Why do abused women often stay......?

Question

Why do abused women often stay......
Why do abused women often stay, rather than just flee the situation?
* I think fear

Answer 1

I'm not sure. My mother was severely abused by my father and she said that she just felt like she needed to stay. I'm glad she did because that was before I was born and he changed and is a better man today because of it. I'm not saying that an abusive man will change I'm just saying that they can. And often if the women is really in love with them then she sees who he could be, not who he is.
p.s. I came from an abusive family but my husband is not.

Answer 2

Having been in this situation I hope I can give you some insight. You stay because you love him and he promises he will change and never do it again. You believe him because what he promises is how you want it to be. You do eventually wake up but sometimes it takes a while to get to that point. By then the love has been replaced by a lack of respect and sometimes you even feel sorry for them. You want so much for them to be the person you thought they were. Unfortunately, they seldom can be. You move on and remember the good and try to forget the bad. If you have children, you tell yourself you are staying for their sake until it becomes obvious that their well being depends on you really putting them first and getting them out of a bad situation.
Fear usually has little to do with it because you believe it won't happen again until something happens that sets him off and still you want to believe until finally one time becomes the last time. You know you either have to break away or be broken.
Just another little FYI - although the abuser was often abused that is not always the case. More likely, spoiled and used to always having things his way or no way.
I could go on but even now its painful to look back so I will just wish you luck and strength.

Answer 3

this is a very big question, and it has been discussed a lot lately. the first step to understanding this is not to be judgemenatl. although we can all scream she is tupid to stay and that she should run, we cannot know why she stays. some reason are econimical, maybe she has no money other than the abuser's, no family to go to, maybe she is just afraid that he would find her and make matters worse, maybe she stays thinking of her children.... each woman is not the same, so nobody can say for sure. the best thing outsiders can do is camapaign to let all the women know that this behaviour is never acceptable, that the only thing to do is run away and that he won't change. the other thing that can be done is setting up shelters and working with the police and the local community

Answer 4

fear is part of the reason: some are afraid the abuser will use more violence or fear of being alone, the abuser has convinced them that they are worthless and no man could possibly love them. I think most of these women stay because they grew up in an unstable home so the instability of an abusive relationship is "normal" to them. Even if they do eventually get out of one abusive relationship they will typically find themselves in another. Its a pattern.

Answer 5

Well, I could go into detail after detail from my personally experience but I won't do that.

As a former battered wife these are my answers:
1.) I truly did love him
2. ) Psychologically he had me believing that no one else would ever want me
3.)When I would leave he would find me ( he actually beat me in front of a judge in public)
4.) I didn't have the financial mean to just up and leave
5.) I didn't want to be homeless (he was the one that took me off the streets when I had no where to go )
6.)Obligation as a wife to stay and keep my marriage vows.
7.) And yes fear that he would kill me
There are more reasons but , these are a few. Other women give different reasons.

I hope this helps you to understand.

Answer 6

What I learned about manipulation.

The relationship starts off with the abuser being very kind, generous, and providing safe environment. A strong 'bond' of trust is established.

Then the abuser will take slow and deliberate baby steps into abusing. They are so minor, that the abusee doesn't realize 'danger' signs. It's like when we watch slasher movies (Friday 13th). We spectators hear the "noise" and instantly are 'get out --- get out'. Ah, we didn't get the pre-conditioning. It's also here where the abuser will slowly get them to do something bad which makes them 'culpable' to the abuse; taking blame off abuser and placing on abusee.

Time rolls on. Eventually, the good times of happiness and praises are all gone, and the abusee doesn't recognize what happiness and hope are. Add to this the reverse blame (it's your fault that I abuse you), and they're trapped in fear.

Biggest isolator is that their friends and family are screaming, "Get out" ... "Save yourself" ... and they try, but the abuser lures them back in. Over time, friends and family disapear because they only hear the abusee yelling "Wolf". Eventually the abusee is completly isolated and at the mercy of the abuser.

Answer 7

first off they are looking for love in wrong places, so where ever they find it they'll jump on the wagon. second, the person might be the only person they know so leaving the man, to them, means they've got nowhere to go, which is not at all true. third, they're best friend(s) or very close family members might have told them to leave, but since they wanted to be hard-headed, they didn't, so now they will be ashamed and regret not listening. fourth, they might be seen in society as a strong woman and everything is going great when really....... And finally, the man might be so violent that the only choice they have is to stay and die, eventually, or leave and risk being killed by the guy.
hope this helps :)

Answer 8

They still love their abuser, and hope they will change there ways. Maybe they fear no-one will believe them, or look down on them. Victims often have such broken self asteem, that they refuse to do anything. It's terrible.

READ THIS:
Just to boot though, MORE than half of all domestic violence is perpetrated by women against men, if I was a male victim, I would find this one sided viewpoint quite offensive. A very good question though.

Answer 9

It could be amotional attachment to the abuser, they feel they cannot live a second without that person (i.e. husband or boy friend).

Also, the abuser might be good at emotional manipulation, like apologizing after a few seconds, showing love and remorse for his actions, only to stike again after sometime.

I feel pitty and sorry for the Abused and the Abuser.

And if we look into the history of the abuser, you will see that they have been abused over and over again in their early years, innocent childhood.

Answer 10

There are hundreds of reasons, think of it this way. The relationship with the abuser is like sitting in a pot of cool water with a fire lit underneath. The water gets warmer and warmer it feels good and then it starts to get too warm, then it starts to burn suddenly it's too hot and she either jumps out or dies. Sometimes that's how you have to look at it.