We'd had ups and down, my industry (Real Estate) is struggling, jobs are not lasting. We could sell our house but she doesn't agree. She's very abusive (physically & verbally) with my kids and I. She has her good days and horrible days. She's been through a lot in life but it does not justify the way she treats us and controls us. I've been called everything but husband. I can't make a mistake or forget something because hell brakes loose, same with my kids. I feel like running away with my 4 & 11 year old sometimes to keep them away from their mother. The thing is...they are very happy kids and love their mother and I would hate to destroy that. I know what it feels not having a mother, mine pasted away when I was 4. I used to be a very happy man, now I feel I have this weight and feel depressed most of the time, especially before going home (I know she'll be in a bad mood.) Last August I asked to separate, she promised to get help and change, she cried a lot. She did not.
2007-03-12 14:03:18 · 13 answers · asked by cumeres 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave
just leave and file for divorce
2007-03-12 14:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry, you just need to be the man you are and ignore this terrible behavior, she needs to respect you but she won't, i found in life that when i respond to rude and miserable people it made their day-- they wanted to bring me down, first talk to a solid pastor, even if you just met him--he has sound advice. then, take all of your concerns to a professional counselor so everything is documented.
the children need both of you, but if she ever 'pulls anything' with a lawyer you will have documentation stating that you saw there was a problem and you sought to get help for your marriage. If she ever calms down; try telling her that she just might destory everything she has. If she truely harms you physically you really have to call the police, she is breaking the law. Meanwhile work out and stay heathy, go for walks w/ your children, get your rest, and eat right, don't get high blood pressure becasue of her or anyone. On the weekend take the kids to the Y or wherever, don't let her ruin everyone's day, she wants that power. God calls us to live in peace.
2007-03-12 21:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage sounds like with some intervention it will survive...partner marriage counseling would help...I really thing you running away from such a issue will set a worse example for the kids...I think they have their reservation about how their mom mis-behaves and to see you handle it by running away is not the example they need to learn...however, finding the right one that keeps the family together would provide a world of confidence in both their mother and father...good luck.
2007-03-12 21:11:49 · answer #3 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you put up with this for so long? She needs help. Encourage her to see a doctor for counseling or medication.
The children should not have to live like this. Neither should you but you fathered them, now take care of them.
Sit down and talk to her with parameters for the way the family lives. Let her know if she doesn't adhere to the parameters, she's out. You shouldn't have to move and readjust the children's lives. She can relocate and let them continue in their school with their friends. It will make the separation easier for the kids.
2007-03-12 21:09:01 · answer #4 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
suggest you two go thru counselling first. its difficult not having a home -- real home i mean, peace and quiet and happy. is she like this even before? if yes, congrats for surviving! if not, what were the changes that triggered this? she treats the kids this way too which is bad! dont go away first, seek help and talk more to each other (when you find her in the proper mood)!
2007-03-12 21:11:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She didn't change because you stayed. You asked permission to separate?!?! You really need couples counseling. She has some issues that she hasn't dealt with and is taking it out on all of you. A "good" mother wouldn't belittle her kids and it will eventually hurt them in the long run. It will be a vicious cycle repeated with your grandkids.
2007-03-12 21:08:46 · answer #6 · answered by J W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing...this is a serious matter. Your first priority is to stop all physical and mental abuse. Your first & foremost duty as a parent is to protect your children, even if it's from their parent. Physical abusers NEVER change & sadly children of abusers tend to become abusers themselves. Your family is in crisis & your relationship is over. See a therapist on your own if you can -- for your own sanity & to preserve your self-esteem. You owe it to you children to come to grips with this situation & remove them from all the negativity and potential danger in the least traumatic way possible. No one wants to grow up in a home like that. Good luck to you.
2007-03-12 21:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by napqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might need a little push I would file separation papers were she's the one who has to leave and let her know that until she gets help she is not to call or visit. Hopefully she will get the message and seek help if not get a divorce and move on and remember it's for your children as well as for you
2007-03-12 21:35:14 · answer #8 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray.
Support your family financially, stay away from home at a friends house for a week, but contact your kids everyday(let them know upfront what you are doing).
If your wife says the hell with you....then do what you gotta do.
Take the children with you...let her pay you support.
2007-03-12 21:22:36 · answer #9 · answered by xman77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is physically and verbally to both you and your kids and refuses to get help, you need to leave-with the kids. I honestly don't see how your kids could be very happy as you say in a situation such as you describe.
2007-03-12 21:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the problem lies within her, why don't u and her go to couples therapy, perhaps she needs some antidepressants, she sounds depressed and stressed, and doesn't know how to talk to u in the right way. we do teach people how to treat us by allowing it, tell her she has to go to therapy or else, if she won't u need to separate.
2007-03-12 21:37:45 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋