What are your views on letting your child cry themselfs to sleep?

Question

I have an 1 year old and he was breastfed and I let him sleep in our bed since he was born. Last week he got sick and everytime he nurses he throws it up so wednesday night i didn't let him nurse, then thursday i let him nurse twice, then he didn't nurse again until last night....he won't go to sleep unless I nurse him I have tried a bottle, a sippy cup, and a pacifier...nothing is working so I put him in his bed and all he does is cry....is this "bad" for him?

I can't nurse him, everytime I do he throws it up. He will cry for 5-10 minutes, then be quiet for 5-10 minutes, then start crying again. If I go in there it only makes it worse.

Answer 1

I think its important to make a distinction between abnormal and normal crying.

Abnormal crying times include: during feedings, immediately after feedings, and times when a baby wakes early out of a sound nap. Crying during these times requires attention, and child should not be allowed to "cry it out"

Normal crying times include: just before a feeding, when a baby is put down for a nap, and during the late afternoon/early evening period. The type of crying you are asking about is when going down for a nap. The duration of this type of crying is set by the child, but monitored by the parent. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes that: "Many babies cannot fall asleep without crying and will go to sleep more quickly if left to cry for a while. The crying shouldn't last long if the child is truly tired."

It is not unusual for a sleeping baby to occassionally begin whimpering or crying softly in the middle of a nap. Again, the words of the American Academy of Pediatrics are helpful in understanding what is going on. "Sometimes you may think your baby is waking up when she's actually going through a phase of very light slumber. She could be squirming, startling, fussing, or even crying--and still be asleep. Or she may be awake but on the verge of drifting off again if left alone. Don't make the mistake of trying to comfort her during these moments; you'll only awaken her further and delay her going back to sleep. Instead, if you let her fuss and even cry for a few minutes, she'll learn to get herself to sleep without relying on you." The Academy goes on to say that "some babies actually need to let off energy by crying in order to settle into sleep or rouse themselves out of it. As much as fifteen to twenty minutes of fussing won't do you child any harm. Just be sure she's not crying out of hunger or pain, or because her diaper is wet."

Identifying and knowing your baby's cry patterns and disposition (personal style) will help you learn to discern real needs.

Answer 2

Well, I did let my son cry it out...he cried for about 30 minutes the first night and then 15 the next, 5 the next. Now he's a great sleeper. I did it because he wasn't getting enough sleep (Honestly, I didn't mind getting up for him. I was tired, but it was more for him.) and he was tired all the time. I would go back in every 5-10 minutes and rub his back, tell him it's okay, etc. I did it when he was younger than a year, so it will probably take longer and he will do more crying for you. It may be up to an hour or more. Speak with your pediatrician about it. It will not hurt them, and they will not think you don't love them!!! I wanted him to learn to fall asleep on his own, and now he is a great sleeper, at nap and bedtime. And he is always happy as can be. Just like we teach them to tie their shoes, and feed themselves, we have to teach them how to fall asleep. I tried all the other techniques, and nothing else worked. Sometimes it's the only way. If you want to, you can also try the method where you leave him in his crib and just sit in the room, slowly moving closer to the door each night. Don't make eye contact or talk, but they will be able to see you and know you have not left them.

But, I wouldn't try this right now. He is sick, and doesn't feel good, and he needs his mama. (Sometimes I still want mine when I get sick!!) Even if you can't nurse him, you can sit and rock and sing with him. Eventually he'll probably fall asleep from exhaustion. (and you'll be exhausted too, but that's the life of a mom!) When was the last time he threw up? If it's been over 16 hours, you can probably nurse again. It's important to make sure they don't get too dehydrated from the vomiting. Good luck to you! Hope he gets better soon!

Answer 3

It's not mean and it does not make your child think you do not love them. You made the bad habit and the easiest way to break it is to do what your doing. My ten month old kept waking me up 2-3 times a night. I talked to my doctor about it and he says the quickest way to do it is what your doing. My 10 month old won't take a Pacifier anymore. That is how they learn. I started with him with that about three weeks ago and now he sleeps all night and I an put him straight to b ed and he may cry for 30 seconds then he lays down on his own and goes to sleep. My 2 1/2 year old goes to bed on his own too, and he's in a toddler bed. I don't by any means think what you doing is wrong. I want you to remember that it will not hurt them and stay strong. No matter how long he cries do not go get him because then he knows "Hey I win. I got what I wanted." It will only take 2 or three times of this treatment if you stick to it wholehearted. I saw results the very next night. Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 4

I wonder if his illness has turned into an ear infection? That can cause excessive crying. If you think he can keep Tylenol down, you could try that and see if it helps. I would put him to sleep any way possible for now (nursing, driving, rocking), then introduce him to the crib when he's all better. In the meantime, start reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She's a genius.
I read your additional comments, and I would be very concerned about an ear infection. Try some Tylenol. It may not help, but it won't hurt.

Answer 5

I think that you sound like you are the kind of mother that does things for your son to be most comfortable(i.e. breastfeeding for a year plus:) and cosleeping.) I don't think when your baby is sick it's a good idea to change a routine that has been comfortable to him since he was born. After he is done with his cold if you still feel that you would like to start him sleeping in his own bed or you want him to start falling asleep a different way then by all means try it. Remember, these things take time, after all, he's been doing them since he was born so it will probably be tough and a really big change for everyone. Be patient and if it doesn't work try something else. The most important thing is making him comfortable without you going insane. good luck!!

Answer 6

As much as it hurt me to let my baby cry, I tried this method and it worked!!!. The first two nights we let him cry for an hour before going in. Then the following nights, we noticed that after an half-hour of crying he began to fuss himself to sleep.

A month later- He sleeps through the night! He doesn't even cry himself to sleep, he simply goest right to bed, I am very proud of him

However, the month it took to get him to this point, was difficult. Plus, I think it took us so long, because I kept stopping the process b/c it was too hard listening to him cry every night.

I believe that if I would have stuck with it, and was consistent, then it would have only taken 2 weeks.

It is worth trying.

Answer 7

You know his cry better then anyone else. You know if he is sad, scared or just complaining. If you have done everything for him and there is nothing else to calm him down at bed time...... then let him cry for about 15-20 min. Any longer for the first few times could make him have night terrors. So start out slow......
Let me tell you as a mom, letting them cry is the hardest thing you will ever do as a mom!
But very important not only for you but for him too.
If you still want to bresatfeed him then let him nurse right after diner OR right after his evening bath. Get him into a routine that works for you. (this will take a few weeks...with or without breastfeeding him), it is very easy to give in as mom........ I KNOW. Be a strong mom. When it is bed time then it is bed time! MEAN it. Dont give in, because then he knows he controls you.
In his crib have a sippy cup of water and a pacifier; who cares if he doesnt use them, they are there to comfort him only. Or a special blanket.....
Rock him for about 3 min whlie you are standing up and then gently put him in the crib, walk out and shut the door. DO NOT LOOK AT HIM. I garuntee he WILL cry. Dont rush into his aid. The first time wait 20 min then go in. This means if you have to go outside for 20 then do so. He will be fine....... but you will cry. After 20 min go in and reasure him. Everyone always says Dont pick them up...... Well I DO. I think it is important he knows he is safe, and he will feel safe in your arms. Rock standing for about 3 min and then say you love him put him back and walk out and shut the door. Next time let him cry for 30 min. Do your nails or something, cover your heard with a pillow. If you hear him you will cry! =-( This is so hard. I feel for any parent trying to figure this out.
Our 14 month old will now sleep through the night without waking. If he wakes....... honestly it is easier for me to run in there feed him and put him back to sleep then it is to let him cry in the middle of the night. Mind you at about 4-5 am our 2 year old comes in and sleeps with us.
I always figure choose your battles....... they wont sleep with you forever. Besides it make you feel good as a mom. Do what work for you and your family! Good-Luck.......=-)

Answer 8

If he only does it for 5-10 min at a time, he's trying to get your attention. Keep trying, your not doing anything bad. If he starts crying for 15 or more then I'd say go to him but if it's on and off, no.

Answer 9

If your baby is feeling unwell, he might just be crying out of temper. I work part time at a nursery who will often let a baby cry himself to sleep, and he doesn't seem harmed by it, though I don't personally see it as the best way around it.

If the problem persists, perhaps you should take him to a doctor.

Answer 10

well i think some ppl can do it i am not one of them my heart won`t let me.. but if i can calm my son down then the way i see it is there is no point in holding him if he is only gonna cry he can do that in bed.. try lettin dady put him to sleep. he is probly wanting closeness so try layin with him reading a book, humming, cuddling, rubbing him, or skipping the afternoon nap. but it is not Bad for him too cry it out. some babies respond to it. Some moms can handle it with out feeling guilty if your not that kinda of mom then don`t even try cuz it will only make you feel bad then he`ll pick up on that..good luck