My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we are expecting our first child. When I say we don't plan on getting married, people always reply "oh your poor baby" and things like that. Why, I don't get it? Is my child any less loved for her parents not being married? Is she going to suffer some how? Do not say she will feel different because many kids come from unwed families. We plan on being together forever and if we are does it matter that we are not married. I believe a home is built on love and we have that. We act "married" we just don't have the piece of paper. Please don't say we are living in sin either, because I will bet 90% of the poeple who say that had sex before marriage.
BTW we are not married because I would rather elope and he doesn't like that idea, but I won't spend a ton of money on a wedding. Also, neither of us like the idea that if we are married we have to pay more in taxes. I guess we are kind of fighting a small battle with the system.
2007-03-12 09:32:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I agree fully with you. Marriage really doesn't mean anything. Literally, it mean nothing. People who say "you poor baby" are probably people who still feel like one of their major goals in life is to "snag that man." If they aren't married they don't feel like they have done that. Like you said, you two love each other and are going to be together forever so what does the marriage license mean? Anyone who says that your kid will feel strange is a damn liar because as long as you 2 are together what is there to feel strange about. The kid might feel strange he/she only say one parent but that's not the case here. Sex before marriage? Like you said it's EXTREMELY common. What people are criticizing you for is that you are having sex not before marriage but without the intention of marriage. For some reason they think that as long as marriage is coming it's ok to do it before hand. Yeah right. I don't remember seeing that one in the Bible and if God is the reasoning behind what they are saying then they are just as "guilty" as you are. Besides you have some pretty solid reason for not getting married (I never thought of the tax thing. I'm gonna have to think about that one). I say keep enjoying each others company and don't stress the relationship by doing something that you don't want to (like breaking the bank) just so you can be married. Good Luck with everything.
2007-03-12 09:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Vince R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you are not against marriage itself, so the neighsayers be damned. (Just kidding neighsayers)...but really. I am married, and I love it. But I do not think it is necessary. I think the point is, outside of religious mumbo jumbo, that marriage is a commitment to each other. A contract, if you will with your partner to stick by each others side. But like you said, that is a piece of paper. And why get that piece of paper if you dont mean it in the first place? Sounds like you mean it, so you dont need to paper to tell you that you mean it. Maybe I am not making sense.
Perhaps the real concern is that marriage is a traditional family value in most cultures. For the parents not to be married, makes it too easy (or easier) for the parents to split up if things go south, and that is really what most people are probably concerned about, for the sake of the child.
2007-03-12 09:40:05 · answer #2 · answered by C. A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it matters. If you love each other as you say you do, then that IS all that matters. And I think people that act as if your child will be less loved need to keep their mouths shut and pay attention to the things flawed in their own lives. I grew up without my father because he is worthless and left my mom before I was born. To me, I think it is more important that the child know both parents and know they are loved by both of them than whether or not the parents are together or not, let alone married or not. There are thousands of kids out there not even lucky enough to know both parents, or have both of them around. Love should be the focus, not title. I agree with you completely and don't think it should be a big deal at all.
2007-03-12 09:45:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No big deal, at all. Celebrities Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandan have both been with their men for many, many years--and have not married them. There is not much difference in having that piece of paper, or not--as long as you are in love, will stay together and love your baby.
In later years, you may want the benefits of marriage--for instance as far as pensions, and that sort of thing is concerned. Be sure to make wills naming each other as beneficiaries--or either of your families could take anything the survivor has left, or the child.
I wish you, your man, and the new baby much happiness :)
2007-03-12 12:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people need to mind their business - so many people have kids from different men and they don't get as much grief as people who are still with the baby daddy and happy - Marriage is just a piece of paper and relationship is the mentality part and if you are committed who cares what others think
2007-03-12 09:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by ice_princess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't matter to you, but what will it mean to the child when it is in school and the mommy is named smith and daddy jones. children can be cruel, believe me. my first wife and i were married only 5 months when our first child was born. we were married, but my daughter eventually realized she was born four months to soon. so did the other kids at school (after she told her "best friend") it brought her many years of heartache, until she realized that we loved her and sometimes this happens. when children are a part of your life, you need to realize they come first, then you can decide how you feel about it.
2007-03-12 09:43:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
most people just think of it as being 'proper' to be married before having kids. they might think the baby will be affected by this.
2007-03-12 09:38:13 · answer #7 · answered by i ♥ u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy,the world is always going to have a opinion. Stand up for yours!
2007-03-12 10:07:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of society say, YOU MUST MARRY, OR CHILD WILL BE STYMATISED!!!
Though some of us are more enlightened... And we say, GOOD FOR YOU BOTH AND HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY AND HEALTHY TOGETHER!!! :D
2007-03-12 09:36:17 · answer #9 · answered by Forlorn Hope - returned 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think its a big deal as long as he doesnt leave you alone with that child!
2007-03-12 09:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Brenda♥ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋