How do I get my husband to GET a JOB? I don't want to give him an ultimatum...kids involved.?

Question

I don't want to threaten to divorce him..I'd probably be worse off. I'd be even more financially broke, and I'd have to shoulder everything from bills to kids all alone. But I just don't get his reluctance. He has VERY low self esteem; he can't read well and is not educated much beyond a tenth grade level. He's convinced nobody would hire him; so there's no point in trying. His low self esteem and lack of ambition (or pride?) is causing me to lose what respect I had for him. I love him; but I can't respect himif he won't even TRY. Otherwise he's fine... he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke. is wonderful with kids, not physically or mentally abusive.....he just won't try to overcome his self esteem/pride issues and get a job. What the heck do I do? Due to recent health issues, I can't work for the next couple of months.

Answer 1

He needs to be provoked with words of kindness and understanding. Maybe a casual hint like maybe how much a little extra money would help, or maybe talking to some people you know. Maybe they could call and break the ice with a job offer. I'm not saying neurosurgery, but maybe he could help as an assistant of some sort, maybe a construction company moving some materials around, or another kind of labor that will at least help with the current situation you are in, and it may encourage him and make him realize he is not worthless or stupid. There are jobs out there for everyone, but if he feels they don't want him, he has serious issues with self worth. Would he ever agree to counselling? I wish you the best, but right now he probably needs words of encouragement, maybe he's upset about something and doesn't want to upset you, and thinks being dispondent with himself, and work is a better way of coping. Good luck, and make sure you throw some words of praise at him, and drop hints about the children's well being, and how much it would help if you just had a little more money to live off of. It just may do the trick. If not, the counseling may do the trick, if you can get him involved, may also work wonders. I wish you and your family the best. I know how tough it can be on one paycheck. I have 4 kids and my wifes been in the hospital for over three months now. If you are religious, prayers never hurt.

Answer 2

I ran into this problem with my first husband, we were young, and we are friends to this day. After he got out of the military he got depressed because of life I guess, I applied to jobs for him, I made up a resume of what his job experiences were and what he could do and I mailed them out, some heating and air conditioning companies do on the job training and obviously your husband did work and was a productive being at one time. My dad had an eight grade education and did not read well but he worked hard and sometimes that out ways the education part. Good luck. Do not let your marriage be ruined by some thing like this, remember "for good times and bad" and he's a great dad, how many kids can say that they even have a dad.

Answer 3

gee, i'm really sorry. he sounds like a nice guy otherwise doesn't he? but weak and very in-secure. does he believe in God? God says the man who doesn't take care of his family is worse than a non-believer and a man who won't work won't eat. Talk to him and tell him nicely that he can work anywhere, as long as it is honorable, it is respectable. He is probably over whelmed, thinking he has to be some big shot- can you circle some security jobs in the paper for him? he can be a security guard, i would be proud of my husband no matter what he ever did as long as it is moral and legal. Men want and need to be a success in their own eyes and their family's mind and he can be--he just needs to begin anywhere. how about a local market? or Wallmart? he could talk to other people while at work and see that thousands of others are in the same boat. At the end of the week he comes home with his salary and that means he is a contributing member of society. All men need to work. I wish you both the best!

Answer 4

Self-esteem or not, he needs to "man up" and do right by his family. The "nobody will hire me" is an excuse and not a reason to try. Anybody who as least tries can't be considered a failure. Adult GED classes are free at the local Y or community college, so that eliminates that excuse. Self-esteem will come when he is helping the family.

Answer 5

YOU married him the way he is. Now you want to change him? No wonder he has self esteem issues. I suggest going to either the unemployment offices or welfare and find out if there is any training he can possibly get that will give him an edge in the job market. Call social services to see if you can get him into a reading program. As for you...either you accept him as he is or leave.

Answer 6

look, you can't work, so someone has to get a job. and it needs to be him. so what if he can't read well? my husband grew up with a learning disability, and doesn't read well, either, but he has a good job because he WANTS to try to support a family.
has your husband EVER had a job? hell, even flipping burgers is better than nothing.
someone will hire him, he just has to get off his butt and go look. seems like he needs an ultimatum. it sounds like you are supporting the family anyway, so what does it matter if you seperate? tell him to get over his pity party, or you'll leave. you might love him, but the lack of respect wil push you two apart.

Answer 7

It is very difficult to get over depression and self-esteem. Recommend that he takes GED classes. Tell him that is the ticket to get out of the mess he's in. The people he will work with in GED classes will boost his self-esteem. They may know of people who can help him get a job. Networking is the key.

Don't divorce your husband, just because he is going thru a bad patch in life right now.

Answer 8

I am very sorry for you.
Very sorry.
Sorry.

You might want to suggest that he gets whatever job doesn't require a lot of skills that he lacks, and he learns new skills if he wants a better paying job in the future. This would even improve his self esteem!

Answer 9

You didn't mention what your husband does but here are some ideas:

Why don't you try a lawn-mowing business together? You mail out flyer's, place an ad in the newspaper which says:
"Responsible care for your lawn. Your tools, good rates". Find out what everyone else is charging and charge $5 less.

Another ad:,
"Responsible and caring person will feed and walk your dog".

Another ad: "Need help shopping or a lift to the doctor? Responsible helper for hire"

Another ad: "Need trash hauled away?"

Another ad: "Caring caregiver available, reasonable rates".

Then send him to school for his GED.

I hope this helps.

Answer 10

sounds like to me your husband is using his lack of education for just being down right lazy.......there are millions of people in the work force that lack education....tell your husband enough is enough get a job and stop with the lazy crap....my brother in law has been out of school since the 8th grade..He lacks education but ya know what he works hard everyday of his life in a factory making 12.50 an hour...not much but at least he works...don't need education to make things....get my point...tell him to go flip burgers or something...i as a working person don't want to pay for a able working body to sit home and say oh poor me i cant read....NO EXCUSE FOR BEING LAZY....