it happened 11 years ago......how do you forgive that........we have been married 28 years......i cant seem to get it out of my mind
2007-03-12 09:45:46 · 21 answers · asked by m&m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thats such a bastard thing to do. I'm sorry if he didn;t have the blls to admit that11 years ago, he was probably hoping that time would heal wounds. I'm not so forgiving whn it comes to cheaters and liars, because i've learned that you excuse their bad behavior and it opens the flood gates for more since they know you;d just forgive them anyway. I say if it bothers you then don;t be afraid to take time away from your marriage, or to seek counseling, let him now that this type of dishonesty weighs heavy on your heart and he needs to earn your trust back for anything to work out. I let him come back knowing i didn't forget what he did and it hasn't been very good, sure he stopped cheating but i am miserable day in and out knowing that if he coul do it with a friend that i'm SOL when it comes to strangers. Needless to say i decided my sanity was more important than our relationship and i left.
2007-03-12 10:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by LoveLeighe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not blame you! Your TRUST has been shattered and it will never, ever be the same. It's like fixing a broken vase with contact cement! It looks solid once again but the crack lines will show and never go away. So, how can you really be sure that it only happened once? What guarantees do you have that it will never happened again? What will go through your mind in the future if he ever shows up late or doesn't show up at all? How would he had felt if you had been the one that broke the promise of faithfulness? Have you ever posed this question to him? A broken trust is hard to erase and it will never be erased. You should weigh heavily what other positive assets exists in this relationship and then seriously consider if it is worth it to go on with this forever nagging doubt or end it, while you still have some time left!
2007-03-12 10:31:34 · answer #2 · answered by Sabelotodo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would want to know why he j=is just now telling you. There must have been a reason as to why he is telling you and have you thought back to see what would have made him cheat? I would forgive him and be cautious because he waited so long to tell you, it must had been eating at him to tell you. I wish you good luck and I hope that everything works out. Maybe the two of you should go out to a resturant with a quite table and talk about it.
2007-03-12 09:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by firecrackertx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What we have to ask him is this - WHY bring it up after all this time? What is his purpose for bringing that up now? To have you suffer because his guilt has made him suffer for a number of years (and misery loves company)? My suggestion is that you go to the library and rent or buy the book I have listed below. BOTH of you need to read it, as it shows the "he said, she said" perspectives very clearly of what happened in their marriage, why, and how each reacted to the situation. It will hit your hubby right between the eyes, and he will see the incredible damage that he has caused - both before, during, and now after the infidelity.
Please allow the healing to take it's course and get counseling - do try and keep your marriage together.
031207 3:54
2007-03-12 10:10:29 · answer #4 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife had an affair, and it never does leave your mind. The natural response is intense curiosity about what exactly happened...was it fun, did they enjoy it, and so on. Time passes, you accept this incident as a part of your marriage and life and you just take one step forward, then the next, and so on. My question would be....why did he tell you now? That's the real issue, and something that needs to be discussed.
2007-03-12 09:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by Paul 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would get over it, if so much time had passed and focus on my marriage, and not on the past. has nothing to do with now. we have to be careful about our thoughts, and perceptions about things, the result in not forgiving is we will harbor resentments, hold onto bad memories, just don't allow the past to define what u have now. so stay in the positive , talk it out with him, u may have chosen to stuff it deep inside u rather than dealing with it, so now its still there causing u pain.
2007-03-12 09:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'd question why he even told me when it happened 11 years ago. What WAS he thinking to tell you now? Assuming you are not going to bail, hon, you for sure, and he and you together maybe, need a few sessions of counseling.... good luck, hon.
2007-03-12 09:49:36 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one,,, I dont know what I would do,,, I guess really just sit down and talk about why it happened,, and why did it come out now,,, and if you cant get past the hurt,,, leave,, sad to say,,, seeing how you have been married 28yrs, you might beable to get past it if you really want to. best of luck
2007-03-12 10:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me it never will. It will be something that will always be on your mind. It something that happended that may have hurt you and instead of dealing with it you just pushed it off as believing him it will never happen again. Question is do you think it has happened again.
2007-03-12 10:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did it just now come up? Did something happen? Do you think you can trust him again? Only you can answer this everyone is different.
2007-03-12 09:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋