my "stinkey" situation please please please help!!! i need answers!!!?

Question

i have this friend lets call her M. she smells like dead fishnot to be mean....... she wears the same pants everyday... you can tell she hasnt washed these pants in 4 weeks(litterally)! The rest of my friends and i had explained this to teachers a counsler and a nurse...they all say they will say somthing to her!!! Never happens! How can i tell her to take a shower with out hurting her feelings...we have slipped her wash cloths and soap in her bookbag so she wouldnt know it was us...but nothing.i would offer to give her some of my pants but she would get affended...so what should i do???

Answer 1

on her birthday,just give her a lot of clothes and stuff if it bothers u too much, or on any other occasion, if ure really good frends u should talk to her about it

Answer 2

Before I can answer this, I have to know, did she tell you that her pants had not been washed in 4 weeks? How do you know the teachers have not confronted her and her parents?

There are medical conditions that can cause body odor and there could be other things going on her life that prevent her from bathing or washing her clothes. If her problem is that her clothes have not been washed in 4 weeks, that is neglect. You need to notify your parents so that they can consult the school teachers and counselor. If the school fails to act, the next step would be to contact the local department of Children Services.

Do NOT continue to embarrass her with your offerings of soap or trying to tell her to take a shower. Do NOT invite her over for any sleep over just for the purpose of embarrassing her more with a 'makeover' or offer of a shower.

I wish you and more importantly, her all the best.

Answer 3

I have a friend with the same problem. She is very heavy, doesn't shower, evidentally, on a regular basis, wears no underwear which is obvious because some of her stretchy pants are pretty thin, and has a smell that could fell an elephant should it have the misfortune to be walking up steps behind her. She's been sent soap and stuff. Bosses have been asked to speak to her but haven't...all like what you've written. She has been my best friend for over 25 years now, and she's been there for me when it's really counted more times than I could tell you. Although I am still embarrassed for her due to her poor hygiene, the fact that she is one of the finest people I've ever known is ultimately more important to me. I'd say, look at this relationship. If she's a good person you can count on when it matters, maybe that's what you should focus on.

Answer 4

Oh my god, she close your nose that's being kinda of mean. I doubt she doesn't know. She doesn't need a nurse, teacher, counselor knowing this about her your going to embarrass her. Did you know that there is a problem out there that causes people to smell like that and there is nothing they can really do about it. They can take 100's of baths but it doesn't help. I had a girl in my class who sometimes smelled, and had dirty clothes but she was poor and couldn't wash her clothes or take baths as often. So look at it this way not only is she poor and has to deal with that, and not having washer and dryer or water and her parents not having money but then she has to go to school and get made fun of there all day. She spent most of the time crying in the bathroom or in the nurses office. You need to find another way to help that isn't so "I told everyone about her stinking and I am willing to buy her new pants...cause damn"

Answer 5

She is your friend so just casually say you smell you should wash those pants here Ill give you some of mine then she will get mad for a second and you say no Im serious Im trying to help you, -you cant smell it because you are used to it.

By the way I am someone who wears the same jeans everyday too but I wash them. I just dont really care what people think.

Answer 6

Maybe ask your health teacher to include a five-minute talk on girls "hygiene" during class. Juat ask her (hopefully your teacher is female) if there's any day this week she can fit in the brief talk on how girls should "take care of themselves." She can related it to the menstrual cycle and say girls have different needs than boys.

That way, ALL of you will be there and 1) you'll know she heard it and 2) since all the girls in your class will be there, your friend won't feel singled out or embarassed.

However, I have two even bigger concerns:
1) why doesn't your friend wash? Is she maybe depressed? Is there trouble in the home?
2) why doesn't her mom make her wash? She should.

Best, T

Answer 7

Sounds like you you need to team up with your friends (for moral support) and tell her personally. i am guessing by the way you type that you are a girl and so is she, just take her to the bathroom ( the useual private social meeting ground for females of all ages) and tell her nicely. make sure there is no one in the bathroom, the whole point of taking her in there is to not put her on the spot in front of everyone in public.

And when telling her try to be sincere, but not too sincere, you might come out looking like your being sarcastic and are just useing her as the butt of a joke.

If she does get mad at you though you may feel bad at the time but don't worry you had a good intension at heart. you are offering her the chance to not be a social outcast all through school and it is her fault if she dosn't take that chance.

Answer 8

It sounds like there may be more to this than you know about. The fact is that counselors and teachers CANNOT say anything to her. This is because it is brining up a child abuse (I assume you are in middle or high school) situation, and if the counselor or teacher is incorrect in their accusation, they can lose their job.

Honestly, there isn't much you CAN do. I have known some truly stinky people in my life, and no amount of complaining will make them wash themselves or their clothes. (My fiance's roommate was like your friend, and he actually had to spray his roommate with Febreze in his sleep!)

If you say something, you may lose a friend and embarrass her badly. It may also bring up something about her home life that you don't know about--abuse, neglect, or just poverty (and therefore no washing machine or only washing on certain, rare days). If you think this is the case, you SHOULD say something. If you think it is just laziness, let it go.

Answer 9

I had to talk with someone about this in the past and the very best approach is one on one alone with the person so that they are not overly embarrased by others being around and then start by saying you know you are a great friend, and sometimes TRUE friends have to be honest, because they care about you and your physical, mental, emotional, well being etc

then gently tell her about the hygiene and find out if it is due to financial issues, not having money for soap, deodorant, etc or if it is (as my friend's was) a depression issue...best wishes to you and your friend

Answer 10

Hmm... maybe you could invite her to sleep over, and when she's changed into her pajamas say, "Hey M., my mom is throwing in a load of wash, I just brought my stuff to her, want me to put your clothes in too?"

Another thing you could do is to give her some really nice shower goodies for her birthday or some other occasion. Mabe a basket filled with shower gels and a loofa?

If it's really just her pants that smell, it sounds like she might just be wicked lazy or her mother doesn't do her laundry for her. I'm really not sure what else you could do. Good luck!

Answer 11

You have to be very careful about these situations, because you don't want to hurt this person. Maybe you should start introducing her to cool perfumes or nice smelling deodorants, etc. Sometimes if you get someone hooked on a smell, they'll change their ways. Like have you ever smelled Tide with clothesline fresh softener in it? You definitely don't want to say you smell and should do something about it. Be nice and gentle. :)