I am happily married to a man that I have been with 17 years. I love him. Period. I have never had an affair on him. He is very good to me and I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But, I have this problem. I have this goodlooking man that shows up alot, and I believe he is making it a point to be around me. I am 36 and he is 30. He is darn goodlooking and he is using his eyes and smile to flirt with me. I can't help but to think about him ....but I don't want to think about him! How do you STOP thinking of someone you don't want to think about but your mind WONT let you!!! I am NOT going to cheat on my husband ....but I'm afriad that this very thing is how affairs start. PLEASE help me. I need someone's help really bad. Tell me how to stop this nonsense!!!
2007-03-12 13:36:33 · 23 answers · asked by sugarbud 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clarify....he shows up around town (we live in a small town)- like at the grocery store, bank..etc.
2007-03-12 13:55:29 · update #1
Think about how your sweet husband would feel if you fooled around with this other man. Think of the sound his heart would make as it broke into pieces. Now hold that thought! And use that thought to help you be strong when you confront this man and tell him to stop messin with you. Tell him that you are flattered and all, but that you are happily married to a really great guy who you love and who loves you back.
Remind yourself that it's really freaking hard to find a good trustworthy guy like your husband who will stick with you for so long like he has.
And if your curiosity is wondering about whether or not the grass is greener over there... I can tell you from my own experience that 9/10 times it's really not. Many of the hottest guys are really crappy in bed. And many of them are no where near husband material like your husband probably is. So remind yourself that one night of lame sex is not worth losing your wonderful husband over.
If it's about desire and sex drive, then take those horny feelings that you have, go buy a sexy little lingerie number or something and pounce on your husband. Do little things here and there to freshen up your sex life with him. Go out dancing with him so you feel all romantic and remember why you married him in the first place.
Don't give in to that temptation. It really isn't worth it even though your "thing" is trying to convince you otherwise. Not only will you be very disappointed if you give in, but you will feel ashamed of yourself because you know you knew better. And it can hurt your healthy marraige because trust issues are one of the hardest things to fix in a relationship.
Stand by your man, and make it your mission to remind him why he married you. Serve him breakfast in bed naked. It'll be fun and exciting for both of you and it will lessen your urge to cheat. At a dinner party, grab him under the table and whisper naughty things to him so he has to squirm all through dinner because he can't wait to get you home. Try different things, get the passion and excitement back with your hubby. THAT will be worth the effort. =)
2007-03-12 14:05:08 · answer #1 · answered by pixysnot 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you truly love your Husband, then he is the one that needs to know what is going on, that guy is a predator, and out to hurt your marriage from the sounds of it. You are aware of the problem and are actively trying to avoid a breakup. Tell your husband this man is bothering you, you don't need to go into intimate details of all the ways he is bothering you though, there are some things a man doesn't really want to know, just that you respect him enough to enlist his help when it comes to a situation like this. He will be able to be the protector, he wants to be for you.
2007-03-12 14:08:55 · answer #2 · answered by darkpoet3000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember its not having what you want but wanting what you got. Your imagination is running wild with visions of grandeur, the possible excitement of a wild illegal sexual encounter to feel the feelings again of being wanted somewhat like what you felt when you first met your husband. In other words youre in love with the idea of being in love again. Thats all. Illicit affairs never turn out what they are first thought to be, but the human mind runs rampid with imagination and the perfect love affair, the perfect life, etc. Maturity distinguishes between reality and wild ideas. The very idea of a younger guy finding you attractive is a dream of many woman and is in fact very appealing but the truth is its not worth the outcome. So think of this as it really is; a figment of the imagination and leave it there. Good luck
2007-03-12 13:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go through with this, many things might happen. If you get caught, your hubby may or may not forgive you. If he does, there is a small light he once held for you that will go away forever, even if he forgives you. (My wife had an affair, it was painful in a MAJOR way and yes, I forgave her and we are still happily married, but a spark that was there won't ever be there again). You could end up pregnant, or with an std, you could end up divorced and alone and with neither man. And a track history of not being faithful. Its a huge burden to bear. Good luck.
2007-03-12 13:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you're assuming that this guy would actually be willing to have an affair with a married woman! Of course he IS a guy, so let's be honest! SURE HE WOULD! ha ha ha. My advice is get to know him. Find out how much a player he is. Chances are the more you get to know him, the less you'll like him. Until then, fantasize about him all you want! Your husband might benefit from it without even realizing why! All he'll know is that his wife is hornier than ever for some reason!
2007-03-12 13:46:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ouch... tough situation. You definitely don't want to be the first to lay your cards on the table. For him, it could be merely innocent flirtation which he has no intentions of taking any further (hey, it's possible!). If you were to call him out first, it could result in your ego suffering a mild bruise at the least, and a severe beating at the worst.
If your conversations with this man (assuming you even converse) take a turn down that road, just keep in mind what you've told us here: that you love your husband and plan on staying faithful to him.
2007-03-12 13:46:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are indeed lucky to have such a good husband, so u need to guard the heart, as temptation is all around us, comes sometimes in the form of smiles and good looks. we all are responsible for controlling our impulses, and choices. don't cross that line once u do your marriage will never feel the same, even if he doesn't find out. u know what u got, but do u know what your going to get. takes more than good looks to make a real man such as your husband. theres temptations around us every day, but we can control our urges, all we have to do is tell ourselves that there are consequences to every thing we do in life. would u want to jeopardize your marriage, for some good looking guy u really don't know who just lusts after u, but true love has little to do with lust. go with your conscience and what it is telling u to do and don't disobey it.
2007-03-12 13:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wh o is he?Shows up where?Your house?Tell him if he shows up at your house you'd rather him not show up unless your husband is there.If it's where you work and it's bussiness if it becomes a problem change jobs.When you think of this guy, think about what it will be like being divorced over a man who has no problem with wrecking a marriage.Have some strength for crying out loud you arent that weak.
2007-03-12 13:42:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One way to help is to think about the pain, misery and suffering you would bring to yourself, your husband, and your family if you let your guard down.
It's not a crime to think someone is good-looking, in fact I think its natural. But you have to discipline yourself to stop at that point, or you could end up throwing away a perfectly good life.
If that doesn't help, try to think of him doing something disgusting when you start being infatuated. It might help.
2007-03-12 13:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a trick set up by Satan to break up your marriage. Don't fall for it, woman. Satan is prowling like a lion. We are at the end times and he's prowling trying to get many people to sin before Jesus comes back.
You need to tell this man to leave u alone. Tell him you are married....tell him anything, but do not have anything to do with this man.
2007-03-12 13:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋