Should one forgive and forget ?

Question

Personally I think one should forgive but not forget. What are your thoughts ? Is it better to forget our past or to remember it ?

For a long time I thought it was better to forgive and forget. But now I have doubts about that. I feel that one should forgive but not forget things. Memories are the things that we learn from. If we forget the incidents and events, would it be possible to learn lessons from them ?

I believe it is possible to forgive without forgetting. There are ways of achieving closure that will make you come to terms with incidents. But I am not sure whether forgetting is a good idea. It may not be possible to forget every experience but I think it is possible to forget some, or at least people may try to. If you forgive then I think it should not be very difficult to deal with the memories, even if you remember them. But it seems to me that forgetting something may take away some of the lessons learned too, with it.
Why is it that in psychotherapy people are often made to remember forgotten past events. Once those are remembered and dealt with, many problems may be resolved. But if you don't remember them, that will do you no good.

Answer 1

It depends on what you are expected to forgive and what you are expected to forget and how serious each misdemeanour is.

Answer 2

I think it's impossible to forget something that has made an impact, whether it be good or bad, so that is out of our control. I believe that forgiving is good, but not always easy...and if you forgive someone, does that mean you're NEVER allowed to mention it again!? Or is that what's actually meant by "forgetting".

In my book, forgiving means allowing someone back into my life as my friend/lover etc, after they've done something wrong to me. By forgiving them, they've been lucky enough not to lose my friendship/love...but I'm not going to let them have it easy, and at times, the "crime" will be mentioned, and they will have to live with knowing what they did was wrong, and knowing that I haven't "forgotten" about it. Who are you doing a favour for by forgiving and forgetting? Them, I think, because as I said, forgetting is actually impossible, so you'll infact be pretending to forget, just to make them happy!? Why would you want to make them happy if they'd wronged you in the first place!?

Answer 3

There's no such rule. We are all individuals, with different heartaches and pains that we carry. Only we know how we have suffered. So we can't make a rule I feel. It's up to the person, and their choice. They will be the one bearing the consequences as well. So one needs to take responsibility for their choices. Eitherways, I feel it isn't something *intentional* always, if we can't forget or forgive. It's just something that stays with us and we can't let go of. To develop compassion & forgive n forget would be ideal, but how many people are actually able to do that? I would like to do that, but sometimes I cannot. But I rather have genuine anger, than fake love. I just want to live an honest life.

Answer 4

You needn't forgive nor forget.
It isn't a requirement to do either.

If you feel the desire to forgive, by all means do so, however, it is not essential to having a happy heart and moving on. Forgiveness should not be used as prescriptive advice for others as a panacea for pain. Some people need very much to know it's alright not to forgive. It is by no means a magic pill.

You cannot forget the past, barring amnesia or mental blocks. It is part of you and if you "forget" you also forget a bit of yourself. We are all products of our experiences!

And trying to forget leads to a great deal of self-medication.

Answer 5

It depends on what happened and how the other person feels. If the other person did something, like say something rude or something like that, and really is sorry then i will forgive and eventually forget. If they did something a little worse, but they were still sorry i would forgive but never forget. Or if they did something terrible and they weren't sorry, or even if they were, but they consciously did it it would take me a while to forgive if i ever do, but there is no chance i would forget.

Answer 6

Well that depends. If it was just some petty little thing between your friend and yourself, then you should forgive and forget. Now, if it was something more serious like a reallly bad personal comment, then in time to come, you could forgive, but possibly not forget, unless you can really trust that person.

Answer 7

i think that you really should forgive because if there is no forgiving then you can lose that someone that you really dont' want to lose. it will take time to heal yourself from something that was done wrong. things many not be the same between the two people but things can mend.
with forgettin gthere is no way that someone can forget something in the past it will always be there. if ever, have a memory loss it still can come back someday to haunt you. it's lifes leasson. what can u really do?

Answer 8

U may forgive but u never forget @ least i don't forget it anyways. People should never hold a grudge otherwise it will eat away at u from the inside out, until there is nothing left apart from hatred.

Answer 9

I agree with you, forgiving is one of the best things we can do, forgetting very rarely helps us. If I've ever had cause to forgive, I know I've never forgotten. I try to get over things quickly and would not bring up the 'thing' over and over again but like you say, mistakes are there to be learnt from, not forgotten.

Answer 10

By all means forgive but don't forget. Those who forget the past are condemned to not benefit from the lessons learned.

Answer 11

It sounds good to say "forgive and forget". But it is very difficult to forgive and forget. And it also depends on what issue you have to forgive and forget. There are things in my life I cannot forgive and forget, but there are many things I've forgotten, and moved on.