Does anyone else....????

Question

Have a mentally chalenged person in the family and does it bother you when you hear someone call them a "retard" or use that word. My sister-in-love(law) was damaged at birth and has the mentality of a 3-4 year old child even though she is 48 years old. She is happy and friendly and bless her heart she loves everyone. Actually I think in a certain senseshe's lucky in that she has had a great life and none of the problems that go with "growing" up. My husband gets upset when people stare or wisper about her when we are in public. I just laugh at their ignorance. We had a really bad episode the other night so it made me wonder if anyone else has this situation and does it make you made when people do and say stupid things or do you just accept that they are ignorant?

Let me clarify somethings, when I said damaged at birth it was because she was normal(whatever that is) until delivery. She has left sided brain damage from a botched forceps delivery. I don't get upset with others, my husband does. I love her and don't care what others think. He gets upset sometimes ecause he wants to protect her.

Answer 1

Actually, you getting upset is the only thing that gives words like that their power. People can be ignorant. I don't think your sister-in-law cares, maybe you and your husband should worry a little less as well.

Answer 2

I guess I feel like words are only as powerful as you make them. My friend has a son who's only 3 so it's too early to tell how far he'll advance mentally (he seems pretty smart), but he's physically pretty disabled and the word "retard" doesn't really bother her, except for one instance....

she was joking around with a friend and said something to the effect of "Don't be retarded," and her friend got all serious and somber and said "I dont' think you should be using that word anymore..." At this point, my friend thought she had offended this other girl and felt chasened that she'd used this term in what could be perceived at being derogatory until she realized that the other woman was talking about HER SON...

I don't know what the conclusion here is... I'm just citing this as an example...

I think if I heard someone say it, I would think they were ignorant and maybe just stupid or rude... but I don't think I'd be offended...

Answer 3

Actually, I'm also a kid at heart, and I act like it whenever or wherever I like to. So I understand your sister. But, I do not have the same perspective as the others might have.
You see, you can never erase the fact that that's the way how people will react to the condition of your sister-in-love. Its the understanding that most of the people were born to. But at least, you're doing the right way:ignoring them. Talk to your husband and tell him that both of you or anyone in the family shouldn't mind the gestures other people are throwing at her. It would just make the matters worse.

Remember, it's only both of you who knows your sister-in-love's true condition. Never let anyone put a bad mark on that. =)

Answer 4

I can relate to it on a different level-I have tourettes.You can imagine what is often said about me behind my back when the ticks start going.I tend to let it roll off of my back like water,but I can see how it would certainly make you mad if they mocked a family member with a disability.Frankly,I think the world would be a better place if we just forgot about P.C. and started making idiots suck their front teeth down their throats when they talk ****!

Just ignore it if it doesn't affect her,and keep in mind that your mentally challenged loved one would never ridicule them for their ignorance-lest of all not in public-so who really is the simpleton?It sounds to me as if they are the ones making dreadfullly foolish choices that only a REAL lame brain would make.

Or you could proceed on my previous suggestion and have another family member ready the bond money;D but then again,such imbecils are hardly worth jail or prison-good luck!

Answer 5

I accept that they are ignorant...although have been know to make my point quite obvious at times.
I have worked in group homes for DD's and during the times when I have to take my clients out in public for money management or an outing...it has been obvious how the general public see this section of society.
Most people stare and/or make comments. Usually they think they are being kind but they are actually being quite rude and condescending.
On one occasion, We were out at a pizza restaurant, mind you 5 of the 6 clients were in wheel chairs and I was coming around the corner with "R" and some RUDE teenagers had their feet in the way. I said excuse me...and they acted like we had the PLAGUE! So I just ran over their toes with he wheelchair, and "R" was laughing his head off! It was a great day!

Answer 6

Seeing the world as it is, it comes with no surprise. People feed off of the misfortunes of others. It is very saddening. It may even be irritating. However, although those people are wrong in every way imaginable, you shouldn't let them get to you. Simply ignore them.
A proverb once said, "if someone slaps you, turn the other cheek." Of course it wasn't being literal, but the point was that you should not become wrathful with people because that will only make things worse. I do agree with you 100%, so just ignore those people who mock her. Just enjoy life and help her to enjoy it as well.

Answer 7

Damaged at birth? Maybe what you have is an Angel sent from Heaven. I strongly believe that God creates people like your sister in love to test the rest of us. I do not have (have not been blessed) with anyone like her in my family. I have been hugged by people with Downs Syndrome sometimes out of the blue. What they have to give is true Love. Don't let the things that ignorant people say or do bother you. They have failed the test. You have passed.

Answer 8

Not mad, but sad. It isn't feeling sad for a loved one so much as it is feeling sad for the insensitivity one human can have towards another. It's better to focus on her blessings and the blessing that she has been to those who aren't afraid to get close to her. No, I will never accept the insensitivity of others, especially when it is degrading and malicious. I would just try to remind myself that it is ignorance. But, you know the great joy of loving your sister-in-love and your bitter-sweet victory is that they never will. By the way, your sister-in-love is perfect.

Answer 9

To me, ignorance is no excuse for laughing or staring or whatever. People who do it are the ones with the true disability. It's called "no compassion."