Pregnant by married man, need his help finacially he says no, am I wrong to expect help from him?

Question

He wants nothing to do with me or our child. He wanted me to abort the child. He wants me to respect his family and his life. I don't want to hurt him or his family, but I need his help. I didn't know that he had a wife, or a family for almost a year. I told him to just send what he could, I don't want to go to court. He says he can't help at all, and he will not help, or see the child. I feel he is leaving me no choice but to force the issue. If he wants respect he needs to give it. I don't think asking for a phone call a month, and money when he can is asking for much. He makes over 80,000 a year, I am on bed rest and am making 120.00 a week trying to raise my 2 children and get things ready for this one.

Answer 1

NO. Get a lawyer and get a paternity test. Regardless of the fact that he is married, and you want to avoid court, the child deserves better. And how much did *he* respect his family, if he was in a relationship with you?

It's his responsibility. Most states, even if you give up parental rights (like visitation), will make the parent pay child support.

My best wishes to you and your family. Things will get better.

Answer 2

First of all not to chastise you but it was a mistake to get involved with a married man. But now you are the mother of his child and need help. You know he can be taken to court and the court could order DNA tests if he refuses to support the child. He is responsible for this child if it his, and he knows it. He is just hoping you will just give up and go away, but you need his help with the child. He doesn't have to see the child, but he is obligated to pay child support, so don't let him get away with it. He is really acting like a real cad, but again he lied to you, let you fall in love and impregnated you and now he will not take responsibility for the child. Wow what a nice guy you fell for...He is the typical cheater who doesn't give a care for the woman he is having an affair with, he just uses her and then when things get tough, he walks away...Don't tell his wife, don't threaten him, just take him to court...He will have to answer the summons. He may come around and support his child in the end. I wish you well.

Answer 3

If you knew he was married then you should not tell his wife. But he kept it a secret. That is probably his biggest concern. However, he made the sexual choice and should take responsibility. He used you. He wants you to respect him but does not respect you or the new life. You should tell him you will go for child support. I don't know your State, but my State CA automatically takes money out of their wages. Court would be easy. Family support office simply makes him get a blood test. If he refuses, its automatic. You only need to be in court. You may not need to say a word. In fact, neither of mothers of my 2 children have ever showed up in court. Its a difficult decision but you must do it for baby. Its not about you or him, just baby.

Answer 4

He has an obligation to the child you are carrying, not the children you already have. It sounds like the relationship continued even after you found out he was married. How is it possible to be with a man for over a year and not know he's married?

Why do you need him to call you? It sounds as though you are trying to continue the relationship. You have conceived a child with a married man and now you are facing the consequences.

Legally he has to pay a percentage of your medical bills and child support after the child is born. You are responsible for yourself and the children you already had. Stop having children you can't support. Stop screwing married men.

Answer 5

If you can prove that the newborn is his then yes
you can demand help but the only way is through
the courts. Time to think about the newborn and to
heck with anything else. You seem to have made
a few mistakes in your life and you need to get
yourself in order as you say you already have 2
kids; You need to get to really know a person be-
fore you jump in bed with that person. The way
you are going all you will be doing is raising kids
and that will get you less of a chance of getting a
man to help you because no man wants a woman
with a bunch of kids that is not his own. Good luck
and use the courts if you expect any help.

Answer 6

Are you wrong to expect help? No, foolish, yes. You're going to have to force the issue and you're going to have to prepare for the day when your child starts asking questions about why "daddy doesn't love me" and you are going to have to point out your role in all of it. What did you expect? If he is sleazy enough to sleep with you when he's got a wife and kids, did you expect him to suddenly become responsible and sensible once you were pregnant? Don't be surprised if you aren't the first--or last one. Why didn't you use protection? I can tell you that my husband makes around 80k a year and we're struggling with one child. It's not very much when you have a family let alone a mistress and she has a child. And you already had 2 children?! Maybe you should work on going to school or something and less on sleeping around and not using protection. Once is a mistake--three times is just plain stupid and sluttish!

Answer 7

Your best bet is to take matters to court. No matter what he says, if this is really his child & you can prove it by taking a DNA Test, then by law -he will have to pay for child support whether he likes it or not. Forget about his phone calls & making the effort to visit the child, from what your saying, he's not being sincere, especially when he didn't mention he's married with a family. You don't want to be with a man who is not man enough to face his responsibilites & not man enough to be faithful to his wife & family to begin with. He used you for sex & now there's consequences which he's trying to run from. A bastard like this is not worth stressing over. If your going to keep this child & you want his help. The only way is to report him to court, do it now while it's early, so by the time the baby is born, you will have the support you need.

Answer 8

Your first mistake was messing with a married man but that is done so what you need to do is go to free legal services and see if they can help you in getting child support etc he is LIABLE TO FINANCIALLY TO SUPPORT THAT BABY you will also be required and he by the court to take a dna test to determine if he is the babys father. I am sorry for your predicament because children are a gift he does not sound like too cool of a guy good luck sweetie and hang in there there is help available for you also check family services the baby has to be your main concern and that he or she gets the proper care etc Good luck!

Answer 9

Well, in a perfect world men would be allowed to sign away all paternal rights during pregnancy as a sort of figurative abortion. Then if the woman chooses to keep the child, she is choosing to be a single mother, but alas, it doesn't work that way. So, in this world, no you are not wrong to expect help from him. Sure, you slept with him, but as they say 'it takes two to tango.' So what if you mess up his relationship with his wife. It's not as if he wasn't one in the wrong as well. Take him to court or you know, respect the fact that he doesn't want that child and next time, don't get knocked up.

Answer 10

You already had two kids, so how would you expect a married guy to react to your getting another baby. You had ways of preventing this pregnancy, so he shouldn't feel sorry, and you should have stopped being with him once you found out he was married. There's no excuse for your destroying a marriage because of your negligence. Both of you need to pay the consequence for bring a child in such a situation.