse his current girlfriend in the same way. It probably won't end with her breaking his heart it will likely end with him hurting her physically. I'm not sure what the background was when you left him but you also need to take steps to continually protect yourself. Don't get back into the relationship with him. If possible change your address, phone number and don't look back. Move on to your interests, your likes, your dreams. You ended the relationship and that was the best thing you could do. Report him to the authorities if you know he is hurting someone again. Definitely turn him in if he hurts kids.

Answer 8

If I Were You I Would Feel The Same Way But For Your Own Good Just Don't Dwell On It Get Out Go Out With Your Chicas And Get Yourself A Handsome New Sud

Answer 9

First of all you need to let this bitterness and anger and hurt go or it will end up destroying you and ruining your life. You have not truley forgiven him if you still want revenge on him. Seek counseling and help for how you are feeling and sort out your feelings on this one and it will take time to heal from all of this before you can even start to get past it.Two wrongs do not make a right so forgive him and move on with your life and be happy and live life well without him in it. I feel for you and my heart goes out to you but i dont want to see these angry and vengeful feelings ruin your life and happiness though. I want you to be a survivor and overcomer and not a victim to him or these feelings anymore. Hugs to you today.

Answer 10

It's not right what he did to you, but if you concentrate on his good qualities maybe you could get rid of the bitterness and wish him happiness and luck in his new relationship. Anger and bitterness will eat at you and will not make you feel better, only worse. I am currently in a marriage where abuse and infidelity have been present. I am desperately trying to save our marriage, but if I do fail, I want my husband to get help and find happiness again. I love him and I hope that is enough. Either way I will survive and be okay.