going nowhere? youve been with this person for many years and you know they dont love you anymore and you dont love them anymore but you keep staying in it. you wanna leave and be happy again but you wanna stay for your kids sake.
Or maybe you were once in this situation.
maybe you wanted to leave but the other person didnt want you to go and you wondered why! If they dont love you anymore and you have even told oneanother that you dont, then why hold on? and what if that person has been looking for someone else on the side?
I hate myself, my life, and what ive become! and i know im the only one to change all of this. But it is so so so hard to.
What would you do in my situation?
im at the end and i really need advice.
Thankyou!
2007-03-12 16:11:36 · 9 answers · asked by Crissy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I felt as you do 4+ yrs ago. It got to the point I was thinking of ending my life. I decided to end the marriage instead but not til I exhausted all efforts of reconciling. My husband had turned into a very mean cruel man. His doctor called my house to tell me there were NO drugs to make him a nice guy...that my only option would be to leave him. That was a very sad day for me & our kids. The older ones rejoyced the younger ones cried. Here we are 4+ yrs later...he went to jail for domestic violence...did his time...his 2yr probation is up, he completed his 15 wks of anger management...has a steady g/f as I have a steady b/f. We've both moved on to a certain extent. WE are definately happier not living together. What our problem is now...how to get over the hurt...the fact that our marriage failed. What makes us think our new relationships will be any different...ask yourself this...can you picture your hubby & kids happy with another person? ANY tingle of jealousy there at all...dont divorce just yet...
I would ask your husband these questions...1. Does he believe the marriage is over? 2. Can he see you with another man and not get jealous? 3. Is he happy now the way things are?
Then tell him that you are not happy. Make a list of the things you would like to see change. Ask him if he can help you with them. If not, he's not interested in how your life is right now...which tells me he hasn't been interested for a while. Divorce is so sad. No matter how sad you think you are now, it can get worse! Think this through with a specialist. Find a good trusted therapist to help you see "outside" your window. Perhaps this person could do a few couple & individual therapy to see where the two of you stand. I highly recommend this...make sure you want to see your man with another woman before you let him go. To see your kids with her as well...gl
2007-03-12 16:30:15 · answer #1 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There certainly are a lot of people who are or have been in your situation. I am in one right now. I have two kids; a girl 7 and a boy 13. I am staying because of the kids. She is a terrible mother. Verbally abusive. If I get a divorce, she will take it out on the kids. It is very difficult, if not impossible for me to get sole custody. If I leave, I know I will not be happy. The 13 year old I think will be ok. She has toughened him up with all the abuse since he was little. I am afraid for the 7 year old.
I can certainly empathize with you when you say how you feel. I feel the same sometimes.
I will leave when I am comfortable my daughter is old enough to stand up for herself, which I think will be in four to five years. This gives me comfort because I know it is going to end. I have defined a criteria which when met, I will leave. You can do the same. It will bring you comfort as you get closer to that time. Good Luck
2007-03-13 00:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by fijian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After being with someone for a long time, a companionship develops, which could be holding you back. You said that you hate your life. Could it be that your partner is really one of the only people that you find comfort in, or can rely on?
If I were in your situation, I would ask myself if I think I can have a positive friendship with this person and nothing more, because it sounds like you still enjoy this person but would not like to pursue something romantic.
2007-03-12 23:18:02 · answer #3 · answered by <3 alex 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My first wife and I had been together since 14/16 her/me. We found ourselves at 43/45 with 3 teenage children at school/college elsewhere, and with different interests. We talked and agreed that we would have a legal separation ( she was having a crush on my boss at the time and wanted to visit him in his new job out of town). I was screwing around anyway.. That worked just fine until I wanted a full divorce to marry another (younger) woman. At which point I became sorely missed, not for sex, but the support she had become used to over the years.
With hindsight, I should have let her have her fling, I think, then worked on repairing our marriage. However, I was incapable at that time of accepting her (open) infidelity despite my own.
I would discuss the situation frankly with your partner, and then see if you would both accept a trial separation for a definite time. This need not necessarily be in different houses, but the relationship should be open enough to allow each other to explore alternatives. It takes guts and honesty.
2007-03-12 23:23:48 · answer #4 · answered by bak2deefuture 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was in that relationship, with the exception I never felt I needed to stay in it for the kids sake; he didn't want me to leave, but it didn't matter to me at that point, I didn't love him anymore and we weren't going the same direction.... I never hated myself or my life though; I just knew I was not going to continue living like that; filed for divorce, went on my way to raise two wonderful daughters.. So hold you head up high, believe in yourself either fix your marriage and be in it 100 percent or file for divorce and get on with it. This is not a dress rehearsal for life, it's the real thing, one run.....
2007-03-12 23:21:07 · answer #5 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If everything is bad then start doing different things. First tell the partner how you are feeling and that you want to start doing things that will bring a spark of happiness into your life. Think of something you loved when you were younger and start doing it again. For example, go and learn to dance, join a film or book club. You should try to involve you partner, you might both be in a rut and he may be very happy to join you and to encourage you. Bascially stop doing what you're doing now because it makes you unhappy. Be radical and act.
2007-03-12 23:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Do you have children?
Are you sleeping around?
Are you in need of a quick wake me up?
Your talking about being with someone who made a vow to you and you to him.
Selfish people look for the GREAT ESCAPE, while the real world most marriages go through this for a spell it called complacently and it's both of your problems!
Spell it out to husband and ask him would he like a divorce or would he like to get involved with the marriage again?
Marriage is about two people willing to work together.
Not one person who will bail when things get tough.
2007-03-12 23:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Muster up the courage to do what you KNOW you need to do. You know you need to leave, and get on with your life. All you need to do...is do it!
2007-03-12 23:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Just use me for sex... I won't mind.
2007-03-13 00:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋