I dont want to make my parents ashamed!!?

Question

Thats why I cant come out my dad is already disapointed in me i dont play sports blah blah blah he just went off on me the other day by saying you dont like basketball,you dont like football your not into cars you dont like any thing regular boys your age like I just dont get you the rest of the day was not great i sorta cried my self to slep because I felt like a dissapointment to my father like im not the son he always wanted. He has no clue im bi amagine if I told him I was bi he would be extra heart broken how when why and should I came out. Im ill be 16 in 2 weeks ill graduate in 2009 should I wait until then to come out or now what do you think of my situation with my dad.

NEGATIVE IM DEF..... Bi sexual i still like girls alot you dont know me dont tell me im gay when i know im bi lol.

Answer 1

Your Dad needs time to adjust to this.Whenever a child tells a parent that they are gay or Bi.,the parents can be in shock and denial.As you were growing up I am sure your folks had in their minds how your life would be,now by telling them that things arent going to be like they thought,it is a huge shock and they will need just a little time to re-adjust and have new dreams for you.
So I think that when you feel the time is right then you can tell your Dad.

Answer 2

I think you need to step back and weigh the pros, cons, and consequences of telling him.

Worst case scenario is he throws you out of the house, you lose out on educational oppurtunities, and your life will become extremely difficult. Judging from his behavior now, and the fact that he's old school, this is a potential reality.

Best case is he suddenly becomes understanding about it and all is well.

You are the way you are, and that's fine, but you should realize that not everyone is understanding. You're 16, and still impressionable, so I don't know if going through such a life change at this time would be prudent.

Consider what could happen, and whether or not you are preapred for it.

Answer 3

You have to take these things slowly. There is no need to come out now. Sort things out in your own head first. I know it all seems so important and very dramatic right now, but take a deep breath and let things cool down.

After a while, once you've had the chance to look around and hopefully find others your age that are going through similar circumstances you can begin to approach your relationship with your father. But take some time for yourself first. Get your own house in order. Even if that takes a couple of years.

Take care of yourself.

Answer 4

You don t say you are gay, but that you are bi; so why shoud you break your parents heart when they would not understand at all and besides you can have relations with the females. He is not ashamed of you; maybe disappointed but not ashamed..not so far..but now, tell him you like sex with guys and I am willing to bet he will feel shame. Be bi if you want to be bi, but why does your dad need to know that anyways? Who would gain from it? Nobody. Dont listen to the goody two shoes who say you must tell him everything about you as you are. Would you not be crushed if your dad told you his every little sexual secrets?

Answer 5

I really encourage you to just focus on school for now, and then come out furiously happy. Seriously, there is a time for things-- and this isn't it for you. You need to finish school, and get into a good college or trade school.
Also--- the disappointing thing: You have it in reverse. He should be disappointed in himself for not creating a more open relationship with his own son. His comments make it clear that he knows you are not like him.... why isn't he opening his heart and sitting with you to talk about this. Pity.

Answer 6

You sound very hurt, and understandbly so. You have a lot going for yourself. You will know the right time to come out to your dad. A lot of times Dads take it harder with their sons than parents do with a daughter. Usually, they have so much expectation for a boy. To play football, be manly etc..

All you can do is be you. I would suggest finding someone you can confide in to get your feelings out. Even if it just on an anonymous site like this.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

I think that your sexuality has nothing to do with whether or not you like sports or other "boy" activities.
Your father seems set in his thoughts, and unless you start to play every sport available, he won't be happy.
I think that maybe you two should take the time to get to know each other, and possibly tell him what you're actually interested in.

But, personally, I wouldn't tell him about your sexuality at this point in time, unless you find it absolutely necessary.

I think that your father has to realize that not all males enjoy the stereotypical 'boy' activities.
That is something that is not your fault, and in no way should you feel guilty

Answer 8

NO! Just tell him now. Because if he finds out another way he is going to be even more heart broken. Wouldn't you be. Just say "Dad, look this may disapoint you but i am who i am and i am bi." Just tell him straight up. I think that it is the best way

Answer 9

Today's schools sometimes have guidance counselors who can help with these issues. You say you are "bi" but there is a good chance you are gay. That is who you are. Someday your dad will have to deal with it. At least you know who you are. Some men cannot deal with this and you will end up distant from him. Some can and you will be close. Good luck.

Answer 10

Theres no need to feel worried about it but it would be best to come out asap as it would help your dad get over the fact even though theres nothing wrong about it in the first place.