This is actually my husband's niece - she is 11 years old and has never had a very good role model in life. Her mother had her when she was 16 and she has never offered her anything but food and anger. Her mother seems to think that children need no advice or love, and she's always put the men in her life (quite a few of them) before her kids (there are also two younger boys). My niece sees this - her mom is never happy and alienates everyone until she finds a man. And even then, she's only happy when he's around and she gives him every bit of her attention. So the problem is that my niece is now obsessed with boys, and she's just told me that she's "in love" with her mom's latest boyfriend. Her mom has been with this guy for probably 4-6 months and moved in with him after about two weeks of dating, taking her two boys with her. My niece lives with her grandma - who's pretty much raised her anyway - which is a little better than living with her mom. What should I tell her?
2007-03-12 10:26:48 · 14 answers · asked by Shawna Q 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell her to stay with grandma....
Tell her to be a child and forget about boys for now..... plenty of time for that later.
2007-03-12 10:31:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
crushes do start to develop at that time so in theroy this is sortive nomal. This man is probly nice to her and so she is getting her feeling mixed up. Maybe this is the first father figure she has experienced and she could be confused as to the feeling shes having.
The mother, needs to have a good talking too about bringing men around her child, (bad things can happen)
For the child's sake try to talk to her as a friend, encourge school and friends rather than boys.
Thats about all you can do, until the mother changes, sounds like she's headed in the same footsteps as her mom, hard situation, just try to reinforce the positive.
I would definately tell grandma so she is aware.
2007-03-12 17:34:17 · answer #2 · answered by 2shay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could possibly be "in love" with him in a different way but just doesn't know the correct way of saying it since she's only eleven years old but that's only if he's a good person. If you think he's not a good person, find out if he could possibly be flirting with her. But at the end after you rule out everything, you may need to sit down with her and explain how this is a wrong way to feel about an older man. Also it may be time to give her the "birds and the bees" talk.
Hope that helps you....Good Luck!!!!
2007-03-12 17:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by su-su07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, at least you see the pattern. Better than her growing up with nobody who notices anything. Maybe you should just spend more time with her take her out once in awhile.
When I was a teenager I lived in a very freaky situation, lots of unconsciousness going on with the folks. From time to time someone would get to know the family, see that things weren't right, and would take the kids out to do something. If anything, it just gets them out of that one environment so they don't spend as much time there.
Sometimes directly opposing situations just strengthens them. Mom might even be happy that you take her off her hands for awhile.
Don't go lecturing her on how to live life, because it could backfire.
2007-03-12 17:32:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems pretty normal to me. She sees something in him that she wants in the future. Little girls are always falling in love with older men. It is natural.
Support her and give her plenty of advice about men.
Since this guy is probably a loser, keep tabs on everything that happens and let her know why.
Point out the men you think are good, and let her know why.
Her preferences will change like the weather, and it will be because you are showing her what each type is like.
2007-03-12 17:34:21 · answer #5 · answered by Menga M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yor neice is better off with her grandmother than this poor excuse for a "mother", Just tell her she doesn't want to end up like her mother having a baby at the age of 16, and then being a crappy mother because she resents the kid because of her (mothers) mistakes.
2007-03-12 17:31:58 · answer #6 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's looking for someone to be a father figure..more than likely she will grow up to date older men and will always be looking for someone to take care of her and love her like a father would (but as a boyfriend)...i suggest getting the girl therapy with her mother.
2007-03-12 17:33:43 · answer #7 · answered by mirageoflove34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gently point out that her mother's track record sucks and any man that makes mom's list as good should make her list of what not to look for in a love interest.
2007-03-12 17:31:03 · answer #8 · answered by NakasEvilTwin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poor little girl needs therapy. She could become promiscuous if she is obsessed with boys and men already. It is very unhealthy for her to be around her mother's boyfriend if this is how she feels.
2007-03-12 17:30:02 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that your niece get as far away from her mother as possible. Her mom sounds like my mom, unfortunatley, and getting away was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself.
2007-03-12 17:30:16 · answer #10 · answered by Mynx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you tell her that she is to young to have a boyfriend! Tell her that boys come later in life and you only get to be young once, so live it up! Tell her that it is okay to be in love with her mom's boyfriend, But always remember that your mom is your mom and he may not be around forever like your mom will be. I hope this helps!
Good Luck!
2007-03-12 17:32:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋