I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer. When he started dating he met this girl who was real trashy when I knew her about 10 years ago. She has 2 kids, and does things that I feel are inappropriate since she has children. He has showed some interest in other women, but always goes back to her. I never told him the things I knew about her. Should I? I think this is just a rebound girl he has trouble getting over.
2007-03-12 15:47:54 · 40 answers · asked by jabegall 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think you should respect his boundaries. If he asks about her, you should tell him. If he doesn't, you should leave it alone. People may change in 10 years, and she may be different. Also, he may just need a rebound girl for a while, and when he is emotionally ready to get over his wife, and this other girl, maybe he'll make different decisions. If you want to be a good friend, just be there for him. Sounds like he needs someone to listen, and not judge him. Unless, of course, he is putting himself at risk, then you should say something. Otherwise, let it be.
2007-03-12 15:52:40 · answer #1 · answered by Jacqui K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you should maybe try and get to know what she is like now. As those things that happened were in the past and i believe that is where it should probably stay. Maybe he already knows about it and as you saying is using her to get over the loss of his wife. Maybe you shouldn't judge her on what happened in the past and should see wether she has grown up, everyone makes mistakes and that is how we learn. Let this man be happy and leave him to make his own decisions, i feel if you say anything it will just make him turn away from you. Just be there for him when he needs you.
2007-03-12 15:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem with your statement is "she does things that I feel are inappropriate..."
He might be fine with the things she does. He might actively encourage them.
So, unless you know she's leading a double life and keeping some very big secrets (like pretending she's a virgin and has no kids, or is a coke dealing, crackhouse whore while he's out at work), the chances are that you'll only cause friction in your friendship by airing your opinions too vociferously.
Or maybe you want a peice of him yourself?
2007-03-12 15:54:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a sticky situation. You want to look out for your friend. However, if you tell him these things, it could upset him and turn him against you. When people are in a relationship, they don't want to hear what other people "know" about the other person. Let him find out on his own and then you can be there for him and support him through the ordeal. Bottom line, just let him find out on his own. He will make the right decision. Good luck!
2007-03-12 16:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by Deanna S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the kind of freindship you have, if you are always honest with each other you must tell him but you also have to realise that he might take too kindly to the truth and he might get cross with you. After a while when he realises you are telling the truth he will thank you for it. It wont happen overnight so you have to be patient until he realises the truth. True friendships are hard to come by.
2007-03-12 23:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by kayli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mind your own business. This was 10 years ago when she was 10 years younger. What do mean by 'inappropriate'? You shouldn't stop having fun because you become a parent, as long the children's welfare are not neglected.
2007-03-13 00:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on how close the two of you happen to be. Do you normally confide in each other about very serious issues such as personal relationships with other people? Do you think he respects and values your opinions? Is he ready for the truth? Can you discuss this matter with him gently and rationally? Think about how you would feel if he were to tell you about a guy you're dating that he disapproves of because he knows some things that you don't know. Again, it really depends on the closeness of your relationship with this gentleman. Please consider these things long and hard before you speak.
2007-03-12 15:57:02 · answer #7 · answered by Bethany 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is a saying that goes: 'The messenger always gets shot.' That is to say, that your friend may not appreciate it if you do tell him. If you have anything negative to say about his girlfriend, it may spoil or mar your friendship. You have to allow him to make his own choices. Be a good friend, support him by getting along with his girlfriend, and simply be there for him if it doesn't work out.
2007-03-12 17:45:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Possibly! How well do you know this women now? People can change alot, especially in 10 yrs. Talk to your friend & see what it is that keep pulling him back to her. Personally if it was me I would to know anything that my friends knew about my boyfriend. Maybe you can give him the info & then let him do what he wants with it.
2007-03-12 16:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Canadian Chick Eh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nobody is perfect-people make mistakes. i know i would hate to be judged today for things that i did 10 years ago.
the truth has a way of revealing itself- if she is still trashy, he is going to find out whether you tell him or not. it's possible that he already knows and doesn't care. then if you bring it up, it might make you look a little foolish- like you have set some standards for him.
question your OWN motivation. do you want him?
be true to yourself.
2007-03-12 15:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by snapper 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋