Wrote this song last night. Im only 15 so there could be sum mistakes. Its bout feelings i have for my ex. Do u rate the lyrics. Some advice plz
One Girl:
Walking down the street last night
When I came across a girl
She was a real nutter
With hair out of this world
Yet she caught me by surprise
I couldn’t sleep that night
I’m in over my head
Yes over my head
And I’m singing
There’s this one girl
And she dominates my world
Beautiful long blonde hair
Any excuse to stare
I wish could be mine
Oh all mine
She’s a touch immature at times
But man she is rather fine
Nice Body, Good personality
The whole package in one
Yeah, I’d stay up all night
Just to talk to her
And I’m singing
There’s this one girl
And she dominates my world
Beautiful long blonde hair
Any excuse to stare
I wish she could be mine
Oh all mine
(repeat chorus)
And as time comes to an end
I hope we are still friends
I’d hold your hand, sit next to you
You were the love of my life.
2007-03-12 13:07:05 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
Aside from "nutter", you do well with language. The originality is also good. Keep it up.
2007-03-12 13:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by mfg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Which one is the chorus? And the hook? Sorry, I'm just a sucker for song structure. It's got a lot of feeling but not too much until it sounds like you're a heartbroken crooner.
Yes, get rid of the word nutter and 'but man' part.
2007-03-12 23:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by Memyselfi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice Body, Good personality
The whole package in one
Yeah, I’d stay up all night
Just to talk to her
<==
Don't like that part, it doesn't got that ring to it, but other than that I'd say it's a great song
2007-03-12 20:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by new b-boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try switching the word nutter other than that is it awesome
2007-03-12 20:12:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋