My new wife (been married 6 month) has finally admitted to a sleeping pill addiction. Thursday after being caught finally went to see a psychologist and I went with. Near the end of the session I was allowed to speak with the tow of them I just wont the doc to know how sever the addiction was (8 +pills a night with a beer or two). After explain this to the doc I was told that my wife was a worry wart we should eliminate the stress for her and try to make our home a more tranquil place and she might put her on a anti anxiety medication (Not living under my roof no more Drugs)! I am more of a tuff love kind of guy the therapist is not never speaking of the addiction only about anxiety .OK I can try this! I took out all the alcohol and everything but prescribed allegory medicine.
So we are getting some ware the next day I go to take money out of our bank all gone and overdrawn in the thousands. I call the wife ask what happen and she admitted to lying for months about our finances and that she had blow it on much of nothing. I told her to move out till she figured out a plan with her life. The next day she had a written plan on what she was going to do. I am so hart by the Lies and deception I don’t know how to not be frustrated with her all the time and I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. What is you advise on my situation
2007-03-12 15:44:46 · 18 answers · asked by irishfirefighter762 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel you need to do as you are ....your not being her pasty, your not letting her run over you , yet your still being a man and true to your weding vows, for goood ...for bad ...in sickness {addiction is a sickness} and in health {if you stand by her without enabling she will get well} ...you are being all that a good husband should be even in the face of opposition , I applaud you for your efforts. If she refuses help in the face of such a good husband .....im sorry but you will have to let her go.
I wish for you all the happyness and succes you deserve and you will get it !!!!!!!!!!
Peace
2007-03-16 08:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by KorvetteKaren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the above writer... just to let you know, you are hard to understand. But you are in a very emotional situation, so that's ok.
Basically, you are dealing with an addict at this point. You cannot trust anything that she says. She may love you, but will lie and cheat and steal to feed her addiction, do not believe anything she says. Harsh, but true. I'm glad to hear you're a tough love kind of guy, because you'll need it - the tough love, I mean.
You need to find a psychologist with expertise in addiction disorders - not just any old psychologist, sounds like the first one was a little touchy-feely. The one you find should also hook you up with a 12 Step Group (which your wife must go to), which you may also need to attend. Basically, you need as much as support as possible, because reality is so skewed because of the lies.
I can't tell you whether to stay or go. That's your personal decision. You have to decide what marriage means to you, and what the deal breakers are. What's her family history like, does she have a history of drug abuse, does she lie about other things? So many factors. Talk to people you trust and get their opinions. But don't let her back in the house, don't give her any access to your money, make her pay back the debts, don't give her the car keys, nothing.
Basically, if you stay, you have to draw up a very strict contract with her, with very clear consequences. The second she doesn't fulfill her end of the deal, then those consequences are put in place. You are dealing with a two year old at this point, a lying scheming addicted two year old.
Good luck. I wish I had more answers for you.
2007-03-12 16:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you stay with her get all the finance in your name where she can not get a hold of and waste the money. Give her rules to go by since she has the problems and you need some too. Talk and come to an agreement. If you can not then it may be time to seperate. If she gets better than you can always start back seeing each other again.
2007-03-12 16:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until she can manage her addiction, you have nothing... no relationship, no wife, nothing of meaning since the addiction runs her life (an addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful beyond belief), talks for her, and makes her decisions. Things to do:
1) continue therapy- nay, require it as a requisite for the marriage to continue
2) she must join AA, NA or some form of support group
3) she must attend meeting regularly (3-5 times per week without fail)
4) she will need a sponsor
5) consider rehab ASAP to decrease the potential damage
6) CONTROL THE FINANCES-- PLACE EVERYTHING IN YOUR NAME AS YOU WILL BOTH LOSE EVERYTHING!
You must join a group for support or get some therapy to assist you to deal. If this is too much for either of you... the the marriage may be doomed. 4 A's for divorce to be an option- addiction adultery, physical/emotional abuse and coming out of the closet. She qualifies for one!
G'luck!
2007-03-12 16:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect that the plan for rehab. needs to involve you and your wife with direction and support from the medical profession. You wife clearly has problems and I think you need to support her even though she has done things behind your back. Take more of an interest in your finances, move the money into an account where only you pay the bills. Leave money in the other account but only enough for her to use for living expenses.
2007-03-12 15:53:48 · answer #5 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She has already proven she is a liar, what else could you ask for? She has taken money or blowed it and now your asking for advise. My advise would be leave while you can and not so broke if already not. She will continue to do these things as long as someone enables her. You've only been married 6 months and already she has shown you what kind of person she is. My belief is if someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
2007-03-12 15:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wife is probably a pathologicl patient.either send her to a rehabilitation centre or stay with her(depends on how much you can take because these pateints try all your pateince on earth!its tuff.)if u decide to stay with her make sure keep the distance in money matters.no joint accounts and all.
best of luck:)
2007-03-12 16:17:30 · answer #7 · answered by gary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On::: unnatural death of a woman, within 7 years of marriage, if she was subjected to mental or physical cruelty just before death, the courts are bound to believe that her death was caused by inlaws unless they prove their innocence by clinching legal evidence of reliable and trustworthy witnesses to the satisfaction of that court. If they fail, they will be Govt. guests for 10 years or till death in Central Prison.
2007-03-12 21:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
dump her and run.. i married a chick with mental problems and then she got addicted to therapy and drugs. had i known she was a mental misfit, i would have run the other way. what a mess she was. addicted to mind altering drugs and other drugs that made her coochie like the sahara desert. i feel betrayed and used. i divorced the biotch but lost half my wealth... but it was worth it for her to be out of my life.
2007-03-12 15:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by canadians_are_imbeciles1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i under stand u but dont leave her.because some one has to correct her.that some one is u.ur her husband YOU CAN DO IT.nothing is difficult in this world,spend more time with her.show more love.she will surrender.love is a great weapon. cheer up. all the best pls do inform us.
2007-03-12 19:22:09 · answer #10 · answered by revathy l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋