My fiance is in jail at the moment and i been with him for over year now. He went in 5 months ago and i have recently been sleeping with this other guy , but i really love my fiance . i get so confused about us, especially since he did not write me for a month. I don't know if i should end it, or tell him, or stay with him and keep my mouth shut about my affair. I need some advice!
2007-03-12 09:31:36 · 51 answers · asked by phantasmal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Look he is in for 15 years and it is been hard to deal with i felt like i was taking out vengece on him for making such a stupid mistake like i said i love him we are very connected to eachother it has been difficult finding out that he got alot of time esspecially because he was only getting 5 to start then he got attemptive murder while in county for trying to deffend himself and anyone who understands jail knows that **** is tough in there so i am not upset with his choice to fight back just the fact that he took it too far and now i am confused and i took out frustration in the wrong way i understand i just want to know is it better if i wait to tell him because he is already depressed that hes going to be 40 by the time he can walk freely again.
2007-03-15 12:07:54 · update #1
HAVE FUN live your life do what makes you happy at least until he gets out
2007-03-12 09:38:35 · answer #1 · answered by Fergie 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Okay think about the beginning of your sentence "My Fiance's in Jail" Now logically think of how this is a good situation for you. I've known load of people who have gotten into relationships with men who have gone off to jail and have tried to maintain a relationship. If he has been in Jail for 5 out of the 7 months you have been together there is no relationship there except for infatuation and a lot of talk. Now also ask yourself why are you engaged to this guy, what were the circumstances in which you decided to marry him and when did he ask you. If it was through a jail house letter telling you how much he loves you and all the good things he going to do when he gets out and all the better your relationship will be once he's home. Pish posh, every jail bird has copied this letter from the toilet paper stuck to the wall next to the toilet. Find you a man who is worth something because believe it or not everyman my sisters or friends who have dated and temporarily have become engaged to got out and did nothing but lie, steal and do drugs. Find you a good man and leave this guy where he belongs in Jail.
2007-03-12 09:52:35 · answer #2 · answered by Emily M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you've been together for over a year, have been apart for 5 months of that time and are eventually going to get married?
Jail is a tough life, but not so bad that he can't write you. You clearly aren't ready to settle down yet, and at the very least, want a man who is going to be there for you. Your fiance is not that man.
I think the two of you need to talk. If you can wait until he's out, do it. If not, write him a letter and tell him it's over. Whether or not you tell him about the affair is up to you, but you should if you plan to remain together.
2007-03-12 09:49:42 · answer #3 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why is he in jail? Drugs, assult, stealing - the list could go on and on, but the bottom line is - did he love you enough to avoid situation that would prevent him from being thrown in jail.
Second of all, I find it hard to believe that you love him if you're cheating on him. Maybe that comes from being cheated on, I don't know. But I do know that usually to cheat means something's missing from the relationship - so what's missing? Did you cheat just because he's in jail?
I do think you should tell him. The truth will hurt - but it's so much worse coming from someone else. Be honest - he will eventually hear it from someone else.
As far as staying with him or not - you both need to decide on whether or you can make it work after this. Evaluate your feelings and decide what you want, but DO NOT get married until you are 100% sure about what you want and honest with him about your affair.
2007-03-12 09:40:20 · answer #4 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds to me that you weren't together that long before he got "locked up" so what I'm really wondering is why you stayed with him? I mean, I don't know why he's in jail, but really, do you need to be with this man that badly? I don't feel that the time period you were dating this man substantiates waiting for him to get out of jail or be engaged, especially with the current circumstances. I say you need to reassess your life and decisions and DUMP this guy!
By the way, cheating is not the answer, that alone should tell you that there is a problem in the relationship. Good luck!
2007-03-12 09:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by StrongWoman22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, it would have been easier if you had asked us what to do before you slept with this new guy. I don't know why your fiance is in jail, but if you couldn't keep your pants on for five months, maybe you don't really want to be with him. If he went to jail for a simple traffic violation, and he's not violent, maybe you should be honest and tell him when he gets out. If he's there because he came after you with a chainsaw, I say you'd better run for your life!!
2007-03-12 09:46:38 · answer #6 · answered by bombastic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea i got some advise, write him a letter and tell him "im a wh0re that you deff DONT want to marry", at least give him that much. it seems he has enough trouble in his life as it is with jail and all the last thing he needs is a self-ish chick fuc*ing behind his back. then you need to realize that YOU DONT LOVE HIM. if my math serves me well you have been together for one year and hes been in jail for 5 months that leave you 2 only being togetehr for 7 months- that is noo time at all and deff not enough time for you to even be sure that you wanna spend the rest of your life with him . then he leaves and u go right for the first c0ck that will pop up for you. whats with these stupid girls who say yes to the first guys who asks when really they are not sure, they r not done sleeping around, you just love the IDEA of being married, you love the IDEA of having a husband but you are not ready, so DONT be self-ish and tell him you can not marry him,
2007-03-12 09:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by rodie5582 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved this guy you never have dreamed about cheating on him. you would have been able to make it however long without sex until you saw him again. On the other hand, this guys in jail, he has been for a year, what did he do to end up in jail, must have been more than jay-walking, are you sure you want to be with this guy? i don't want to sound rude, but i doubt this is his first time breaking the law. i know he probably says he's innocent, but chances are he isn't. so far we know you probably don't love a guy who loves to break the law. Next step is yours.
2007-03-12 09:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by kyle_pillsbury 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm..This is a tough question. It depends on how long he will be in jail. If its 25 years, I'm pretty sure that you would want to move on in your life. Another thing to consider is what he did wrong. For example: if he killed someone, you may also want to move on with your life. I know that I wouldn't want to be married to a murderer. I also think that if you haven't made a decision about your finance, it is unfair that you are sleeping around. If you would like to move on, I suggest that you go to the jail and tell this man why you choose this for the situation, and ask him to somehow forgive you. I also recommend that you ask God to forgive you for cheating on your future? husband. God will surely forgive you if you ask. Well, that is what I would do if I were in your position. I hope you choose wisely. God Bless You! Amen.
2007-03-12 09:39:23 · answer #9 · answered by wormwoodkid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, he is the one who went to jail, not you! So keep having sex with this other guy if it feels good, but go with your heart. When your fiancee gets out of jail, go back to him if your heart tells you to do it. What is a little sex amongst friends? It is not hurting your fiance if he doesn't know about it, and for goodness sakes don't tell him when he gets out. Just go back to him when he gets out if your heart tells you to, knowing that the sex with him will be that much better because of what you learned from the other guy! Good luck to you....
2007-03-12 09:45:48 · answer #10 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with him, it's not fair to either of you to live in a lie. If you really love him then you'll know your answer after you tell him. If you decide to end it I would tell him anyway. He deserves the truth either way. But whatever you do, don't continue this affair, pick one or the other.
2007-03-12 09:46:14 · answer #11 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋