im 20 im in love with my girlfriend of two years and she told me she wants to get marry with me when we both graduate college thats in 2 yrs. i love her and i do what to be with her but i have a one night stand with a friend of mine(i dont talk to that friend no more) it only happend once and im afraid if i tell her she wont forgive me. should i risk loosing her for ever and tell her the truth? after all it only happend once..
2007-03-12 12:02:26 · 19 answers · asked by superman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her, if she really loves you she will forgive you. But I will warn you, wheather you tell her or not, you have now made it a lot harder for you and your future wife, whoever she may be. By sleeping with someone before marriage wheather it is the future spouse or not, you have planted seeds of mistrust and suspicion. B/c you have done this you will have a hard time trusting her, and vise versa. Sorry for the bad news, but I just though it might help with future relationships and the current one you are in as well.
2007-03-12 12:18:51 · answer #1 · answered by emerys4christ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know people here will tell you that was a stupid thing to do, but just think about it, your conscience is really bothering you, because you cheated behind your girlfriends back, yes you need to tell her or else you will not know how much she does loves you.
If you don't tell her but she found out from other people, then what?? she will hate you forever, what if the two of you were married already and she found out, there goes pain, betrayal and she will ask you for a divorce. If you decide to tell her, make sure that you explain what happened, and don't patronize her by saying that its only one night stand and it wasn't a good sex. Remember sex is sex and it doesn't matter where and who your doing it. This is the time that you will know if the love that she have for you are stronger, don't lie to her just say it. And when and if she react after this,give her room to breath,don't force her to tell you if she forgive you or not because this will be shock to her and it will consume her,........good luck Bubba!!!
2007-03-12 19:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some say that if you have a one time affair with someone and never see them again then you should probably never say anything to anyone about it again.Everyone makes a mistake,but one mistake should be the rule here.If you do it again then shame on you forever.If you tell her it will probably break her heart and destroy the trust factor forever.Only your concience can really be your guide.Did you do it with malice?To get even?Or was it an uncontrolled moment that got out of hand?If you truly regret it and would never do it again and if the experiance has given you some insight as to how this could hurt you if it was done to you,then move on and never do it again.
2007-03-12 19:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by thomas c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DON"T TELL HER! Work on the relationship you have presently. No one change the past, so dont tell her. Continue your relationship and learn more of each other and grow with each other. Plan your wedding for after graduation, so at least one is gainfully employed. Half way between now and that wedding date, become "engaged". A short engagement never gives you enough insght as to how you two will be able to live with each other.
2007-03-12 19:21:16 · answer #4 · answered by zax_fl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell her, leave the past where it belongs - in the past. Some things are not meant to be dragged into the future with you. Decide for yourself if you can commit to a long-term relationship; if you feel that you can - let the sleeping dogs lie; call it a lesson learned, and move on. If you feel you cannot - you still don't need to tell her what happened in the past, just be honest and let her know you don't think you can handle committment at the moment.
2007-03-12 19:16:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to her the truth. She deserves to know and keeping it a secret will only hunt you and make you feel more guilty than you already do. Put yourself in her shoes...how would you feel if she was keeping something like this from you? If you really intend on marrying her and being with her for the rest of your lives you need to be honest and true from the get go. Good Luck!
2007-03-12 19:35:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most guilt ridden "cheaters" assuage their guilt by sharing with their partner and call it honesty and openness, which is a huge mistake. The question is basic, will her knowing enhance or destroy your relationship? If this was a repeat offense, a pattern, then tell her you must (but that also gets to a different issue, could you be faithful?). In AA they talk about making amends when possible, except when to do so will injure them or others-- I would heed this advice.
2007-03-12 19:17:43 · answer #7 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say probably don't tell. If it really means nothing to you and only happened once, you'd probably just hurt your spouse-to-be. BUT ... think honestly about why it happened, and whether it could happen again with another person, and if you can't get the answers you like, think again about the wedding. Good luck.
2007-03-12 19:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by David W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not going to contine the relationship with the other woman. Then don't say a word. The truth may set you free, but it may destroy the one you really love.
2007-03-12 19:36:47 · answer #9 · answered by levell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not volunteer the information. That will cause your lady pain .
However if asked you HAVE to tell the truth.
When she asks why didn't you tell me just say I was ashamed to.
Also unless she has a gun to your head do not give her any details - unless you want to hear about them for the rest of your life, just say I can't remember I was drunk.
2007-03-12 19:19:03 · answer #10 · answered by Axel M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋