My partner of one year just called me to tell me that his friend X is losing his job. X brags he has 7K in the bank for just such a rainy day. X has a history of taking advantage of my partner's generosity. As a result, I cannot stand the guy. X says b/c of losing his job, he and his partner and their dog may need to stay with us for a few days as their lease is up soon. My partner called to tell me this and I just lost it. I feel that X needs to act like the 32 year old he is and get on with his life rather than trying to move in with us for an unspecified amount of time until he is, "back on his feet." His partner is a doctor by the way and X has no debt beyond a car note.
Plus, like the lease ending is a shock?
So now I'm mad at my partner for his naivety & he's mad at me for my lack of charity. Does anyone else think this situation is insane? AM I justified in being pi**ed off that M is assuming we will just agree to let him stay with us? Remember the 7K savings!!
2007-03-12 09:34:59 · 12 answers · asked by mufflerbearings1967 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Rock on Linda P!
To answer your question, no we're not loaded. We have a nice home and a modest suburban humdrum life. We both have CC debt that we're working on from our reckless days. X and the doctor have no debt beyond a car note and some of the docs school bills. More importantly, they have SAVINGS!!! I'm wiped out after paying down bills and incurring various household expenses... With the exception of home ownership, they are in a better position than we are right now.
I want to ask them what the hell their plan was when the lease expired if X still had his job. As it stands, apparently they would still be homeless... Gah!!
If they needed a place to stay while a new apartment was being painted or something I'd be all over it and willing to help, but I don't trust this "I don't have a plan" situation one bit and I resent that X thinks this is OK to ask given his history of taking advantage.
2007-03-12 09:58:16 · update #1
Please, you have every right to be pissed off. Your so right about the lease, he's known for months. I would tell him to go to the bank take out some of the 7K and grow the****up! He sounds like somewhat of a baby, your not his mommy so don't act like you are. The doctor was going to move in too? Are you loaded? These guys have money so why can't they find a place to live? Isn't it horrible when so-called friends put you on the spot like this, all of sudden your the bad guy! You didn't do anything. Speak up and tell them where to go. Motel 6--They leave the light on for you.
2007-03-12 09:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by SusiQ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I can understand helping out a friend in need, unless there is a case where he needs a place 'for a couple of days' until he gets into his new place, I completely agree with your reaction. Given, his friend has his rainy day savings and his partner is a doctor, I can't see ANY reason they need any 'charity' right now.
I understand how your partner just wants to help, but it is YOUR decision too and if he already agreed without your permission, that's very unfair to you. No - you're not wrong to say no.
Now that your partner has said yes - you have 2 choices. Your can stand your ground with your partner, by letting him know that your answer is NO, and you can both try to figure out an excuse as to why it's 'not possible at this time' OR you can allow it and just hope for the best ...
Good Luck!
2007-03-12 17:00:24 · answer #2 · answered by Plexed 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like Walter Kerr once said "“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” Which are you?
Your right the lease ending shouldn't be a surprise to them. Instead of asking you why you aren't so charitable, your partner should be asking why they didn't start searching for a new place before the lease ran up. Ask what they would do if you weren't there to take them in, then suggest that thats what they do. Instead of helping them by taking them in rather offer to help them find a new place that in there price range. Maybe your partner should test the waters because A friend would understand a "No, I'm sorry" so test the waters. If worse comes to worse agree to say No they can't live there. But at the last minute if they can't find a place help them out, but don't tell your partner that cause she might just say yes.
2007-03-12 16:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by tehsuxs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When friends move in, in my experience, believe me the friendship will be short lived. Not only are they in your space all the time, so you may see somethings or experience some things that piss you off, but you see them for who they really are, and as they invade your space you realize you don't need friends that bad, or the aggravation. lol but anyway, our friend asked us to move in a while back, claiming he'll get a new job paying good, money, meanwhile, having no savings, and a few bills. How long do you really think he would have to stay with us until he had enough money to live on his own? exactly, he would have been there for at least a year, and we would end up hating him. So we said no, but we're all still as tight as ever. A real friend will just have to underdstand that this is your space and as much as you care for them, you can't allow them to enfringe upon you clear mind set and lifestyle right now.
2007-03-12 16:43:18 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. X is using your partner. Unfortunately, your partner doesn't seem to mind, so you are probably stuck with this new situation. Try to get a definate 'move out' date. Be careful not to make X & his partner too welcome. They are not house guests, don't treat them as such. Give them as little space as possible to stay in (smallest extra bedroom or no bedroom at all). Don't wait on them! Don't do their laundry! Don't buy their preferred beverages, foods, etc. Tell them you expect them to keep house, cook etc (since they're not working), Don't let them leave their stuff out around the house, it makes it homier. Can you put them in the room without a cable TV hookup, or phone, farthest away from the restroom, in the noisiest area? The less comfortable you make their time with you, the sooner they will look for their own place.
2007-03-12 16:51:27 · answer #5 · answered by J M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
.I would say if X has that much money in the bank and his roommate is a doctor what is their problem? Now, some may be stupid but it sounds like they are lying and taking advantage of you two. Of course trying to change your partner mind will be something else as he believes them. My guess is these 2 aren't who they say they are and you need to prove that, not by words but doing a little homework.
2007-03-12 16:52:31 · answer #6 · answered by nicolejane68 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, that it seems to be totally unnecessary for them to move in with you, but if it's really important to your partner and you're okay with compromising, maybe allow them to move in, but only for a specified amount of time. But if you don't think they'll abide by the time limit, I'd say it's best to talk to your partner about your reasons for not wanting them there, and try to get him to come around to your way of thinking.
2007-03-12 16:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by a heart so big 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats allc onfusing in a way, but in a way, I would be pissed off also. In a way, you dont want to be mean, and than also in another way, it sounds like you hate X, and so I, myself (from what Ive read) would probably tell him its not a good idea living with you.
sorry if neones mad at this answer, everyone has there own opinion.
2007-03-12 16:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by heidi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not let him move in I would let him stay for up to a specific amount of days to be "charitable" ever heard the expression fish and company stink after three days? Don't let him move in only stay.
2007-03-12 16:40:32 · answer #9 · answered by Dennis G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it is never a good idea to let someone stay for a while . the while seems to last and last and as long as X is getting a free hand out why should X move. .
2007-03-12 16:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by Rainy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋