He told me he cant stand me for the second time.?

Question

I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and he has seemed really happy and content when at home with us but this morning we had to take the baby to the doctor and he seemed really peeved with me and was rushing and rushing me. Finally he he blew up and told me that he can't stand me and slammed the door in my face. this is the second time he said this to me, the last time he said that he regreted marrying me and having a baby with me but appologized and took it all back. I am feeling very scared and insecure because now we have this little person to raise but I feel like I should move out if he truly hates me. I have a place to go but don't want to take his baby from him so soon...oh what to do?

Answer 1

You poor woman, dear God get away from this abusive angry man. This is a time in your life when you need all the support and love possible, and this man is brimming on the edge of violence. Please do not worry about taking your baby away from this man, worry about keeping your baby around him. A baby is a gift from God and this man is looking at the situation with hatred. He has a problem within himself, it could be many things, but right now is not the time to sit and wonder why he is acting this way. Get yourself into a safe and calm environment, you and your precious baby deserve a thousand times better !!!

Answer 2

First, take a breath and calm down. It might not be as bad as it seems. After you have a baby your hormones are still out of wack and you are very emotional besides tired and afraid. Maybe, he feels somewhat the same. It's new and overwhelming to any new Mom or Dad. So, he might just be over-reacting because he's scared too.

Secondly, don't think about moving out immediately. If he
is really fed up with you and/or the situation maybe you could go for counseling to help both of you work out your problems.
Since you do have a new little one that is depending upon both of you maybe that's a better answer for the baby as well as you.

Thirdly, you say he "slammed the door in my face". That's bordering on physically harming you. If he has done that or if you feel he will do that then you can not stay there. Leave - feel safe and secure - and then you can deal with your other problems but for the sake of your baby know when that time is and act on it.

Finally, you shouldn't be looking at the situation as "taking the baby from him". He's an adult and should act like one. If he won't take responsibililty for his actions and his child...he is removing himself from the picture. So, don't put any guilt upon yourself. This is his problem and he has to deal with it.

If you feel like you need support then reach out for it. There is no reason you have to handle this totally on your own. If you need time and space then give that to yourself too. And after all of this, you feel he really does hate you then don't stay in that type of relationship it will deaden you and hurt your child and the child's esteem.

You can always print this out and leave it where he will see it.
Congrats on your child and I hope everything will work out for you.

Answer 3

Maybe he's stressed and scared by the new responsibility he has with the baby. Men tend to postpone dealing with the responsibility of a child until the child is actually born. Still, that's a rotten thing to say to you. If you trust your OB/GYN, talk to him/her and ask if there's any pattern of men having such a mood swing when a baby arrives. It sounds like your husband needs some counseling but it seems doubtful if he would be willing to attend. Still, such instability is not good for you or the baby, it's a huge adjustment for you also. You could try moving out on a temporary basis, say a couple of weeks. Let him know he can still come and see the baby but if he is verbally abusive to you, he will have to leave. Have the person you are staying with (your mom?) back you up on this.

If he acted like this twice and it's only been two weeks, that's not a good sign, but maybe with some changes coming from within him, you both can work it out.

Answer 4

So sorry you are going through this trying time. You should re-evaluate the whole situation. Is what he did to you considered his normal daily behavior? Does he make you feel scared and insecure on a regular basis? You should really talk things out first. Maybe seek marriage counseling. Unless he is a violent man, if that is the case you should get away from him. Good luck.

Answer 5

You both have to talk, openly and honestly, and immediately. A counselor may help. First, a baby changes your life forever. Then you have a huge adjustement to make. Maybe he's feeling insecure about his parenting skill, or maybe it's something else. Guys deal differently than gals. You need to find out now, not 10 years from now, if this is real or just part of the adjustment period. He has to decide if he's ready to be a parent, or not. If not, you need to get the baby out of that environment, it will be worse in the long run, and that's what your in it for....the long run.
Congrats and I hope everything works out how you want it to!

Answer 6

It could be he's nervous about being a father. Just about every couple has a period of adjustment in their marriage after the first baby comes along. Sometimes they can work it out themselves and other times they may need a little help. Is he willing to go into marriage counseling with you to try to work this out? If not, go yourself so you can explore your feelings and your options. At least this way, you can get an idea of his level of commitment to you and the baby and if you're not satisfied with it, you can take the next step of seeing a lawyer to see what your rights are.

Answer 7

Before all these kock-blocker (yes I'm aware of the typo) prudes come in and tell you to leave him, take the rational approach.

The only way you can get through to a man like this is to be firm with him - firm and harsh.

Demand that he listen to what you have to say, and tell him - at some length - how you're feeling about the BS he's been spewing, and whether or not he's willing to pull his head out of his (expletive) so that he can raise his and your child right.

It's YOUR turn to get short-tempered with HIM. Test his mettle. See if he really does love you (but is scared or whatever the case is), or if he really IS a sleazeball whom you should leave.

Answer 8

Stand up for yourself and your child. Do what you feel is right for you. I wouldn't worry about "taking his baby from him so soon". Isn't this the same baby he said he wished he hadn't had with you? That is no way to treat the mother of your child, especially so soon after giving birth.

Perhaps he over-reacted and is truly sorry, only you can make that call, you are the one that knows him personally.
I'd ask myself "Does he say things like that often?" "Is there anything else that he does to me that is hurtful?" or "Is this an isolated occurrence?"

Answer 9

he sounds like he has a lack of maturity when it comes to his anger. I have it to. I have said I hated my husband and seriously DID NOT mean it. It's a problem he has with his anger and fustrations not a problem with you. Remember that! He really sounds like he needs some med. to stabilize his anger for a while. Maybe he is feeling so much more responsibility and is overwhelmed. Try and talk to him when you both are calm. Make a dinner date with him out or at home and take time for each other and see how he is feeling. It could help. Good luck to you. Congrats on your new baby!

Answer 10

I don't know if men feel threatened buy the baby and the affection that you show it but this happens way to often when a baby is in the house. me can go haywire and feel resentful b/c they are not the only one you have affectio for and resent the baby too and flip out. He needs help and you may too b/c he could get violent. Do something before it gets out of hand.